Caleb calls out my name, a strangled word on his tongue and I can practically feel the pain filling the room. The anguish he feels over not being able to protect me is palpable, but he needs to stay away. Getting involved in this mess again will only derail everything he’s worked so hard to correct.
As Professor Keller bends down to reach for the foot I stomped on and hopefully broke a few toes, I shove my knee into his face, connecting hard with his nose. As he stumbles around, I shove him into a row of seats causing him to lose his balance and eventually collapsing in a heap on the floor.
His nose is bleeding profusely and he’s moaning and rolling around, writhing in pain, but there’s not a chance I’m stopping to check if he’s okay.
I run to Caleb, throwing myself into his arms as the adrenaline begins to leave my body and I’m suddenly shaking uncontrollably. The tears begin to pour from my eyes, deep guttural sobs as everything hits me all at once.
This could’ve ended so many different ways, and each one plays out in my head. What if Caleb didn’t get here? Would I have had the confidence to take on Professor Keller myself? How far would it have gone? My life could’ve been irrevocably changed by one simple act of picking up materials for a class.
It was the only class I was taking that didn’t have the professor listed on the registration and a part of me wonders how deep the secrets at this university go. Was he intentionally left off, protected by them so students were unaware?
Seconds later the lecture hall fills with campus security, several men stopping to take in what has just unfolded. It’s a scene that’s all too familiar to Caleb and me with Professor Keller lying on the floor bloody and injured. But this time it can’t be misconstrued as anything but self-defense.
I look up and without words, I point to a camera mounted just above the doorway to the hall. He can’t pin this on me. I did nothing but come here to pick up my things and try to leave. He accosted me. He wouldn’t let me leave and he attacked me.
The security does exactly what I expect them to. They run to Professor Keller, but one guy hangs back, talking with whom I assume is the person who opened the door shortly after Caleb. He has his phone in his hand, and the two men are watching something.
“Miss, we’re going to have to call the police,” one of the security officers says. “What happened here is assault—”
“It was assault on her,” the security guard says, holding the other guy’s phone.
“Bullshit!” Professor Keller now yells, pointing his finger at me. “She attacked me. Look at my face and look at her.”
“We have video of you holding onto her and I would guess the security camera footage will show even more than that,” the security guard adds, joining the other group of them.
Another one leans down, helping Professor Keller up and as he does, I hear him say, “We can’t do this anymore. People are starting to talk.”
What the fuck does that mean? Obviously the campus security has been in on this the whole time, covering up for him and not calling the police when they should have. Only adding to an already volatile situation.
Every assault, every attack, every rape has gone unreported or not investigated and it’s on every one of the security officers in this room. They are the reason this continued and I hope like hell they feel the full weight of their shitty choices right now.
“What the fuck am I paying you for!” Professor Keller now screams, shoving one of the officers away. “If you can’t protect me then I’m just wasting my money!”
“Protect you?” I hiss, interjecting where I know I shouldn’t be, but no longer caring. These are people’s lives he’s fucking with. He’s controlling the security here. He’s manipulating women into sleeping with him based on their grades and when they don’t comply, he just takes what he wants. It’s disgusting and it’s gone on long enough. “Everyone should be protected from you!”
Just a few minutes later, police storm the lecture hall, another security officer in tow and all I can think is this really has to be the end of this. Caleb needs a break. I need a break. We don’t need the stigma of what happened in the alley affecting the outcome of what happens here.
“We have footage of what happened,” a tall officer says, striding over to where Professor Keller is standing. “Everything was caught on camera and we have to bring you in.”
I’d love to say they handcuffed him and tossed him in the back of the squad car like the criminal that he is, but of course not.
The police continue to talk with him, an officer coming over to get my statement. He recognizes Caleb instantly, the remembrance written all over his face, but he doesn’t say anything. This time it feels like he knows he was wrong, like saying something now would only make things worse. He doesn’t apologize or acknowledge that he should’ve never arrested Caleb, but at least he doesn’t try to arrest either of us now.
My trust in the justice system is flawed and even though I give my statement, I tell the officer I’d like to contact my lawyer if he wants me to come to the station.
He doesn’t say much more after that, letting Caleb and I go after taking down all my information.
The whole day feels like one long nightmare and my body and mind are so exhausted I feel like I need to sleep for the next ten days.
Caleb slips an around my shoulders, pulling me to him and I let the weight of my body fall against his.
“Let’s get you home,” he says, guiding me toward the way to our house.
I wake the next morning, feeling a little better but still shaken up after yesterday’s events. Caleb took the day off work, explaining to his boss what’s been happening. I know he’s kept a lot of it to himself, but it’s come pouring out now.
It’s almost like as soon as Professor Keller was arrested, he felt validated enough to speak the truth. I never looked at Caleb as someone who would attack another person just because and anyone who knows him feels this way, too. He’s felt nothing but support from everyone around him, but that doesn’t always hold the weight it should. Knowing the police now believe him and we have evidence that shows Professor Keller has a history of stalking, has made things much easier.
“How are you doing today?” Caleb asks, rolling over so he’s looking at me.
“I’m okay. Better than yesterday.”
I say this despite still feeling the after effects of what happened. You don’t just get over being taken hostage by a psychopath, but knowing he’s been arrested and has little chance of getting out helps. I also know how to ask for help if it feels like my trauma is taking over my life. Dealing with all of this with Caleb has made me hyper aware of what trauma looks and feels like.
The muscles in my shoulders feel like rocks under my skin and I run my fingers over them, trying to ease the stress. While my body is one big jumbled mess of tight muscles and exhaustion, I know it will pass. I know we’ll get through this together.
“I was worried,” he says, nuzzling into my neck.
“I’m sorry you were worried. I was scared to death,” I finally admit out loud, realizing that hiding it from Caleb is not something I shouldn’t be doing. “I have no idea how the hell I even got away from him. Sie and I took a self-defense class freshman year for something to do. I never thought I’d have to use it.”