“I need to tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out.”
Oh God, what was he going to say? My stomach was in knots.
“Not that you will freak out,” he added. “That’s not like you, but I need you to keep an open mind. I have no idea what you’re gonna think and-”
He was rambling. He always did when he was nervous.
“Just spit it out, Brandon.” I swallowed the lump that was starting to grow thick in my throat and picked at the varnish on my nails in an effort to distract my racing mind.
“I’ve got a fight on Friday.”
I looked up at him and he was staring right at me, waiting for my reaction, but his statement was so vague. I’d seen him fight before. Why was this time any different?
“I didn’t know you had another party so soon after the last one.”
There was something that flashed in his eyes in that moment. Something like fear, but I could’ve been wrong.
“It isn’t a party. I’m fighting for Murphy.”
In an instant, the world around me ground to a halt. My legs turned to lead, and a wave of nausea washed over me.
“Why? Why would you fight for him? You know he was working with Brodie?” My breathing sped up and I felt a tingle in the tips of my fingers. “He won’t care about you, Brandon. He doesn’t care. He uses people. Why are you doing it?”
Brandon came to sit next to me and took both of my hands in his to stop me wringing them frantically in my lap. Usually, that would’ve calmed me down, but it didn’t. The thought of Pat Murphy and his fighting ring taking someone else I loved away from me made me feel an irrational fear.
Was it irrational?
Murphy had done fuck all to help us when Brodie died. He’d done fuck all to support Brandon too. But now that Brandon was back and he’d shown he still had skills in his first fight, Murphy wanted in. He was all about the money.
“It’s good money, babe. Far too good for someone like me to turn down.” Brandon looked so humble as he spoke, and I hated that. I hated how he used the term ‘someone like me’. It only highlighted how little he thought of himself.
“But what about your safety? There’s no money in the world that can take the place of that… of you. What if-”
“I know what you’re thinking,” he butted in. “But nothing’s going to happen to me. I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been. I’ve got this.” He put his finger under my chin to turn my head and make me look at him. “Trust me.”
“I do trust you. What I don’t trust is for Pat Murphy to do a decent job and make sure everything goes okay. It’s a dirty sport, Brandon. The fights he puts on are all for the show. He couldn’t care less whether you come out the other side or not. As long as he gets his cut off the back of your pain.”
“I won’t be in any pain,” he said, puffing out his chest. “That’s the other guy’s problem to worry about, not mine.” Then he lowered his head and pulled me into him so I could rest on his chest. “I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d hate it.”
“You couldn’t keep it from me.” I pulled back slightly to argue, but he pulled me closer.
“I knew that too. I figured the money I make off the back of these fights could help us build a decent future. I don’t have anything else I can do, Harper. This is who I am.”
I could have spent the rest of the afternoon talking about all the wonderful things that made up Brandon Mathers. Reminded him of what he had to offer the world that didn’t involve fists and getting hurt. But I knew that wasn’t the point. He didn’t need to hear that from me, not at that moment. What he needed was my support.
“I know who you are.” I laid my hand on his chest and felt the racing beat of his anxiety held deep within.
He took a long, drawn breath, and what he said next made my heart want to burst out of my chest and fall at his feet.
“I won’t do it if you don’t want me to. You’ll always come first with me. Always.”
I needed to add selfless to the list of what I loved about him, because right now, he was putting his whole life on the line for me.
“What sort of girlfriend would I be if I stopped you doing something you loved? A pretty shitty one, I reckon.” I lifted my head up to look him right in his eyes. I needed him to really hear me. “Do I like that you’ll be getting into a fight with some random guy who might beat the shit out of you? No. Will I stop you doing it? Also no.”
He dropped his forehead softly against mine.
“I don’t want to upset you. If this is gonna cause a problem for us or make you want to end this then I’ll walk away from Pat this second. I’ll ring him now.”
“No. Don’t.” I stroked his bristly jaw and gave him a gentle peck on the lips. “This might make me a little… nervous. But it won’t change the way I feel about you. Why would it?”
He screwed his eyes closed as he kept his face close to mine.
“You don’t need the stress. You could find yourself a great guy with a posh office job; a career and a decent pension plan.”
“What? Like Jensen?” I scoffed. “Fuck that. I don’t want a great guy. I have the best sat right in front of me. I want you.”
He opened his eyes to look at me and he smiled, making my heart do a little flip and my stomach go from knotted to fluttering butterflies instantly.
“Even if I end up with a broken nose and cauliflower ears?”
I rubbed my nose against his and put both of my hands on either side of his face.
“I’ll wipe your wounds and kiss them all better.”
I gave him another gentle kiss, and just as I felt like it might go deeper, he pulled away, making me give a little groan.
“Will you be there?” he asked. “I mean, would you come and watch?”
“Of course I would! Did you think I’d sit at home watching T.V. like nothing was happening? How could I, when you’re going through something like that? I might hate it, but I’ll be the first one to stand there and cheer you on. I’ll cheer the fucking place down… Unless you don’t want me there?”
“I want you there,” he said, but I wasn’t sure he truly meant it. He seemed apprehensive.
“Talk to me. You don’t sound convinced.”
“I don’t want you to have any flashbacks. You know, after last time.”
He really was putting me first. Taking my feelings into consideration and second guessing everything.
“I’ll be fine. The last thing I want you to do when you’re supposed to be focusing and studying your opponent is thinking about me and what happened. You need your head in the game. That’s how you’ll win, and you will win. You’ll beat the shit out of whoever it is, and you’ll come home to me. That’s how I’ll get through it. You’re the best, Brandon. You are amazing. Never doubt that. I know it, Pat knows it, and soon everyone else in the boxing world will know it too. I’d never hold you back. I’ll always be holding you up.”
He put his strong arms around me and hugged me tightly. I hugged him back with as much strength as I could muster. Any fears I had needed to be boxed up, locked away, and buried as deep as possible, as far as I was concerned.