Jace lingers, offering a comforting presence, but eventually he leaves me to my despair.
We broke up. Terrence and I broke up.
It’s going to take a long time to get over this.
Terrence
April
Don’t think about it.
Man, don’t think about it.
I can’t help it, though. Every time I look at Zella, my heart breaks. She doesn’t understand. I told her in the best way I knew how, but she shrugged and went along her merry way.
Garrett says she doesn’t have the capacity to process that information. In time, she’ll begin to understand, and then I’ll need to make sure she has the counseling and support she needs. Until then, I am to just keep being her dad.
Fuck.
None of this was ever supposed to happen.
I was supposed to find Lacey and we were going to co-parent like nobody has ever seen. We were going to be successful at it. A team who loved their daughter and would do anything for her.
We never got the chance.
It’s been a couple of months since I broke it off with Penny, but I ache to talk to her right now. Some nights, it’s everything I can do to not find her contact in my phone and reach out.
I miss her.
I need her.
I want her.
But, now, more than ever, I’m furious at her. She put her life in danger. Penny could have ended up like Lacey.
I still remember Fitzgerald’s face a month ago as he explained to me they discovered the bodies of both Lacey and Vicki. Forensics showed that Vicki died from a broken neck. Lacey’s was more traumatic. A blunt object struck her in the head and she died from swelling of the brain. Jack’s DNA was all over them. He killed them, buried them under a couple of rose bushes in their backyard, and then brought Zella back to Hood River, clearly trying to outrun his past.
And Penny was there with him the whole time.
Taking his shit. Alone.
He tried to rape and kill her, for fuck’s sake.
Anger simmers in my gut. As pissed as I am at her, I crave to pull her in my arms and remind myself she lived. She’s safe.
“You want to hold her?” Hollis asks, sitting down beside me with their new baby girl. “I thought I’d give Roan a break from pushing the swings.”
I chuckle as I dart my gaze to Roan. He’s been taking turns pushing Sebban and Zella, who keep squealing to go faster. “Yeah, I’ll hold her.”
Hollis passes me Hope and then hands me her bottle. I stare down at the little girl they adopted about a month ago. She doesn’t look like that fucker Wes Ewing, which is a good thing. In fact, the girl has the same coloring as Hollis—blond hair, fair skin, and intense blue eyes.
“You’re a cute little thing, aren’t you?” I coo, grinning down at the baby as I offer her the bottle.
She pins me with a curious stare as she devours her bottle. Roan plops down beside me on the outdoor love seat, leaning down to kiss Hope.
“I can’t believe this life is mine,” he says, his voice soft and unlike anything I’ve ever heard from him.
I follow his stare to where Hollis now pushes the kids. Their new backyard is huge, butting up to a thicket of woods. The house itself is older, but it’s big. Much bigger than the garage apartment they had before. It’s a fixer-upper, but I’m learning Roan is actually quite handy.
“Dad and I are going to tackle the kitchen next weekend. Pray for me,” he jokes, a smile tugging at his lips.
I can’t help but chuckle. Jace was proud as fuck to be asked by Roan to help fix up the house they bought. He’s been on his best behavior too. Where Roux let him back into her heart, he’s had to work extra hard for Roan. Roan is still frosty toward Jace at times, but he’s getting there. Plus, Jace is a good construction worker. He has good ideas and is patient when showing Roan how to do stuff. It’s the perfect project to bring them back together. The house needs lots of work, so they’ll get to spend plenty of time together.
“How are you doing, man?” Roan asks, his brows furling.
“Great. I got my little girl. I can’t ask for more.”
Roan sighs. “How are you handling Lacey’s death?”
“I’m pissed,” I reveal. “I hate Jack and wish the authorities would find him. I’m angry at Lacey for not telling me what a monster he was when we slept together all those years ago. I feel like I could have helped her if she’d told me.” I shrug. “Mostly, I feel helpless. My little girl doesn’t understand her mother is dead. She isn’t processing it like she should. I’m worried it’ll come out later.”
“I hear you,” he mutters. “You’re doing great, though. Just think, a year ago, you were still trying to fuck one of your professors before you graduated from college. No kid. No accident. No psycho Jack. You were living your best asshole life.”
We both laugh.
“But now look at you.” He grins at me. “A damn good dad. You survived a fucking coma. And you’re adulting like a motherfucker. Growing up looks good on you.”
“How’s Penny?” I ask, unable to stop myself from blurting out the words. “I mean, I see her at practice and games. I just didn’t know how she was doing.”
Roan studies me for a long while. “She’s fine.”
“Fine?”
“Penny’s just being Penny.” He frowns. “Maybe more strange than usual. Snappy. Distant. Jumpy. Sad.”
Guilt stabs me in the chest. Every time I think of the way she broke down crying when I ended things with us, it guts me. It took everything in me not to pull her to my chest and soothe her. Some nights, I replay that day in my head, hating how I made her cry.
But I was upset.
Furious even.
She lied and could have ended up right where Lacey did.
Still, I miss her.
“We tried to invite her over tonight, but she said no.”
I lift a brow at him. “Because I was coming over?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” he says with a smirk. “No, it’s her birthday.”
“She had better plans?”
“No.” He sighs. “She has no plans.”
My stomach twists painfully. “Why not?”
“She doesn’t want to celebrate. I mean, she was forced to over the weekend. Kelsey got her favorite cupcakes and cooked dinner. We gave her gifts and sang ‘Happy Birthday,’ but that was the extent of it. Today’s her actual birthday, but she won’t even let Tierra take her out.”
“Why not?”
“She said birthdays are for losers. I don’t know. More Penny avoidance tactics. Garrett’s worried about her. He and Charlotte tried to convince her to see a therapist after what happened with Jack, but she refuses.”
Hope starts to cry, so I pass her off to her daddy. Zella and Sebban run over to us, babbling about how they saw a frog.
“Can we catch frogs on my birthday?” Zella asks, peering at me with her wide brown eyes.
“Frogs!” Sebban yells like the rowdy little shit he is.
Hope flinches at his outburst, but Roan soothes her with a pat to her bottom.
“If that’s what you want to do,” I say, “but it doesn’t sound like much fun.”