The corner of his mouth tucks in and he shakes his head in disgust. “If I had my way, I’d never look at your face again, but this isn’t about me. Or you. If I hire you to resume your duties as nanny, that’s all you’ll be, do you understand? You have Dani fooled with that whole innocent I just wanted family act, but I’m not so gullible.”
“It wasn’t an act. I love Caden. I care about Dani, and what happened between us was—”
“Nothing fucking happened between us!” he roars. “We fucked a couple of times. You aren’t special. You aren’t family, and if you come back, I want to know you understand that. You’re here for Caden. That’s it.”
His words stick like needles in some vital part of me that’s buried too deep to identify. It’s a gut deep agony I can’t even begin to explain. A knot forms in my throat and tears threaten. Caden. I need to be here for Caden. “I understand.”
“You will also sign documents swearing you will not discuss me, my family, the criminal case, or anything else to do with my life with the media or anyone else. Not a friend, a boyfriend, not your fucking priest. If you screw me, Naomi, I swear to fuck I’ll remove you from Caden’s life like you were never in it, and you’ll never have another peaceful day the rest of your life.”
“I’ll sign whatever you want.” Tears spill over despite my best efforts to keep them at bay.
The unsettling silence returns while I battle to keep my emotions in check and look him in the eye. It feels like he’s weighing the decision and my entire future in those seconds, and my gut roils.
“Dani will have the paperwork for you in the morning,” he finally says as he gets to his feet and stalks out of the room.
The breath I was holding comes out on a sob. He hates me. Dani probably does too.
But I’m home.
And there’s hope.
The first few days back in Axton’s home are bittersweet. I’m overjoyed to be back with Caden, but the tension is so uncomfortable whenever Axton enters a room. Any words he has to say to me are poisoned tipped darts and he knows just where to throw them to cause the most damage. Dani frowns at him occasionally, but never comments. She doesn’t say much around me at all.
I’ve never been in a place where I was surrounded by people who don’t really want me there, and it’s hard to bear, but there’s no way I’d leave Caden again.
He’s getting better. He’s had a few tantrums and he doesn’t like it when I’m out of his sight for even a moment, but he’s eating better, and sleeping through the night.
I’ve just finished feeding him breakfast when Axton walks into the kitchen. The hard as granite look he gives me melts when he turns his attention to Caden. A grin rises on both of their faces when he pretends to take a bite off of Caden’s plate.
“Eck!” Caden giggles, then throws the spoon at him, barely missing his head.
“Don’t steal your eggs. Got it,” Axton says, tickling him for a second. He stalks past me to the coffee maker while I pick up the spoon and wash it.
Caden grunts and shakes his head at the indignity of having his face wiped off with a warm cloth, then hoots as I let him out of the highchair. He makes a beeline for his dad, and Axton scoops him up.
“Axton.”
Hard green eyes land on mine. “Would it be okay if I took him out to his sandbox for a while? He’s been cooped up in here every day.”
“Maybe because there’s paparazzi all around the house, Naomi. You think that might be a fucking problem?” he snaps.
Dani walks in just in time to hear our conversation and he directs his next statement to her. “Make sure there’s a guard with them when they’re outside.”
Dani nods, and he hands Caden to her, then walks away. The sound of the front door slamming closed feels like a judgement as much as his sarcastic answer. Caden grins up at my forced smile while I try to ignore the heaviness in my chest. “Hey, little man. Let’s get you dressed and go outside to play.”
Caden is thrilled to be back outdoors and he’s in his own little world, playing in the sand. The security guard, a guy named Gideon, sits a good distance away, where he can keep an eye on both corners of the house and us at the same time.
With Caden distracted, it gives me too much time to think, and I pick up my phone. I’m tempted to call Paige, but she’s been avoiding me lately. Maybe she’s just busy or maybe she’s more pissed at me than she let on. After all, she lost her job. With a sigh, I set the phone back down. I have no right to feel lonely or depressed. I’m back where I wanted to be, with the amazing little guy who is dumping sand on top of his head.
“That should be fun to try to wash out later,” Dani says, and sits in a lawn chair a couple of feet away from mine.
“Sorry, I should’ve stopped him. I’ll make sure it’s all washed out.”
“I wasn’t criticizing. He dumps everything on his head. Especially food he doesn’t want to eat.”
I probably shouldn’t have taken the comment the way I did. Dani isn’t the one barking at me or watching my every move like I may be up to something. It feels like I’m walking my days on a wire, trying not to say the wrong thing and get shoved back out of their lives. Maybe because I know how lucky I was to be let back in at all. Or perhaps because I feel so guilty for what I put them through at the worst time of their lives.
An uneasy silence wraps around us, broken only by Caden’s prattle. He seems to be finding his voice more and more, babbling to his toys and anything else around him.
“We were friends,” Dani murmurs, so low I almost don’t catch it.
The regret in her voice is almost as bad as the fact she said were. We were friends.
“Yes, we were. You were a good friend to me. I’m sorry I wasn’t…I’m sorry.”
I look up to see her regarding me. “Naomi, why couldn’t you tell me? I know Ax isn’t the easiest person to talk to, but we talked about a lot of things.”
Her plaintive expression is killing me, and I have no intention of giving her anything less than the truth, no matter how badly it portrays me. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell Axton. I was stupid. I didn’t think any of this through. I kept telling myself there was time, that I’d find a way to explain when there was no good explanation. Every day that went by made it harder to confess.”
I look her in the eye. “And then you and I became friends. That wasn’t an act, Dani. None of it was. I wasn’t pretending when it came to how I felt about Caden, or you, and I—”
“Started falling for Ax,” she interjects. “I know you were sleeping together.”
My mouth falls open. “He told you?”
“No, neither of you are very subtle. You looked like you either wanted to tear each other’s clothes off or slap the fuck out of one another every time you were in the same room. Plus, Axton was jealous over Patrick, and I’ve never seen him jealous over anyone.”
“That doesn’t matter now. I’m just here for Caden. He couldn’t have been more clear on that.” A leaf falls onto my lap, and I fiddle with it as we get quiet again.
Dani sighs, and leans back in her chair. “I think I understand why you felt like you couldn’t confess. I know what you were afraid of losing.” She gives me a sideways glance. “That doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed. You don’t realize how badly you fucked Axton up with this. You don’t know his past, and how much he was overcoming to trust you.”