I wasn’t alone, I want to tell him. Mum and Dad were with me. But pain isn’t something you can share. You can’t scoop out a handful and let someone else carry it for you. Other people around you may be in pain too and you can cry with them, talk to them and hug them, but your pain is your own.
Milo continues to look at me, his eyes swimming with emotion. If I reached out my right hand I could touch him. That’s all I’d need to do to close the space between us. Reach out a hand. There’s only a foot or so of sand between us but it so easily could be a mile.
Milo seems to sense my hesitancy because his head drops, his shoulders droop and his arms hang limply at his sides. It’s as though something within him has crumpled, pulling his body down along with it.
‘I’m sorry, Jessie. I shouldn’t have put that on you. I know you just see me as a friend and—’
I twist towards him and reach for his hands. As our fingers touch he gasps, his breath juddering in his throat. His eyes search my face, bewildered and uncomprehending.
‘I don’t see you as a friend, Milo.’
It takes a second or two for my words to sink in then his face softens, his lips part, he tips his head down towards mine and he kisses me.
‘You OK?’ Milo asks as we near the island and the small strip of beach appears before us. We’ve swum around the whole island and we’re both exhausted and dehydrated. After the kiss at the cove, and then some more kisses, we waded back into the sea. We set off at a pace, keen to return to the others before the sun set. It didn’t take us long to discover that there was no beach on the other side of the island. It was pretty much one long line of rocks. Milo punched the air. I whooped with relief. No more running. No more creeping around. No more fear. We continued our swim, but at a more leisurely pace. No sign of Jack, Josh or their boat. They’d definitely gone.
‘Jess?’ Milo asks again. ‘You OK?’
OK? I don’t think I’ve stopped smiling once since he kissed me. We lay on the sand in the cove for what felt like for ever, just staring at each other, smiling and chatting, laughing softly. There were moments of silence too when he’d touch a hand to my cheek and shake his head softly as though he couldn’t believe what had happened between us. I couldn’t believe it either. We’d known each other since we were babies and there we were, lying on a soft white Thai beach, arms and legs entwined, looking into each other’s eyes feeling like our lives had just begun. All the fears, all the worries, all the terror I’d felt about letting myself love him had evaporated the moment our lips touched and we kissed.
After an age we dragged ourselves up and ran, screaming and laughing, into the sea where we played like children, splashing each other and diving under the water to grab each other’s legs. It was only as the sun began to sink in the sky that we realized why we were there in the first place.
‘I’m good,’ I say to Milo now. ‘But I’m starving. I hope Jefferson’s managed to catch something to eat.’
‘That wasn’t what I meant.’
I twist round in the water to look at him. ‘What did you mean?’
‘Are you OK with the others knowing about us?’
The us makes me smile. Among all the laughing and the playing and the kissing we haven’t exactly had ‘the chat’. Neither of us has mentioned the future or what will happen when we get home, but us makes me think that this isn’t a one-off for Milo. It’s not for me either.
‘Yeah.’ I smile. ‘Of course.’
We don’t hold hands as we walk out of the sea on tired legs but we do ‘accidentally’ bump against each other’s shoulders, glancing and grinning and trying not to laugh. Only a fool would fail to notice that something’s going on, but, instead of getting the third degree as we walk up to the others, no one gives us more than a nod in acknowledgement. Meg and Honor are sitting together, leaning against a thick-trunked palm, chatting conspiratorially, Jeffers is over near the rocks, wading in the water with a spear in his hand, and Danny is sitting alone by a fire that wasn’t there when we left. His knees are gathered up to his chest and he’s staring into the flames.
‘All right, Dan,’ Milo says, settling down beside him. ‘We swam round the island. No sign of Jack and Josh, you’ll be pleased to hear.’
He waits for a reaction but none comes. Instead Danny raises his chin to look at me as I pull a T-shirt over my wet bra. The strangest expression crosses his face. I force a smile despite the strange mood that’s radiating from him like a black cloud. ‘You all right?’
He smiles tightly. ‘Are you?’
I look from him to Milo, but he looks as confused as I feel. What the hell happened while we were gone?
I drift away, towards Meg and Honor. They stop talking as I approach but, unlike Danny, they smile warmly. Well, Honor does. There’s suspicion in Meg’s dark eyes. I ignore it and crouch down. I’m shattered from all the swimming and all I want to do is stretch out on the sand and sleep but I need to find out what’s going on with Danny. Is it something to do with Bella? Does he still think that Milo’s leading me on? But why look so angry with me and not Milo? It doesn’t make sense.
‘You all right?’ Honor asks. ‘You were gone ages. Did you see them? Are they still here?’
I shake my head. ‘Nah, they’ve gone.’
‘Oh thank God.’ She exhales heavily. ‘That’s one less thing to worry about.’
‘Talking of worried…’ I glance back at Danny, who’s still staring into the fire, either listening to Milo talk, or completely ignoring him, I can’t be completely sure. ‘Is he OK?’
‘Yeah, I think so, why?’
‘You sure? Has something happened since we left?’
‘Nothing exciting. Danny swam to the old camp to look for my sunglasses and Jeffers asked him to look for some fishing hooks but he came back empty-handed.’
‘Nothing happened while he was gone?’
‘Not that he mentioned. Why?’
‘He just… He seems a bit off with me, that’s all.’
‘Why would he be off with you?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘He’s…’ She pauses. ‘He’s not been himself for a few days. He’s really jumpy.’
I look at Danny. His face looks drawn, despite the healthy tan. ‘We’ve only got two more nights here and then we can all go back to normal.’
Go back to normal? I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know about the others but this island has changed me and not just physically – I don’t think twice about stripping down to my bikini anymore. It’s not down to Milo and what happened in the cove either; something shifted in my head before that. Maybe it’s the way we’ve all had to pull together since Jack and Josh appeared. I don’t feel like an outsider anymore. We’re all in this together.
‘Guys!’ Jefferson traipses up the beach with a medium-sized fish hanging from the tip of one finger. As he approaches the fire Danny says something to Milo then scrabbles to his feet and heads off in the other direction.
‘See,’ Honor hisses. ‘He’s not just being weird with you. He’s off with everyone.’