I say nothing. He charges again.
We keep at it without talking anymore. Before I went back to the rebels, I relied on my telekinesis to save my ass and barely knew how to use my sword. It was Cal who helped me relearn. He made me want to get better; his belief in me made me want to live up to his expectations. When I finally managed to beat him for the first time in one of our practice spars, his eyes were gleaming with pride—with confidence in me. When was the last time anyone looked at me like that?
But in the end, all I gave him in return was a knife in the back. I can see it in his eyes as he swings his sword, the tension in his muscles that was never there when we practiced together. He’s fighting for more than this war right now. I wonder if he’s even thinking of the rebels’ cause.
He has every right to want to kill me. But I am not going to die here.
We keep trading blows. My arms start to feel like lead, but I continue pushing back. If I mess up even for a second, I’m going to die. This isn’t the time to be careless.
My chance comes when Cal lunges too far forward. I swing my blade near the hilt of his sword, putting all the strength I have in the blow, and it flies out of his hands with a harsh clang.
He stares at his empty hands, then back at me. Since I still have Gabriel’s power crystal and he somehow miraculously hasn’t taken back its power, Cal’s gift of manipulating the wind won’t work on me. And he knows it.
Slowly, his hands fall to his sides. “It’s your win, Erik.”
I can’t move. I hadn’t actually thought about what I’d do if I won. I can’t just let Cal go like I did with the other rebels. He’s one of their top leaders and a crazy-good fighter. He’s not even really hurt. If I let him go, he’ll just pick up his sword and keep fighting—and I can’t let the possibility of him hurting my friends exist.
But I don’t want to kill him. And the longer I stare at him, the more I realize I can’t kill him. Not Cal. Not the person who accepted me as I was and taught me the things I was supposed to know but didn’t. Not the person who laughed with me and helped me and believed in me. Not my best friend.
The tip of my sword falls. My eyes start to burn, and I blink back whatever’s trying to come out. “I can’t,” I say quietly. “Not you.”
He looks at me with such surprise that guilt stabs my stomach worse than a blade. Of course he must think I don’t care after everything I did. Of course he wouldn’t believe me if I said how much I cared about him, about our friendship.
“Cal,” I say. “Do you really believe the only way to finish this is to destroy the sectors? That it’s best to kill all those tens of thousands of people? I never for a second thought you were a heartless murderer. But is that really what you’re fighting to become?”
He doesn’t say anything. I can feel people around us watching—a lot like when Ellis and Lai fought each other last time. I realize they’re waiting to see what Cal will do. He’s one of the rebels’ leaders—and the most outgoing, friendliest one. It didn’t take me long after I joined the rebels to realize how much they love Cal for his kindness and good humor. Whatever he chooses to do right now could have a huge impact on them. It could buy the Order the time it needs without Cal having to die for it.
Please, Cal. Please make the choice you know is right.
Cal sighs, long and low, and finally lifts his head to look at me. He almost smiles. “You’ve gotten soft,” he says. I stiffen. “But you know, I kind of like that. You always were too distant before. I … was really happy when you came back, Erik. Not just because I could be with my best friend again. But because you were even better than before.”
A heavy weight crushes my chest, but I don’t know what to say. The tears from before are threatening again, and I blink them back, hard.
Cal almost laughs. But it disappears right away, and exhaustion as heavy as Lai’s replaces it. “I’m … so tired of this fight, Erik.”
“Then let’s end it. Together. We don’t need to lose anyone else, Cal.”
He looks at me for a long time. I think he’s going to say it’s already impossible or that he’d rather die than give up here. But then he raises his voice and says for everyone around us to hear, “I’m surrendering. I have no reason to continue fighting for this war.”
When I run to hug him, the tears finally fall.
35
AL
THERE’RE SO MANY people I can barely see in front of me. I stick close to Jay and a few others. We’ve managed to form a tight group, watching out for one another and teaming up to take on anyone too strong for just one of us to fight. It’s the first time I’ve ever fought back-to-back like this in a real fight for so long. Usually I go off on my own once I get impatient trying to match everyone else’s pace. But when my halberd misses its mark, Jay’s there to cover for me. His knives flash in the light, tracing his movements better than my eyes can. He’s gotten a lot faster than when we first met. And stronger.
We tag-team a huge, broad-shouldered girl. I act as the distraction and pull her attention toward me, swinging and thrusting my halberd at any opening I can. Jay circles and strikes as soon as she’s too focused on me, diving in with his blades before she can block, then backing out again to safety. Together, it doesn’t take us long to beat her.
We regroup with our other allies, forming an outward-facing ring with weapons bared. Anyone who’s dumb enough to approach us quickly realizes their mistake.
At one point as I swing my halberd, feeling a rush of adrenaline as I let loose, I catch sight of my brother in the distance. I don’t know what made me notice him, especially when he’s so far out and not even in the battle itself—just watching from the top of a shaky-looking pillar of boulders—but I recognize him instantly. His eyes scan the battle, and even from here I can see the look of worry on his face. I remember how he just watched during the last fight, too. Of course. Gabriel’s always been physically weak—it’s why I never suspected him of being a Nyte. It’d be suicide for him to join.
He’s my target—and if I take him out like I said I would, not only would it be a punch in the face to the rebels since he’s one of their leaders, but it means his neutralization gift would disappear, too. This fight would be a lot easier for our side. It’d be so simple to cut a path through to him. To stand at the bottom of that pillar and shove it over.
But I don’t. Taking him out would be a huge help for the Order, and maybe it would even make me feel satisfied about successfully carrying out my revenge. But he’s so far away. To go after him would mean abandoning Jay and the others. Right now, my friends need me to fight by their sides. And I still don’t even know if I actually want to kill him or not anymore. I’ve had time to think about what he said in that last battle. I think I believe him. But I want to talk to him more first.
I keep my back to Jay’s, and we steadily, calmly take down another rebel. And then another. And another. I know Jay senses my mood change by the way he’s tensed up, but when I don’t make any move to run away, he loosens up again.
Guilt flares through my stomach. What have I been doing? Abandoning my friends in battle. Leaving them to chase after pointless revenge. Paul died because I acted like that. Jay could’ve died in that last fight. Maybe he would’ve if he hadn’t gotten so much stronger. I’m not about to throw anything else away for the past. Never again.