I dropped to the edge of her bed, staring at the empty doorway. The words echoed in my head. Did she mean it?
21
Marisa
I blazed down the street to his house with sweat clinging to my skin under my coat. Heat traveled up through the zippered top of my coat and heated my chin while the air chapped my cheeks.
A house away from his, a kid sped toward me on a bike bundled up with knee and elbow pads and a helmet on.
“Levi, come back.” An older girl, equally padded up, called after him.
He turned and rode toward her.
Behind the girl, running alongside an identical-looking little boy with a towel wrapped around his waist to steady him, was Ron.
His words of encouragement sliced through the air. “You’ve got it, Landon. You’re doing it.”
The coals of the fire burned even hotter. Incendiary rage detonated in my head like emotional napalm.
My skin tingled like I’d stumbled onto a pack of lions ready to tear me limb from limb. Only these weren’t physical threats, but mental ones gouging deep into old wounds I pretended were healed. I wanted to flee, but I couldn’t.
Landon’s feet were moving a mile a minute and it wasn’t until they were ten feet from me that Ron looked up. He stopped, catching Landon around the waist with the towel. The bike toppled over, but the little boy stayed anchored around the waist. He didn’t let him fall.
He started. His forehead creased in concern, and it made me hate him even more. “Marisa, what are you doing here? What’s wrong?” He steadied Landon on his feet and walked toward me.
“You’re what’s wrong.” The words barely escaped through my gritted teeth.
He looked from Landon to me and crouched down, facing the boy toward him. “Head over to play with your brother and sister, Landon. I need to talk to Marisa.” So doting, gentle, and kind.
My blood simmered in my veins. Not that he was being nice to some kid I’d never met before, but that he could be that to some kid who wasn’t even his own.
The little boy looked from me to Ron and nodded.
“Do you want to come inside?” He reached for me. Comforting, gentle bullshit.
I jerked my arm away and stepped back.
Weariness radiated off him, but once again—too fucking bad. “What did I do now?”
“There’s a laundry list. Let’s start with you not playing LJ because of me.” The burn was back, building brighter in the back of my nose. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? His future is on the line. His career and providing for his family are on the line.”
He lifted the Fulton U cap like he needed to air out the top of his head. “I wondered how long it would take him to cave.”
“Was this a test? Some screwed up mental game?” The kids behind him all turned to watch us. Maybe it was best they saw exactly what kind of guy he was and who he’d been pretending to be.
His gaze cut away and back to mine with arms folded over his Fulton U Coaching Staff polo. “Life is all about choices. The things we value and the things we don’t.”
The front door to the house swung open. “Lunch is ready.” Nora stood in the doorway, smiling and waving for the kids to come in. She froze when she spotted me, a worried look crossing over her face.
A perfect little family. He got to play house while trying to destroy the closest thing I’d ever had to a home.
I clenched my fists at my sides and glared, trying and failing to keep my breathing under control. Trying not to let myself spiral into the splotchy-vision breakdown barreling down hard onto me.
“He came with me to those dinners because he’s my friend. I needed support and he was there for me. Whenever I’ve needed support he’s been there for me and you used that friendship against him.” My voice cracked. I hated how tears burned in the corners of my eyes. I hated how much I wanted to feel nothing whenever I looked at him. And I hated how he’d used me against LJ.
“All I was trying—”
“You were trying to take away the only person who’s ever truly loved me because you’re jealous. I thought I hated you before, but you’ve sunk to a whole new level.”
His jaw clenched and the vein in the side of his neck bulged. “This wasn’t about jealousy. It was about making sure you two didn’t repeat the same mistakes your mom and I did. Football cannot be more important than the people you care about.”
“It was for you!” I took a step toward him and shoved a finger in his face. “You left. You left me with her and you never came back. Hell, football is still the most important thing in your life.” The tears burned my cheeks in the winter wind. “The deal was weekly dinners with you, except on game nights or when you’re scouting or when you’re at a combine or whenever else it fucking suits you. Or it’s time to hang out with Nora and her kids. It seems you’ve got plenty of time for them.”
“It’s every other weekend. When Nora has the kids.” His lips pinched and his head dipped.
I hoped the weight of shame buried him.
“Yes, football is also important. I have a job and a lot of people who depend on me.”
“So does he.” I screamed so loudly it echoed on the empty street. My throat throbbed, raw and blazing. “Why the hell do you think he’s been working so hard? And you’re worried about him being selfish?”
“He needs to know—”
“No! He doesn’t need to know anything. He needs to get a fair shot at the draft. You will play him in every game for the rest of the season, so his draft prospects aren’t damaged any more than they have been already.”
Tight, clipped words escaped his mouth. “You’re not going to tell me who I can and can’t play, Marisa.”
“If you ever want to see me after today, you will put the best inside linebacker on the team in the last two games before the playoffs. And we both know that’s LJ. It’s what he’s worked for and what he deserves.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I’m done.” I threw up my hands, ready to follow through on what I’d said. It wasn’t a threat, it was the truth. “I’m done with you. I’m done with you and your pretending you care about me. I’m done with you forever. You can play house with your new girlfriend and her kids and forget you ever knew me. Forget I ever existed because you’re a selfish bastard who doesn’t care about anyone other than himself, and Nora and those kids will be better off the second they know that.”
The front door to his house was still partially open. “Did you hear that, Nora? Run the other fucking way.” I raked my blistering gaze over him, not able to believe I’d let LJ think for even a second I could ever think of him as my dad.
“What about your last semester? I still haven’t signed the forms yet.” How long had he been sitting on his ace in the hole?
My laugh dripped disdain and disbelief. “I’ll pay for it. I’ll use the money I saved for my fellowship. I don’t care; I’m done doing things on your terms. If you ever want the chance at having any kind of relationship with your own daughter—your actual daughter, you’ll do what’s right.” I spun to leave.