“He’s mad that I sat for Zella and never told him,” I explain with a frown. “I was trying to protect her while not interfering with his custody. It’s that simple.”
“Pretty fucking stupid, too,” Jace says unhelpfully.
I frown as I pour some cereal into the bowl. I know it was stupid. At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Now, I realize why Terrence wouldn’t have let me go. I was in over my head and never even realized it.
“He won’t reply to my texts.” My voice shakes and tears burn at my eyes. “I don’t think he’s getting over it.”
“If he cares about you, he will,” Jace assures me.
His phone buzzes and then he starts laughing. “Oh fuck. He didn’t.”
“What?”
“Your dad just left Elise’s house. They broke up.”
“No way!” I say, snagging his phone to confirm what he just said. “About damn time. Elise was such a bitch.”
“Elise wanted a rich dweeb she could boss around and spend all his money,” Jace reveals. “Our boy Gary will daddy the fuck out of some girl one day, but he will not sit on the sidelines while some cunt drains him and tries to make him feel like shit.”
“Tell me how you really feel,” I deadpan.
“Elise is a bitch. I don’t like her.”
“So does this mean you and Dad are going to be on the prowl again? I don’t think I can handle it again. You’re both so gross.”
Jace snorts out a laugh. “You’re definitely on the rag.”
I smack him in the arm. “I’m not. I’m just in a bad mood because my boyfriend won’t respond to me.”
“He’ll come around,” he assures me. “If he doesn’t, he doesn’t deserve you. You’re unique, Penny English. A one of a kind bitch.”
“You’re such a master with words, pet. Put that on my birthday cake.”
He grins at me. “Deal.”
I roll my eyes at him. The doorbell rings, saving me from any more Jace jokes. As I hurry out of the kitchen, I can’t help but feel a swell of hope that it’s Terrence. He can’t be mad at me forever. I fling open the door and my heart leaps into my throat.
It’s him.
Terrence.
I could almost cry at seeing him. He’s so handsome it hurts to look at him. His glasses make him a million times hotter than usual and his droopy eye is looking more normal since he started wearing them. Today he’s in a fitted white Henley that showcases all his sculpted muscles. His dark jeans hug his muscular thighs and his Timberland wheat-colored boots finish off the sexy look. The laces are undone in a sloppy way that looks really, really good. His facial hair is trimmed short and precise like always. I missed touching him. I crave to reach up and run my finger along the severe shave line on his cheek so I can feel both the scruff and the smoothness of his skin.
It’s his expression that keeps my hands firmly planted at my sides.
“Hi, Smash,” I say, swallowing down the nerves in my stomach. “Want to come in?”
“I don’t have a lot of time. Cal’s babysitting Zella. This won’t take long, Penny.”
My chest aches and bile rises in my throat. “What’s up?”
I miss his smile. I miss the twinkle in his mahogany eyes. I miss his playfulness.
Nothing about him seems warm or friendly, which terrifies me.
Surely I didn’t push him away completely.
No, Terrence forgives easily. He thought my sister was the one who crashed into him and he still forgave her. All I did was lie about my job. No big deal. Everything is fine.
“I…” He scowls and looks down at his boots. “We should talk.”
“We are talking,” I state, my voice higher than normal.
“We had a lot of fun.” His gaze lifts to meet mine, but there’s a hardness there I’ve never seen directed my way.
Had.
Had
We had a lot of fun.
“Terrence,” I whimper, reaching for him.
He takes a step back, sending my heart plummeting.
“But that’s all it was. Fun,” he says coolly. “I see that now. I should have known better getting involved with someone so young.”
All I can do is gape at him, tears quickly forming in my eyes.
“I need to focus on Zella right now.” His jaw clenches as his eyes zero in on a tear that races down my cheek. “I,” he utters, his voice hoarse. “I want to help the investigators find her mother.”
“Don’t shut me out,” I beg, choking back a sob as more tears roll out.
His features twist painfully. “I think you did enough shutting out for both of us.”
“Terrence.” I reach for him again, but a severe shake of his head has me stopping. “I could help you find her mom.”
“You’ve done enough helping,” he rumbles. “I can do this on my own.”
“What about us?” The tears won’t stop and I can’t control them. Charlotte’s the crier in our family, not me.
“There can’t be an us. Not without trust. I lost it a week ago when you walked through my door beat to shit and I had no clue how the fuck it happened.” He rubs at the back of his neck, shooting me a pained expression. “I can’t be what I need to be for Zella and always be worrying about you, Penny. I can’t. After what happened, I will always wonder what else you aren’t telling me. I get it. You’re closed off. I always thought I’d be the one you let in. Now, I realize, I’m not that guy.”
“You are,” I argue, my bottom lip wobbling.
“I’m not.” He lets out a ragged sigh. “Take care of yourself. I’ll see you at practice.”
He stalks down the hallway and disappears into the elevator. My legs give out, sending me crashing to the floor as a sob overcomes me. Tears stream down my cheeks as pain pokes deadly holes in my heart.
We’re not over.
How could he even suggest such a thing?
I get him and he gets me.
You don’t just throw that away.
Guilt consumes me. I knew it was a bad idea keeping it from him. I just always thought if he found out, he’d be mad and get over it. I never expected him to put an end to us. I cry so hard the floor blurs in front of me. Strong arms scoop me up like I’m a child. Dad’s not here, but the next best thing is. I cling to Jace, sobbing against his tattooed neck.
“I got you, kiddo,” he assures me.
“What am I gonna do, pet? He broke my heart.”
“You’re going to cry it out. And then, Penny, you’re going to get right back up. You’re going to keep moving. You’re an English. You people are not weak.”
I cry silently, wondering how I get over this. The sound of Jace’s breathing seems like it’s louder today. The air conditioner cuts on and makes the blinds rattle. I can hear the annoying kid upstairs bouncing around. The water in the bathroom sink drips in a loud, maddening way.
“What do you need?” Jace asks.
“I need my AirPods.”
He hands me my phone and AirPods. I flick on the white nose channel and crank it up. The soothing sound silences it all.
Nothing can silence the wails of pain that echo inside my mind.