I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers. “I want to see your face when you come.”
She wrung her hands around my neck and pulled me down for a kiss. “Blaise, you big softie!”
She wrapped her legs around my waist and met my every movement.
I slowed my pace, and she frowned. “Why are you going slow?”
I cupped her face and kissed her softly. “Want to savor you, sweets. That okay?”
She nodded and let me take the slow reins.
I loved sex when it was hard and rough, and she did too, but there was something different about slowly stroking your woman when you were making love to her. Tonight was where we would end, but I wanted to hang on to her. I poured my feelings into her body and gave everything I could to her. Trying to show her with my body what my heart felt, even though I couldn’t voice it.
“I don’t want to stop,” I moaned into her ear and squeezed my eyes shut.
“Don’t stop, baby,” she moaned, her back arching up as she pressed herself closer to me. “Come with me, Blaise. Please.”
I don’t think she understood that I meant I didn’t want to stop seeing her. That I had fallen in love with her, and I didn’t want to end it here.
Pleasure coursed through me, and I was on the cusp, but I needed her to come first. I needed to hear her moan my name as I unraveled her.
I stroked slowly inside her, pressing her into the bed as I rolled my hips and found that spot deep inside that always set her off. In an instant, she came undone beneath me, her nails digging into my shoulders, as she came with my name a moan on her lips. Then I went off like a rocket. Ropes of cum spilled into the condom, and I groaned out my release, moaning her name like a plea for her to feel what I felt.
I laid my head on her chest, and she caressed my hair while I tried to catch my breath. If this was truly the last time I was going to see her, I’d give her my body until she told me to stop. I’d give her everything she wanted tonight.
“Blaise,” she sighed.
I pulled out of her and got rid of the condom. “Yeah, sweets?”
“Thank you.”
I laid back on the bed and pulled her into my arms, stroking my hand through her hair. “For what?”
She kissed my chest and looked up at me with a longing look I couldn’t place. “For everything. For doing this for me…for being at my side.”
I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed the flower tattoo on her wrist. I wanted this to be every night. For her to be in my arms all the time. Only I would fall in love with a closed-off woman who didn’t allow herself love out of fear of getting hurt.
I gave her my body instead, even though I knew it wouldn’t be enough.
Chapter Twenty-Six
VERONICA
I woke up to an empty bed, and even though I had been expecting it, it still hurt. The bed was cold, like my heart, and it was exactly what I deserved. I could barely move. I was sore from all the lovemaking Blaise and I did last night. He gave it to me roughly and dominated me like I loved, but when he shifted to missionary because he wanted to look me in the eyes, I knew I was done for.
It hadn’t just been a casual sexual encounter last night. It had been something so much more. Something I craved but couldn’t allow myself to have. I broke my own heart because of my foolish idea that I could keep my feelings out of it. He had stared deep into my eyes like he was staring into my soul as he made sweet love to me. But it had only been a goodbye.
It was good he was gone when I woke up; otherwise, my heart would have tried to convince me I needed him to stay. Ghosting me like this was perfect. Everyone did it this way, so having my fake boyfriend do it too was the perfect way to prove my point about why I didn’t do relationships anymore.
I rolled over in bed and looked at my phone.
OLIVIA: You still want me to pick you up?
ME: Please.
OLIVIA: Good, because I’m here. Come downstairs.
I got dressed in last night’s clothes, and I felt gross. But I left the room, collecting the few things I had, and walked out into the morning light to find Olivia waiting in her compact car. I slid into the passenger seat with a sigh.
She grinned at me. “You look like you got fucked six ways to Sunday.”
And then I burst into tears.
“Oh, honey,” Olivia comforted me. She pulled me into a quick hug and let me cry on her shoulder. When I pulled away, she leaned over into the glove box and handed me some tissues.
I nodded my thanks, and she drove off, seeming to get that I didn’t want to talk about it.
Or so I thought.
“You fell in love with him, didn’t you?” she asked when we were almost at my place in Drakesville.
“I don’t understand. I’m not supposed to have feelings anymore.”
That made her laugh her ass off. “Honey! You have feelings, but no one made you feel the way Seth did. I know you and Blaise started this as a casual thing, but I saw you together. Your eyes lit up whenever he texted. And when he came into the shop, I could see the love between you.”
I wiped my eyes. “Liv, can you drop it? I want to go home, shower, and not think about this ever again.”
She nodded and parked across the street from my apartment. “What did Blaise say when you left this morning?”
“He wasn’t there.”
“What?”
“He was already gone.”
“Oh, honey.”
“Let me wallow today, okay? I’m sorry, I’ve been a shitty friend.”
She gave me a knowing smile. “Yeah, but I still love ya. Go upstairs and shower. I’m getting supplies. Then we’re gonna sit on your uncomfortable futon and binge-watch terrible TV.”
I hugged her. “You’re such a good friend. I don’t deserve you.”
“Accurate, but I still love you.”
I did what she asked, spending too long in the shower, mostly because I cried again in there. How could I have been so foolish? How could I have let my lust be confused for genuine feelings? I really liked Blaise, but we both knew the score. It wasn’t real. None of it was real, and now it was over. I should be happy, but it felt like someone had cut my heart out of my chest and stomped on it in front of me. I hadn’t felt this distraught since I woke up one day last year and my fiancé had disappeared.
I lay on my bed, with my hair still wet, staring at my phone. Blaise made me take a selfie of us last night with my phone, and we looked so good together. Like we were a real couple, but it had all been one big lie. I wasn’t even sure what I was supposed to tell everyone. I had to ask him so we could get our stories straight.
I shot him a text that I hoped he’d ignore.
ME: What am I supposed to tell people?
BLAISE: My schedule was too much.
ME: K.
I watched the dots typing and typing, and then they stopped. It happened a couple more times and then stopped for good.
He was done with me. He’d made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but my heart didn’t listen. Why did I let Blaise into my heart? I didn’t want to feel this way, this utter heartbreak and desperation. This was exactly why I didn’t get too involved. It was why I didn’t let men stay over, or cuddle me, or even call me by a pet name. I let Blaise do all of those things. I let him worm his way into my heart, and here I was in the exact situation I didn’t want to be in. Heartbroken yet again.