“I’ll tell you anything you want to know, Esme. You don’t need to sneak around.”
I try to ignore the cold, sinking feeling in my stomach.
Well done, you’ve screwed this one up royally.
He takes another step and reaches out. I watch his hand curl around my wrist and unfold my arms.
“I just want to know you. The last guy I liked…it didn’t end well.”
“I’m not him.”
“No, you’re not. Can I have a do-over?”
He lets go of my wrist and pulls the drawer open all the way. “Go for it. Tell me what you learn.”
“I don’t want to,” I tell him, and I mean it.
“Sure you do. I have nothing to hide. Snoop all you want. I’ll even leave the room if you’d rather do it alone.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be that girl. I trust you.”
I’m an idiot for thinking he’s involved because of a slip of the tongue. He’s been open with me and he’s not even angry at me for going through his stuff. He wouldn’t tell me to look if he had something to hide.
“Were you looking for something in particular?” he asks.
When is the ground going to swallow me? “No. You must think I’m crazy.”
And I might be, you know. Since all of this started, the threats and stalking, I haven’t felt very sane. I’m paranoid and jumping from one dumb theory to the next. It doesn’t take much to make me suspicious, despite there being a serious lack of evidence with Rebekah and Olly.
“I don’t think you’re crazy. A little sneaky maybe,” he says.
“I didn’t mean to be.”
That sounds so lame. I didn’t mean to be sneaky? I freaking planned it!
“Ask me anything,” he says. “Whatever you want to know.”
“What song can you listen to over and over?”
His lips curl with a smile. “ ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ It’s timeless and brilliant.”
I touch my heart. “Hail Freddie. What’s your sick food?”
“My what?”
“The only thing you can stomach when you’re ill.”
“Oh. Dry toast, I guess.”
“Mine is plain pasta. What’s your favorite thing about your hometown?”
“That it’s called Springfield. I like The Simpsons.”
There’s a Springfield in Missouri. I know because my dad likes The Simpsons, too.
I nod. “My hometown has this little bistro called Dante’s, and they serve the best Philly cheesesteaks in the world.”
“How many calories are in those things?”
“About a whole week’s allowance, but it’s so worth it. Do you count calories?”
“Not religiously. Our old coach was big on living a healthy lifestyle. He liked to win.”
“Football, right?” I ask.
“I was the running back.”
“Did you want to be quarterback?”
“Never appealed. Besides, I was the fastest on the field. I could get that ball far.”
“Do you love it?”
“I do. Football is big at home.”
“Maybe I’ll watch you in the Super Bowl one day.”
“I’m not sure I’m that good.”
“I wish I was sporty. I used to run track for school, but now I just do it for fun.”
“I thought you had runner’s legs.” His eyes dip to my legs, then snap back up.
Smiling, I look away.
I don’t mention him checking me out as I pass him. “If you could have dinner with any actor, who would it be?”
“The questions keep coming, huh?” Olly teases. “Dead or alive?”
I shrug. “Either?”
“Robin Williams. He was brilliant.”
“Who is the person you can be one hundred percent yourself around? No hiding, no judgments? Mine is my nana.”
“My dad. We’re alike,” Olly replies.
“What was your favorite thing to do when you were younger?”
“Six Flags Fiesta. Yours?’ ”
“The zoo with my nana. We went a lot, even sponsored some of the animals. Do you think we’re in danger here?”
His attention drifts to his iPad. “I don’t know.”
I think we are, but I don’t say anything to him because he’s already clicking on Netflix.
So instead of pushing it, I watch The Circle with Olly until we have to go back to the food hall.
And I try to forget that I ever suspected him.
34
A slow two days later, I’m chewing my lip to the point of pain. No need for red lipstick when blood will do the trick.
The campers are asleep, and the day was pretty standard. Nothing out of the ordinary, unless you count one of the boys getting a Cheerio stuck up his nose.
Nothing out of the ordinary. That’s what’s making me sweat now. I’d prefer things to just happen. The wait for Lillian’s next move makes my stomach churn constantly.
Kayla, Rebekah, Tia, Olly and Jake are sitting on the dock, dangling their feet into the water.
I’m supposed to join them.
Instead I’m sitting on the porch of the food hall, just out of sight of my friends.
“Esme?” Mary says as she walks past.
“Hi.” I sit straighter.
She tilts her head. “Are you all right?”
“Fine. Just having a drink,” I say, holding my mug of hot chocolate up.
She nods.
I’m sure she’s about to leave—she should be in her bedroom with Catalina—but she sits next to me instead. “I thought you would be with your friends?”
Okay, she’s staying?
“Yeah, I’ll join them in a minute.”
“You haven’t had a falling-out, have you? Totally normal if you have, it happens from time to time when we’re all in such close quarters.”
“Nothing like that. I just needed a minute.”