I’m well aware of what trauma can do. Opening that door became a singular point in my life, one I still relive in nightmares, and I wasn’t in any personal danger. How many arms will reach around her neck in the night from now on?
“Naomi.” My voice is firm but not severe. “Look at me.”
Exhausted eyes land on mine. “You’re safe here. We’re all safe here or we wouldn’t have returned. I have security everywhere. A car doesn’t get near our street without me knowing who’s driving it. No one will even knock on the door or ring the bell. They’ll be escorted up here. Even the band is. Nothing like that will ever happen to you again. I won’t let it.”
“Is everything okay?” Dani asks, stepping into the room, and I realize I’m still holding Naomi’s bandaged hand.
Naomi steps back from me, pulls her hand away, and forces a smile in Dani’s direction. “Fine. I just broke a glass and cut my finger.”
Caden starts to fuss from his crib.
“Go get him. I’ll clean this up.”
Naomi nods and rushes from the kitchen, but Dani watches me as I grab some paper towels.
I can feel her scrutinizing stare on me as I clean up the mess until she finally speaks. “Have you and Naomi made up, then?”
My glare has no effect on her satisfied little smirk. “Don’t.”
Quietly, she finishes making the cup of coffee I started, then makes one for herself.
I’ve been mulling over a decision for a couple of days and the realization that I’m not the only one uncomfortable here has made up my mind. “I’m going to have a house built somewhere more isolated.”
Her eyebrows shoot up. “You want to move? We just got home.”
“I want Hatch to be able to play outside without a constant swarm of security around him. I heard from the lawyer yesterday. He said it could take a year or more for that bitch to go to trial. This isn’t going to be over quickly, and we’re going to make headlines and get mobbed every time something new pops up.”
“Do you want to move out of state?”
Kneeling, I carefully inspect the floor for scraps of glass I may have missed. “No, the guys are here, the label and everything. I wanted out of the city, but the suburbs weren’t a good choice. We wouldn’t have to go far to find a more rural area. It’s Indiana.”
Dani snorts. “I never imagined you surrounded by cornfields.”
“Fuck.” She grins when I run my hand across my jaw. “Neither did I.”
We fall into a routine over the next few weeks. Dani still handles some things as my assistant but since most of my time is being spent in the studio working on the new album, there isn’t as much for her to do. Naomi has Caden attached to her leg and she protests any offer from Dani for a day off or time to herself. It’s left Dani a little restless and she’s been spending more time with Clara, Brysen’s wife.
With security in tow, Naomi takes Caden out a couple of times a week, usually to the park, or an indoor playground nearby. I’m civil when I speak to her, but I try to avoid it when I can. Just a few weeks ago, I was determined to hate her forever, but watching her with Hatch makes it difficult.
Sometimes, when she smiles or when I see a tiny bit of her old personality coming back, I have to remind myself she can’t be trusted. My initial instinct not to get involved with her was right. She’s an employee. Hired for Hatch’s benefit. That’s it.
Her deception was a vital reminder why I don’t get involved with anyone. I won’t be ruled by emotions. I’ve seen what feelings do to people, the end result. Love doesn’t just fade and wither. It rots. It infects everything around you. Everything you see and hear reminds you of what you had and what’s now missing.
Love is how I destroyed them.
One dead and one gone.
It won’t happen again. This is my life. Hatch and my music. They’re all I need.
Hatch seems to be back to his normal happy self, and the relief of knowing that lifts the stack of bricks from my chest. He’s okay. The people responsible are locked up. There’s an end in sight to all the madness. Even the paparazzi is starting to lose interest a little and the crowd on my street isn’t half of what it was just a week ago.
Regardless, I still have a realtor looking for land outside the city.
The album is coming along better than we could’ve hoped. We’ve come to an agreement on what songs to include and which to release as singles. The main disagreements have come over the title of the album and the lead single.
“It makes the most sense, man,” Elliot argues while we’re all together at the studio. “Look at the lyrics. The songs might range from happy and upbeat to moody and dark, but the lyrics paint a picture.”
“We’re not putting out a concept album,” I gripe.
“No, but a theme runs through the songs and you know it,” Jude says. “It’s some of your best writing. Don’t back down on it now.”
“Ties that Bind,” I mumble. “Fuck.”
“It’s the perfect title for the album,” Brysen agrees.
I’m outvoted. I sure as hell didn’t set out to make an album about a dysfunctional family, but with everything that’s happened, it turned out that way. Most of the lyrics are subtle enough for the average person not to notice, but these guys know me.
Art reflects life and my life has been full of family shit lately. There are lyrics that refer to domestic violence and to raising my son. And of course, Breathes the World, the song I wrote after that last night with Naomi, the one they want to use as the lead single.
Which means I get to play it on every damn radio and TV show for months to promote the album. It’s bad enough I can’t get her out of my head lately, now she’s mired in my music too. Invading the only way I know to turn off the static and stress.
“The album art better be dark,” I warn, finally relenting.
My phone buzzes with a call from Dani, and I step out into the hall where I can hear better to answer. “Ax.”
Every muscle in my body clenches at the sound of her voice. Something is wrong. “Hatch,” I bark. “Is Hatch okay?”
“He’s fine, he’s with Naomi. It’s Dad.”
Thank fuck. “Whatever it is, I’m not coming. I don’t give a shit.”
“He’s dead, you asshole!” she shouts and disconnects the call.
What? Stunned is all I can feel. Dead? The old man is actually dead? I step into an empty breakroom and sit down, a thousand thoughts running through my head. Part of me must’ve thought he couldn’t really die, no matter how much I used to hope for it when I was young. It takes me a moment to recognize the feeling rushing over me.
Relief. Even after years away from him, it’s always seemed like he could reach out and fuck me up. The nightmares. He’s in so many of the nightmares, laughing at me, reminding me. Now that it feels like someone has removed a heavy leaden blanket from around me for the first time since I was a kid, maybe they’ll stop.
Dani.
Freedom may be what I feel in this moment, but it isn’t the same for her. How she could keep caring about him is something I will never understand, but I heard the pain in her voice. My attempt to call her back goes unanswered, and I hesitate a moment before texting Naomi. It’s not something I usually do anymore.