“We’ll get y’all back here with the van soon,” AK promised. He and Viking departed Styx and Mae’s land on their bikes.
Mae’s hand threaded through mine. “Come, sister. We will get a bag packed for you here, just in case this journey takes more time than planned. You can wear my maternity clothes. I have them ready to give you anyway.” I let Mae steer me into her cabin. Styx passed by us and went into his study, closing the door. Lilah and Phebe followed Mae and me into her bedroom. Bella had gone with Rider to get Ruth and their own bags.
Mae led me to the bed and pointed to the edge. “Sit, Maddie. You have only just got out of hospital.” I did not want to sit. I wanted to keep moving. If I stopped, I knew all I could think of was Flame and Asher confronting the men who set fire to the clubhouse. All I could imagine was them being hurt… or worse.
“They will be okay,” Phebe reassured, as Lilah sat beside me and took my hand. “And AK and Viking will not let you or your baby come to harm.”
I tried to give Phebe a thankful smile, but I failed. “It is not us I worry about.” I ran my hand over my forehead. I was beginning to get a headache. “Asher is so young. He is suffering right now, on account of Slash’s death. And now he has joined Flame on this mission?” I felt tears fill my eyes but I wiped them away. “And Flame…” I shook my head. Lilah held onto me tighter. “He has fallen once more,” I whispered. Mae stopped packing my bag and came to kneel before me. Phebe sat by my side. “I cannot lose him,” I whispered, allowing my greatest fear to be spoken aloud. I met Mae’s saddened gaze. “I know people believe Flame to be the weaker one.” I laughed a single disbelieving laugh. “They are wrong. It is I who seeks out his arm to hold me each night, so the memories of Brother Moses abusing my body do not smother me and drag me back to a hell I cannot return from. It is I who holds his hand, just in case he is somehow taken away from me. And it is I, who rests my head against his chest each evening by the fire just to be sure his heart is still beating a strong, healthy rhythm.”
“Maddie…” Lilah murmured, wiping a falling tear from my cheek. She brought me closer to her side, holding me. As much as I loved my sister, it was nowhere close to the comfort Flame’s large tattooed arm gave me.
“You do not know what it was like in his cabin before.” I closed my eyes, seeing him strapped to the bed, eyes pleading with me for relief from this life. “You do not know how far he had fallen. How desperately he wanted to be free of this life, and the heavy chains that wrapped around him each day. They wound tighter and tighter until he could not take it anymore.” I wanted to tell them that it had been the memory of Isaiah that had dragged him down before. And it was again. Our baby… our baby had taken him back there.
Guilt suffocated me. I had hoped one day I would be able to have a child. I dreamed it for us. I had not expected it to be this soon. It was unplanned. I had always known Flame would find my being pregnant difficult. But I did not know to what extent it would affect him. Just how open the wound of Isaiah’s death still remained in his heart. “I would not survive,” I allowed myself to confess to my sisters. “I would not survive if something has happened to him. If something has happened to Asher. He is just a child. A child who is lost.” My head fell into my hands. “I cannot find him through his sadness. I cannot reach him no matter how hard I try. I am not sure who can.” I thought of Asher’s hard face, the granite stare in his black eyes, the hatred and pain that filled the air with every exhaled breath. “I pray there is someone out there who can bring him back to us, as I have done before with Flame.”
“The Cade brothers,” Lilah said. “Bless their hearts. I will pray that they find respite from their troubles. That you find them well and bring them back here, to their family who love them.”
Styx walked out of his study and stopped at the door. Mae swiveled to face her husband and got to her feet. She took his hand and led him into the hallway. I heard the low murmurs of them speaking. No one ever heard Styx speaking to Mae, yet I heard Mae plead, “Do not let anything happen to her. Please, River. Promise me.” Kissing Lilah on her head, I stood and caught sight of Styx with his arms wrapped around Mae, kissing her lips. I averted my eyes. I longed for Flame’s kiss.
I was determined I would have it again.
A knock sounded on the door and Bella walked inside. Ruth and Rider came next. Ruth smiled and came over to me. “Bella and Rider told me the instructions the hospital doctor gave about your after-care.” She wrapped her arm around me. “I will not let anything happen to you or your baby. You have my word.”
“Thank you,” I hushed out. A car horn sounded outside.
“They’re here,” Rider announced. Styx kissed Charon, Mae, then left the house. Ruth took my bag. I followed her and Bella outside. AK jumped out of the van. Viking followed him. Viking rounded the van and a huge smile splayed on his face when he saw Sister Ruth. She seemed to hesitate at the sight of him.
“Sister Ruth,” Viking acknowledged. He rushed over to take the bag from her hand. “Allow let me take your bag.” I heard Sister Ruth sigh. She was dressed in jeans and a white linen shirt. Her brown hair flowed down her back. She was beautiful and it was easy to see where Rider got his good looks. Viking deposited the bag in the back and came to open the side door. “M’lady,” he bowed slightly to Sister Ruth. “Madds.” Ruth helped me climb into the van and then into my seat. Sister Ruth sat beside me, and Bella sat with Rider immediately behind us.
“Solomon and Samson are staying with your sisters. Styx has ordered them to stay here, altogether. Zane is staying too. Everyone else is coming. Those fuckers aren’t gonna know what hit them when we fucking rain down on them,” AK said. But I heard the rest of the sentence hang silently in the air … as long as Flame and Asher are still alive.
Through the window I watched the Hangmen form a ‘V’ with their bikes, then pull out slowly onto the back road. “Tell me if you feel any discomfort,” Ruth said beside me. “If you feel faint or lightheaded.” She gave me a reassuring smile. “I know, in theory, we should be back in the space of a day, but I have brought my kit just in case this takes longer.” It was why Mae had packed me a bag. None of us knew what we are walking into. The Hangmen were used to this way of life on the road, I was not.
“So, Sister Ruth,” Viking said, turning in the passenger seat to look our way. She met his gaze. His eyes roamed over her and he smiled wide. “Tell me about yourself. I want to know everything.” The air became strained in the back of the van. The four of us, including Ruth, knew what her entire life had been like. It had been hell, as it had been for us all who came from The Order. AK punched Viking in the arm. He was with Phebe. He must have known the memories that question conjured up.
“Not the fuck now, Vike,” AK hissed.
“Okay, okay,” Viking conceded, holding up in hands. But he turned to Sister Ruth one more time. “Just one more question, then I’ll shut up.”
“Okay?” Sister Ruth said demurely, eyes narrowed.