It hurt that my nan hadn’t told me any of this. But if she had, and I knew I was his kid, would it have made a difference? Maybe not. If anything, I’d have probably rebelled even more, been more pissed off with the world. I guess she was just protecting me in the only way she knew how. With blackmail.
“If I could pick anyone to be my father, you’d be the last on the fucking list. Charlie Manson has more paternal instincts than you do. Probably do a better job with your family too.” I gave him my signature grin.
“I left you alone,” he hissed. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”
This guy was shit at excuses. I was surprised he’d gotten away with it this far.
“You blocked me out. Made it like I never even existed. You weren’t doing the right thing. You were taking the coward’s way out. Everyone has a price though, hey, Don?”
“It wasn’t about the money.”
Who was he kidding?
“It was always about the money, that and your reputation. I mean, what would the rest of Sandland say if they knew you’d been screwing a fuck-up like my mother and got her knocked up? I’ll bet you even got her hooked on drugs too. Was that it? You both snorted coke and fucked like rabbits behind your wife’s back. Were you so high you forgot the condom? I thought your sons were the biggest dickheads in Sandland, but you? You’re the worst. You’re scum. The filth on our shoes. The dirt at the bottom of the barrel. Your best friend gets caught doing the same shady shit you’ve been pulling for years and you run and hide like a fucking weasel. You’ve got no backbone, and I can’t respect a liar, a cheat, and a fraud like you.”
The words came tumbling out, and yet I felt like I hadn’t even scratched the surface on all the reasons why I hated this man so much. He was reason I got bullied. He was the cause of all the misery in my life.
“All you have in you is hate.” Don sneered at me as he spoke.
“Yeah, you’re right. Hate for you.”
“Then I suggest you get out. I’ve got nothing more to say to you. There’s nothing for you here.”
I didn’t want anything he had to offer. I was struggling to even breathe the same air as him.
“Don’t worry, we’re leaving. But if I were you, I’d come clean to your wife soon. She already thinks I look familiar. I’d hate for her to hear about your sordid affair from someone else.”
Don shot up from his seat and slammed his hands onto his desk.
“Are you threatening me?”
“If I did, you’d know about it,” I said, feeling the anger surge forward. “She won’t hear it from me, but I can’t vouch for my nan. She’s getting awfully forgetful in her old age. I can’t be held responsible for what she tells people when she’s out and about in Sandland. Oh, and if anything ever happens to her, it’s me you’ll be hiding from, not the fucking solicitors.”
I stalked over to the door and slammed the fucker open. The door handle banged off the wall and probably left a dent in the plaster, but I didn’t care. I held Harper’s hand as we headed for the door. I needed to get out. Being stuck in this building was stifling me. I felt like I was drowning in the sea of lies and deception that he’d built around himself.
I wanted no part of it.
I was done with being used, lied to and deceived. It wasn’t the life I wanted for myself or Harper.
Tonight, I’d heard truths I didn’t particularly want to know about. But I wouldn’t let it break me. That family was nothing to do with me. I had my nan, my boys, and I had my girl. My little warrior. The one person in my life who accepted me for all my flaws and loved me anyway. Not because she had to, or because we had some time-honoured bond, but because she wanted to. She saw something in me that no one else did. I saw something in her too. I saw my future.
I wanted to make a life for us. To go out to work and come home knowing she was there waiting for me. I wanted a family, kids, screaming arguments over who left the toilet seat up or forgot to wash the dishes, which would be all on me, and then fucking awesome make up sessions afterwards once the kids were in bed. I wanted holidays by the sea and weekends spent making memories. I wanted all of that, not just because I’d never had it growing up, but because I knew there wasn’t anyone else in the world I wanted to be with more than her.
“I’m so sorry, Brandon. I’m sorry everything is so fucked up.” She stopped next to her car and threw her arms around me.
Before, I’d wanted to set this place on fire and spark up a cigarette in the flames as I watched it burn to the ground. Now, I felt tired of it all. I wanted to get away. Focus on the good in my life. Move forward and live. With her.
“It’s not that bad, babe. I have you.” I kissed the top of her head and she sighed then peered up at me.
“You’ll always have me.”
Her words made my aching heart ease slightly. And looking down at her, I realised my own family would never suffer the way I had. I’d treat her like a queen and my kids would grow up knowing how a real man takes care of his wife.
“Brandon Lockwood. Who’d have thought it?” Zak piped up, and his words made the hairs on the back of my neck prickle in revulsion.
I pointed my finger at him and gave him my last threatening look of the night.
“You ever call me that and I’ll break every one of your fingers. You’ll never D.J. or type on a keyboard ever again.”
He threw his head back and laughed, but he knew I was serious. I’d let that one slide, but next time, he’d regret it.
“I’ve gotta say, mate, I loved the Charlie Manson reference.”
I grimaced but held myself back. I hadn’t said anything in there for his entertainment. But right on cue, Ryan butted in. He could read me like a book, and he knew Zak was skating on thin ice.
“We need to leave. I don’t think us standing in this fucking road dissecting what just happened is going to help anyone.” We all nodded in agreement. “Brandon, mate. I’m here if you need me. Call me tomorrow or whenever. You know where I am.”
I slapped him on the back and then said my goodbyes. Just as I opened the passenger door to Harper’s car, Finn spoke up.
“We are not a reflection of our fathers. We make our own impression in this life. Remember that. The chain can be broken.”
Zak frowned at him like he was speaking a foreign language, but I got it. I knew Finn better than anyone else. I also knew what he was telling me. It was time for me to break the chain. Time for my life to move on.
Six months later
“Okay, find a space and let’s practise some cool down exercises.”
I watched their little legs run around trying to find a space, and after a few seconds, I realised that without spots for them to stand on on the floor, they were struggling. I’d need to add that to my list for the next time I did a session like this. I pointed to a few places and helped them to scatter out as best I could, and Harper chuckled and joined in. She wasn’t supposed to be taking part, but this was her school, and the kids really listened to her.
I was impressed that they’d all paid attention and copied me as well as they did. The night before, I’d had a nightmare that the school gym had erupted into total chaos with kids climbing the walls, breaking out into fights, and ignoring every damn word I’d said. But they didn’t. They were hanging on my every word and every one of them was giving it one hundred percent, pushing themselves to be the best.