“This is a new song from the upcoming album.” He pauses to let the roar fade before adding, “It’s called Breathes the World.”
The lights fade to a deep blue, and he slips a metal tube over his ring finger before he starts playing. The notes are low, giving the song a moody sound from the beginning, and the way his fingers move while the tube slides over the strings, changing the pitch, paints goosebumps on my skin.
Then he begins to sing.
Enthralled by cracks of blue,
the rumble and the sting.
Reveling in the bruise
of pristine everything.
She breathes it deep.
She feels it all.
She breathes the world
and makes me small.
Color is what she sees
in interlocking gray.
Chaos in the serene,
order in disarray.
I have to remind myself to breathe. He didn’t say my name. Maybe it isn’t really about me at all. So, we talked about how I loved storms, a lot of people do. And maybe that first verse isn’t even about a storm. I could just be reading into the lyrics. My hands are clasped together at my waist and I can’t take my eyes off of him as he continues.
I’ve never felt so torn.
All that I know of joy
is the eye of my storm,
all wrapped around my boy.
Before I can try to find some way that last line isn’t talking about me and Caden, he glances toward me and it’s like a punch in the stomach. The expression on his face says it all. He wrote a song about me. That’s why he frowned when he looked my direction before, not because Caden was gone, but because I was here. He didn’t want me to hear a song that must’ve been written before everything fell apart.
They’ll be wrapping up any second and I don’t want to be here when he walks offstage. I need some time to process the emotions leaping around inside me. He cared enough to write about me. Called me his joy, the eye of his storm. It’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard which makes the devastation of knowing I’ve lost it even worse.
Dani sits on the couch in the green room with Caden asleep beside her. “Tantrum wore him out,” she says. Her scrutinizing gaze sweeps over me. “Are you okay?”
“Fine, yeah. I’ll go ahead and take Caden back to the room. Security can take us over.”
“If you want to go to the after party—”
“No.”
Her eyebrows jump up at my quick response.
“I mean, thanks, but I’m tired. I’ll just put Caden to bed. You go and have fun.” Caden doesn’t stir at all when I pick him up. Once this kid is asleep, he could sleep through a tornado.
An idea suddenly leaps into my mind. When Patrick mentioned he didn’t have any Thanksgiving plans, I thought about asking Axton if he might want to invite him along on the band’s getaway. I know he said it was a family thing but there are obviously others coming that aren’t in the inner circle. Whoever Jude brings, for instance. Now it sounds like an even better idea. If he’s there, I’ll have a friend to hang out with and maybe be able to put more distance between Axton and me.
“Hey Dani, have you talked to Patrick since we’ve been here?”
“Only for a minute or two. He seems excited about opening for Tragic on the tour.”
Caden snores lightly, and I shift his weight in my arms. “He is. He mentioned that he didn’t have Thanksgiving plans. His family is out of town. I thought maybe Axton could invite him to go with us to Wisconsin.”
“That’s a great idea. It’d be good for him to get to know the others better before we’re all living in each other’s pockets next year. I’ll suggest it.”
The hall is filling with people when I step out holding Caden and gesture to one of the security guards to join me. I don’t get a chance to ask him to escort me back to the hotel before I’m looking up into Axton’s impassive face. “Where are you going?”
God, he’s beautiful. Sweaty and mussed from his performance. It’s hard to talk with those fierce green eyes boring into mine. “Back to our room to put Caden to bed.”
A long moment passes where our surroundings seem to fade as we regard one another. There’s so much I want to ask that I can’t. When did you write it? Did you love me? And the most vital and terrifying question. Is there a trace of those feelings left for me?
When I’m sure I’ll explode from one more second under his gaze, he waves to another guard. “Both of you escort her to her room, please.” He looks back at me. “There should be another guard posted outside the door.”
With that, he strides away into the throng of musicians and roadies. Not to mention the groupies that have wormed their way backstage to drool over all of them. It doesn’t matter. I’m here for the little boy asleep in my arms.
Chapter Eleven
Axton
The performance went great, and the after party rages around me as everyone celebrates. The elation from being onstage doing what I was born to do faded at the sight of Naomi’s face. Any hope I had—which wasn’t much—that she wouldn’t listen to the lyrics or that she wouldn’t understand their connection died the moment she rushed backstage.
Fucking management. Of all the new material that’s the song they insisted we debut.
Two drinks do nothing to calm me down, and all I want is to get away from everyone. Dani walks up and hands me a beer. “Why are you brooding in a corner?”
Her lips twitch when I glare down at her. “I’m not brooding.”
“Oh, before I forget. How would you feel about including Patrick Thorn in our Thanksgiving? He doesn’t have anywhere to go this year. It might be good for all of you to get to know each other better since you’ll be touring together soon.”
I haven’t given Patrick a second thought since the end of the last tour. He wasn’t one of my favorite people, mainly because he seemed a little too interested in Naomi, but there’s no real reason for me to say no. Especially considering Brysen walks up in time to overhear her and now I’ll look like an asshole if I don’t include him. What am I supposed to say? No, fuck that guy? Let him spend the holiday alone?
“Fine, invite him. As long as he agrees not to disclose where we’re going. No social media posts or anything.” The point of picking a remote area is to avoid the necessity of security breathing down our necks constantly. To feel normal for a while.
“I’ll have Naomi invite him.”
My body stiffens and I try not to show it. “Why?”
Dani shrugs. “It was her idea.”
Of course it was. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. A woman I recognize but can’t recall her name waves to Dani for her to join them. As soon as Dani walks away, I slip out the door before Milo or anyone can complain.
My intention was to return to my room. Throw some music on, have another drink, try to decompress, but I find myself standing just outside Naomi’s door. A security guard sits a few feet away. “Great show, Mr. Todd.”
“Thanks.” He’s probably wondering why I’m just standing here like an idiot, but I don’t know, and I don’t really give a shit at this point. Another battle with myself is lost when I slide the keycard into the lock and step inside Naomi’s room.