Christmas is the best I’ve had in forever. Molly knew how to celebrate holidays and birthdays, making all of them amazing, but that seems like another life.
My plan had been to get some time alone with Eva over the holidays, maybe even for the night, like a hotel. Not for anything more than spending time together, just the two of us. But the closest we got was the park.
Despite not being able to escape for a night, she said I made the first Christmas without her mother special. There were times when she was quiet and reflective, and once or twice I caught her crying, but we made new memories.
I gave her a picture of the two of us her mother had taken and put it in a cool wooden frame—I got one for me too. I also promised to teach her how to drive as soon as she got her learner’s permit. I wanted to give her more, but I’m not exactly flush with cash.
She made me a gigantic bouquet of snacks, all my favorite things, because I’m always hungry, and she gave me supplies to write music and songs.
Yeah, we had an amazing Christmas.
We burn through the rest of the school year, and in so many ways, I wish I could stop time. This year was a mixture of phenomenal highs as Eva and I grew closer and dreadful lows with loss and sadness. I miss Mrs. Ramirez and can only imagine how Eva feels at times.
And now school is over and summer is here. Eva’s going to Spain and I’m sick to my stomach.
What if her father ships her off for good?
My gut roils and nausea stirs. I don’t even want to think about the possibility of losing Eva. Her father is a pain in my ass, but he’s not a fool. Mr. Ramirez works too much, and this affords his daughters free rein. He knows Tito and I are very much in the picture.
Guilt gnaws at my insides. She’s a good girl. A rule follower and I’m corrupting her. She sneaks me in and out of her house so I can sleep in a bed. And on top of that, she’s lying to her father. She loves him and feels guilty for what her mother would say if she were here. I’m not forcing or asking her to do any of this, but even still, it goes against who she is.
And I’m guessing her father knows all of this. If it wasn’t for his animosity for Eva’s grandfather in Spain, I’m certain she would already be halfway across the world. As if that isn’t enough to worry about, things are tense with Ike. He’s pressuring me to work for Milo this summer. As much as I could use the money, I won’t break my promise to Eva.
I’m working at a pizza joint, Romano’s, and while the money is nowhere near what I made last summer, I’ve also got the band. We’ve got paying gigs now, although I’m not sure how long that will last. Half of the guys say they’re done with the band once they graduate. I’m not sure where that leaves me or my music.
“This is for you.” In the park, I hold out the flowers to Eva. “So you don’t forget me.”
Her flight to Spain is tonight, and we’re doing the goodbye thing again. This fucking sucks.
She laughs, tilting her head back further to lock gazes with me. “Never going to happen. Thank you.”
Her lips kiss mine before moving to the side of my face and neck. Her tongue laves at the hint of stubble on my chin and her teasing sends electric shocks through me, curling my toes. Teeth nip at my flesh and I moan, both excited and frustrated.
“Eva, we gotta stop. You have to go.” Every word out of my mouth is a dagger to my heart.
Stopping is the last thing I want to do. If I could take her away, stop her from getting on a plane, I would.
She groans, planting a kiss to my neck and keeping her lips against my skin. Her warm breath strokes me, and I swear I might combust.
“Eva, I will miss you.” My lips find hers in a long, deep kiss. “I love you.”
“I love you.” Her eyes glitter with affection.
Not only does she steal my breath, she stops my heart and blisters my soul. Desperate and demanding, savage with desire, I plunder her mouth once more.
My kiss is bruising, and she climbs my body, hooking her legs around my waist, body flush against mine.
It’s the first time we’ve uttered those words, although they live on the tip of my tongue.
“I will come back to you.” It’s a promise, not reassurance, and my fingers thread through her thick, soft hair.
We kiss again. Our bodies touch, lips and chests stuck together like one, and my eyes drift closed. Every time we’re like this, I relish every single detail of Eva. Her sweet scent, silky soft curves, and small, sexy moans.
I don’t want to think about this ending. Ever. Yet life is hard, and I’ve gotten nothing I’ve ever wanted. Whenever Eva and I are together, I cherish and memorize it all as if it’s the last time.
I can’t imagine what I’d do if I lost her. If there’s one thing I know for sure, I will do everything in my power to keep her.
We belong together and for the first time in my life, I imagine what my future could be with Eva. I want more than now, than high school. I want forever.
10
Guilt raps at my chest
Junior/Senior year
JARED
“Okay now, ease up on the clutch. That’s it.”
The car sputters and jerks, crawling forward before rocketing ahead.
“Whoa.” My fingers wrap around the wrist of her hand on the gearshift. “Ease up a bit.”
“Oh my God, I did it! I did it!” She’s bouncing in her seat, beaming proudly at me.
The car lurches, groans, and dies. We both shift forward in a jerking motion of the vehicle as it comes to a complete stop.
“You took your foot off, didn’t you?” I chuckle, shaking my head, and she groans.
She’s been learning to drive, giving it her all, like she does everything else. Determined to get her license, we come out here any time we can spare, and I give her a few pointers.
Eva rests her head against the steering wheel, and her long hair falls forward, curtaining her face.
“I’m an idiot. I’m never going to remember everything.”
“No, you’re not. You’re doing good, and you’ll get the hang of it. It’s no big deal. It’s happened to me.”
She lifts her head and narrows her gaze on me, disbelieving. I smile, biting my bottom lip to hold back admitting I haven’t done something like that in years. But it’s no cause to beat herself up.
“You’ve got this. Let’s do it again.” I squeeze her hand, and she straightens in the driver’s seat.
“Okay, okay.” Shaking her hands out, she stares down at the gear shift like she will whip it into submission.
Feet in position on the clutch and accelerator, she raises her head and looks straight ahead. “I can do this.”
The next hour is spent breaking down various driving techniques like the three-point turn and parallel parking. She’s hard on herself and thinks she’s bad at driving, but she isn’t.
Not only is she learning to drive, it’s also with a stick shift and she’s killing it. Eva has her driving test in two weeks and she’s nervous.
She’s deteremined to ace the test and so we spend hours in our high school parking lot. While I’ve no doubt she’s going to pass, I indulge her, unable to deny her anything.