Gabriel looks like he might say something, but with his lips pursed in what might be disapproval, he just stands and heads out the door with the others. Cal glances over his shoulder at me, concerned, but I force a smile and wave him on. The door shuts behind all of them with a ridiculously loud click.
“So?” I ask as I turn back to Ellis. I try to sound casual. If I sound guilty, she’ll think I have something to be guilty about.
She watches me. It’s not that searing emptiness from before, but it’s still piercing enough to unnerve me. She doesn’t need to become a shade from hell to put me on edge.
“When you were in Sector Eight,” she says finally, “did you hear anything about a group like this? One that was intending to go to war with us?”
“No. But I did spend most of my time looking for information about my past—I didn’t really pay attention to anything outside of that. I could’ve easily missed something.”
Ellis nods, but I can’t tell if she’s satisfied by my answer or not. “It’s like they’ve popped up out of nowhere. Who are they? How could they have gotten their intel on us?”
I don’t answer. I’m not sure she wants me to, and I don’t know what I’d say if she did. I’m walking on rotting stairs here as it is.
Her eyes are locked on a point somewhere past me, and I wonder if she’s communicating with someone through her shadow butterflies. She has that same look of half-concentration, half-distance.
I know I shouldn’t, but I ask, “What happens if this place is ever found?”
Her eyes snap to me. Okay, probably not communicating with someone. “What are you talking about?”
“I just realized I never heard about an emergency plan, is all.” I hold my hands behind my back the way Joan did earlier. “If tonight wasn’t a fluke and this new group is somehow getting enough information on us to know about our raids, it’s not impossible they could find this place eventually. It’s just a ‘what if.’ But what if they attacked us here? All our supplies and everyone’s homes—not to mention the children. There must be a backup plan in case that happens, right?”
It’s not going to happen, but I still want to know. As soon as I told Lai about all the kids here, she ruled out any possibility of attacking the rebels’ home base. She refused to get noncombatants involved—especially when they’re so young. It made my respect for her go up. And made me more relieved than I want to admit. A successful surprise attack on the home base could stop the war. But not at the cost of all the children who call this place home.
Ellis considers me for a long time before she chooses to answer. Her words are slow, deliberate. “We evacuate the youngest children through the emergency tunnel. Half our fighters will stay and fight to buy them time, and the other half will go with the kids to protect them. Then we’ll regroup.” Her gaze is unnervingly intense as she talks. She doesn’t even blink. “But there’s no reason they should find this place.”
I raise my hands in peace, but my heart is hammering through my chest. Does she suspect me? Does she think I asked so I could give the mystery group better intel? Because she thinks I’d give them this location? Man, I really shouldn’t have said anything. Idiot. You need to be more careful than ever now that the Order’s moved. Just because you say something that doesn’t have to do with you actually spying doesn’t mean it won’t be taken as you spying. “I’m still learning how everything operates around here. You don’t seem stupid enough not to have some kind of backup plan, and I wanted to know what it was. Doesn’t everyone else know?”
She continues to watch me. I think that’s what I find so unsettling about her. Her limitless patience. The way she just waits and watches you like she can see straight into your soul and she’s taking her time picking it apart to determine the best way to utterly crush you.
“Thinking ahead is only natural,” she finally says. When she’s ready to speak. “It’s reasonable you’d want to know. But I suggest that instead of pondering a worst-case scenario, you start thinking about how we can eliminate the threats in our way so we don’t get to that point.”
“Got it.” I try not to show my nervousness. I need to be more careful from now on—the last thing I need is to be openly suspected as a spy. Ugh. This is going to be a long war. “Just tell me what you need me to do.”
13
LAI
AS SOON AS the counterstrike team returns, Regail Hall bursts into celebration. Cheers echo through the stone tunnels as word spreads of the team’s success. Some of the members sustained light injuries, but thanks to Austin supplying the weapons we asked for in time and the element of surprise we had over the rebels, we suffered no deaths or life-threatening injuries. Amal, the commander of the team, leads them through an unintentional sort of victory march through the halls as they head for where Fiona and Trist are waiting for their report. Just about everyone in the Order comes out to congratulate them on the way. I can’t even get close to Amal to say welcome back.
“I’m glad everything went well,” Jay says. He grips my hand as the counterstrike team marches proudly past where we stand among the crowd.
“Me too,” I say, squeezing back. “But it’s only going to get harder from here. The rebels know we exist now. We won’t have surprise on our side anymore.”
“No. But for the moment, isn’t it enough to enjoy this victory while we can? We were able to save some of the civilians and escort them back to the sector, stop the rebels, and prevent them from gaining more supplies. It’s good to look ahead and be cautious, but it’s also important to remember what’s been accomplished.” Jay smiles softly like he’s the mind reader. “Don’t worry, Lai. Everyone’s doing their best.”
“Yeah. I know.” I return the smile, but I just can’t relax. Erik’s position is going to be more precarious after this. I’m worried about his safety. Nothing will be as easy or seamless as this first strike, either, and as much as I want everyone to take confidence in this victory, I don’t want them to think it’ll always end this well. I have to keep everyone safe. I need to be better, make sure I lead perfectly. No matter what, I will see an end to this war.
TWO MONTHS LATER
14
LAI
NIGHT COVERS EVERYTHING. Without the goggles Austin supplied the Order, it’d be almost impossible to see anything Outside. I wait with the Order’s counterstrike team in a shallow depression overlooking the location of the rebels’ next supply truck ambush. They’ve gotten much more cautious now that we’ve intercepted them six times—and more dangerous. They know to expect us now, though they still haven’t figured out how we’ve been nailing down their exact battle plans. Tensions are running high over there, apparently. I ask Erik if he’s okay every day, but his responses are always short. I can hear the thoughts he isn’t trying to convey to me, the anxiety, the constant hunger, the fear, but I leave him alone. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, I won’t force him. I just hope he’s safe.