“Molly, are you okay?” Amelia asks. I nod, and offer her a weak smile. “No, you’re not. What’s happening?”
“I can feel that AJ’s antsy. He wants to come through.”
I purse my lips together, and flick my gaze to the side. It takes me a few moments to say what I’ve been feeling for a while. “I want to be able to live with AJ, Kate, and Neve, without them forcing their way out. We need to figure out a way that works for all of us. I don’t want AJ forcing himself out because he needs to protect me. I don’t want Neve coming through when Dylan and I are intimate.” I look over to my parents, and Dad winces. “Kate seems to be a bit more mellow and not as intense as AJ in particular.”
“Perhaps AJ is intense because his life has always been like that. He’s had to protect you, and Neve, and Kate. You all need to find a balance, between not only the four of you, but also with Dylan, and your parents. You all need to work together. After all, you’re all a family.”
“When Dylan comes over, do you want us all to have a discussion?” Mom offers. “Or…?” She shrugs.
“I think I need to sort this out with them first.” I tap my temple. “When we come to an arrangement of who comes forward when, we can have this discussion with you too.”
“I um…” Mom huffs. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Molly. But they’ve spent their lives protecting you. Now it’s our job as your parents to protect all four of you. They’ve done a wonderful job, fighting for you when you were too young to do it for yourself. They guarded, and made sure you were safe when safety wasn’t given to you. Your father and I, we want all of you to know, we understand. You must be so tired, and we’re here for all of you. If Kate, or AJ, or Neve, want to talk to us, we’re here. We’ll listen, and we’ll protect all of you.”
I wipe the tears falling from my eyes.
“You don’t have to be strong anymore. We’ll be your strength for as long you need us,” Dad says.
We’ll always need you.
My hand clutches at my chest. “AJ just said, we’ll always need you.”
Dad smiles triumphantly. “Good, because this is our family.”
I sit back in my chair, somewhat satisfied. “We have to talk,” I say.
“Sorry, what?” Mom asks.
“Not you, sorry. I meant them.” I tap my temple again.
Is everything okay? Kate asks.
“We all need to be together, so we can set some ground rules.”
What kind of ground rules? AJ sounds apprehensive.
“I don’t think now is the best time,” I respond.
“Are you talking with AJ, Neve, and Kate now?” Amelia asks.
“Kate and AJ are here, but Neve isn’t.” I focus on them, trying to listen, and feel for Neve. “Neve?” I call.
I’m here. Comes a tiny voice.
“We need to talk.”
Did I do something wrong?
“No, nothing like that.” I look to Amelia and smile. “Neve asked if she’s done something wrong.”
“If they’re all with you, you need to tell them how you feel,” Amelia suggests.
What’s going on? Don’t you like us anymore?
“No, nothing like that, Neve. You’re all so important to me. But I think we need to all work together now.”
How? Kate asks.
“This is a part of my healing, and I think it needs to be a part of yours too. What we went through with him was nothing short of a nightmare. But now, it’s our time to mend from within. We have to find a way for all of us to be free of him, but to still work together.”
What are you thinking? Neve asks.
“Maybe we can have a schedule. Something like a roster. Maybe certain days you can be free for a few hours, Neve. Other days, AJ and Kate can.”
I want to go to the movies. I feel Kate excitedly jumping up and down. And I want popcorn. Lots and lots of popcorn.
I smile. “Do you want to go to the movies on your own? Or would you prefer someone go with you? My parents? Dylan?”
Oh my God! You’re giving me a choice?
“What’s happening?” Dad asks. “You’re offering us to do something, and we don’t have an issue with that, but we’d like to know what you’re signing us up for.”
“Kate wants to go to the movies and eat lots of popcorn.”
Lots and lots of popcorn.
I chuckle. “Sorry, Kate corrected me, she said lots and lots of popcorn.” I emphasize the second ‘lots.’
“I can take her to the movies,” Mom offers.
I want to watch shoot ’em up, gory movies.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting that from you, Kate. I think that’ll be Dad’s department, not Mom’s.”
“Hey!” Mom grumbles and frowns.
She can take me to a chick flick, but yeah, I’ll go with your Dad.
“Kate wants to watch gory, shoot ’em up movies. So I think, Dad, you’re up for that one. But she also said she wants chick flicks, so Mom, that’s you.”
I just want to draw. I like drawing with Dylan. Do you think he’ll draw with me?
“I think he’ll love it. How about I ask him when we see him tonight, or tomorrow? Do you want to do anything else?”
I can hear Neve ‘hmmming.’ If I think of something else, can I tell you?
“Of course, you can. AJ, what about you?”
I like Dylan, and I’d like to hang out with him sometimes. Maybe we can go to the gym.
“I’m glad you like him. I can ask him that too.”
How about if we all agree to not force our way out without M’s permission? AJ questions.
“I’d really appreciate that happening. I’m sure they’ll be times you can’t help it, but if we can all agree to try and give me an opportunity to either say yes or no first, would be helpful to me. It means in time I’ll be able to maintain a kind of normal life.”
Okay. They all agree together.
But don’t think for one moment, we’ll ever stop protecting you. AJ adds.
I take a deep breath and look around the room. “And I’ll never stop protecting you, either.”
My world will never be the same again.
And I’m okay with that.
The last five years have been nothing short of a whirlwind. I’ve become a pillar in the DID community, with people reaching out to me from all over the world. It started at Mack’s trial. For the first time in American history, the judge allowed my alters to give evidence. It was Neve’s strength and words that ultimately saw Mack’s sentence go from life imprisonment with parole, to life imprisonment with no parole.
The media got a whiff of the woman giving evidence who had what they called multiple personalities. I had to step forward and school them, but in fact, that’s Kate’s department. She loves coming out and dealing with all the hype and media, and that works so well for me, because I’m definitely not the type who likes to be the center of attention. Kate thrives on it.
For me though, I’m a homebody. I prefer the company of Dylan and my dogs to anyone else—other than my family, of course.
Sitting in the family room, I’m waiting for Dylan to return from work. He shouldn’t be too long, he’s on a short day today because he’s taking me somewhere special for our one-year wedding anniversary.