“Don’t be. Neve and I spoke.”
“About?” My throat narrows and I feel vomit quickly rising.
“I told Neve that I don’t want her here when you and I are being intimate. She didn’t understand at first, she thought she’d done something wrong to make me not like her. But I explained to her how sex isn’t for kids. And if or when you and I do have sex, then I want her to stay in her room and keep coloring.”
“You said that to her?” I lower my gaze, embarrassed because of what’s happened. “Dylan…”
“Don’t you dare tell me that you and I aren’t going to work. Don’t hide behind Neve, or AJ, or Kate. AJ, Neve, and I have come to an understanding. You’re a family, a family who has to learn where I fit in. I’m patient, and I’m willing to work with all members of the family for them to be comfortable with me.”
“But…”
“Look.” Dylan sighs. He sits closer and takes my hands in his. “There’s no manual for this. There’s no rule book. There’s no GPS. Nothing. What we have to do is work together. All five of us.”
I pull my hand away, and rub at my temple. “You’re so gentle, and… and… willing to accept anything that’s going to come my way. It’s not too late.”
He scoffs as he shrugs. “It might not be too late for you. But me, I’m a goner. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met. And I don’t care how long I have to wait. I will. An eternity? Pffft.” He flicks his hand at me. “I’ll wait five eternities.”
“You know what’s scary?”
“What?”
“The depth of your love for me.”
He scratches at his chin for a moment, thinking. “It shouldn’t be scary. It should be comforting. Because I’ll always be there to catch you. I’m your safety net, and you’re mine.” He chuckles again. “In time, all four of you will be my safety net, so I’m winning more in this relationship thing more than you.”
I stare at him, my mouth open. “Did you just make a joke about my alters?”
“I made a joke about all of you.” He winks, as he falls back against the sofa, dragging me on top of him. Straddling his legs, I lean down and kiss him.
This kiss isn’t as fevered as the first.
But that’s okay, for tonight.
“Hey, wake up,” Dylan says as he peppers kisses down my cheek, to the top of my neck.
“Do I have to?” I moan as I turn over in bed.
“Yeah, I’ve made you a hot chocolate. I want you to see the sunrise, come on.”
Painfully aware of my morning breath, I flick my hand at him. “I need the bathroom. I’ll be out in a moment.”
“Don’t take too long.” He kisses me on the cheek again, before pushing off the bed and leaving. I hear Zhen’s toenails scrape against the floor as he follows Dylan. “Come on, boy. Want some breakfast?”
I know Zhen’s favorite word, other than ball, is breakfast and dinner. I can imagine he’s wagging his tail, waiting for Dylan to feed him.
Last night ended up disastrous. We didn’t have sex. Dylan couldn’t go through with it. He was shaken by the fact Neve forced her way through. He needs time, and I’m okay with that. I won’t push for him to do anything he’s not comfortable with, just like he’s patient with me.
Throwing the covers back, I head into the bathroom to take care of my morning business.
I can hear Dylan talking to Zhen from the front porch, asking him how he liked sleeping on the sofa. I can’t help but giggle. “You know, I think you should sleep on the sofa tonight too. Try not to come into the room.”
I quickly brush my teeth, and fix my hair so I don’t have bed-head, then leave the bathroom so I can find Dylan and Zhen.
Dylan’s sitting on a bench seat out on the porch. Zhen’s at his feet, sitting with his head on Dylan’s lap, his tail swishing on the porch floor as it wags.
“I think you’ve definitely found a best friend there.” I indicate to Zhen.
“I gave him food. I think that’s the only reason he likes me.” He scratches Zhen’s head. Zhen’s eyes begin to close. “Here, take a seat. Let me grab you your hot chocolate.” He stands and rushes into the cottage, then comes back within seconds, carrying two mugs. “I’ve fed Zhen. He seemed to like what I gave him.”
“That’s because he’s not a food snob, and likes everything we put in his bowl. He isn’t a fussy dog.”
Dylan sits beside me, and slings his arm over my shoulder. We sit and look over the vast grounds. The sun is rising, and the light is only just breaking over the land. “It’s so peaceful here,” Dylan says, and kisses the side of my head.
“It’s so quiet. All night long all I could hear were the frogs.” I look around, and see a large house in the distance. “Wow, is that Tommy’s house over there?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s huge. Mind you, this cottage is pretty big too. Especially considering it’s a cottage.”
“Yeah, he bought the land and built the houses on here. He offers this for whoever needs a few days away. His parents travel often, and they come to stay here for the holidays. He’s a good guy. We’ll go over later for lunch, if that’s okay with you.”
I instantly become apprehensive. My stomach churns as I mentally start creating tension about what could happen. “I don’t know,” I say slowly.
“It’s okay, Molly. I told him about you, and your incredible life. He’s eager to meet you.”
“You don’t think he’ll think I’m some kind of freak?”
“Ahhh, freak? No. Weird?” He playfully grimaces. “Maybe.”
I smack his chest in fun. Dylan always eases my anxiety. Just knowing he’s here for me, makes having alters a lot easier. “Okay, I’ll meet him. I’m sure he’s a nice guy.”
“Yeah, he is. But you can’t tell him I said that.”
I stand, and maneuver myself so I’m sitting on Dylan’s lap. Zhen walks away, and goes to lay down at the top of the steps with a heavy sigh. “I love you,” I say again. I find myself not really saying these words often to Dylan. I don’t know why. I do love him. But for some reason, they’re difficult words to say.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
“I don’t know why I can’t tell you I love you more often. I feel like something’s holding me back.”
“I don’t know either. But it doesn’t matter how often you tell me. I know you do, and that’s all that matters to me.”
“No, I should be able to say it more than once every now and then. I don’t know why I struggle to say it.”
“Maybe as we grow as a couple and you feel safer with me, you’ll be able to open up to me more.”
“Do you think I’m cold toward you?”
“No, not cold. But reserved. In saying that though, it’s understandable. You have to learn how to trust me.”
“I do trust you.”
“I know you do, but I haven’t been in your life as long as your parents, or Tina. They’ve proven to you that you can trust them, and love easily flows between you all. Your guard is still up with me, but I’m breaking down those barriers, and one day you’ll easily tell me you love me often. I’m patient.”