Rocket was underfoot and I felt her warm sniffing nose through my sweatpants. I watched Teddi slip some cheese to the dog. Teddi liked the bubbles in the dough, but seemed to hate the cheese. Each piece was scraped clean and she ate just the sauce and bread. Both brothers reached onto her plate without asking and snatched the extra cheese for themselves, but she still had some left for Rocket.
I sat back and watched Mike observe the act. “You know that gives her the farts, Ted.”
Teddi rolled her eyes, reminding me of Austin. “She sleeps in your room, so…”
When we were all done, I got up and carried my plate and cup into the kitchen like the rest of the kids. They took over for Ronna, as she and Mike took Rocket for a walk. I stood fairly useless until Milt sat down on a stool in the kitchen.
“Do you play any games?” He played with the hair in front of his eyes.
“Not really. Didn’t have a system.” I put my hands into my pockets. “Had an old Game Boy.”
“Ever go to an arcade or anything?” Milt’s hands were always moving, pressing buttons on controllers.
“A couple of times when I was younger. But I don’t remember them that much.” I scratched the back of my neck. Here was where it would come up. That I barely had money to pay the bills. That my dad tried to kill me. My otherness would seep in. I didn’t want to feel like a spotlight was on my life. I was in the same age group as these kids, but this was not how I was used to things being done. With no edge to anything. No danger. At least that I could sense.
“All right. You interested in finding out what kind of games you like?” Milt stood up from the stool as Austin and Teddi finished the dishes together.
“Sure.” I followed Milt up to his room. He had four gaming chairs, so I collapsed into one that looked like a basketball hoop.
Milt was friendly and started out with a basketball game, saying he knew I liked to play.
After learning the controls, I had fun with Milt. Eventually, Mike and Ronna knocked on the doorjamb.
“Hey, boys. Good to see you settling in, Gaze.” Mike gave me a huge smile.
“Can we borrow you for a few minutes? We just have some paperwork to go over with you. Court stuff.” Ronna pulled a manila folder to her chest.
I handed the controller to Milt. “Thanks, man.”
“Anytime.” He lifted his chin at me and then returned to the game.
Ronna and Mike led me to their bedroom. I was getting concerned that I was in trouble or something, but they directed me to sit in the sitting area while they sat in the other chairs that were settled into a triangle.
“How’s it going so far?” Ronna seemed very concerned about my answer.
“It’s great so far. I guess I’m leery of everything going right. I feel like there should be a shocker soon. Like something that feels wrong.” I bit my lips together.
“I think that’s understandable in your situation. And you’re our very first foster kid. We’re bound to make mistakes going forward.” Mike held out his hand to Ronna who took it gratefully.
“I think it’s only fair to tell you why we decided to start fostering.” Ronna held up a picture of a little boy that looked like a mix between Austin, Milt, and Teddi. “This was Abel, our firstborn. We miss him still. He passed away while I was pregnant with Austin, and I’ve always felt like there was room here for one more family member.”
Ronna stared at the picture and touched the paper with her fingertip.
“We get that you’re here temporarily, but we had this extra room and really wanted to share it with someone that needed it. So, I hope this works out while you’re with us. We’re slated to be with you through the new year, and then Mrs. Josephine will reassess how things are going. See if we are a good fit and all of that.”
I was happy their motives seemed pure, even if the story of their first child was sad.
“This is just a few things we put togther to sort of be like a user manual. Just where stuff is and how to get in and out. Anything we could think of.” She held the folder out to me. I took it and thanked them when it seemed like the conversation had done what they needed it to do.
I made my way down to my room and I settled into my bed for the first time. As I paged through the very scrapbook looking pages, I missed Pixie. I would miss her every day. I felt very far from her.
Chapter 31
Gaze
I WAS ABOUT an hour and a half away from my apartment, but it felt like a lifetime away. Waking up in a new house and bedroom made me angry. Because despite Bruce being a fuck-up, this life felt like I was borrowing it from someone else. I had feelings I didn’t know how to place.
I didn’t want to be an asshole to these people, but I kind of was. I wanted to prove to them that I was different. That you could give me clothes and stuff, but I was not going to necessarily fit right in.
Which didn’t make sense. I felt the betrayal of Pixie on every inhale and exhale, which was also a huge part of my recovery. Meeting with the therapist and the psychologist made me feel like a science experiment.
The Burathons gave me space and understanding. And I found even that pissed me off. Late one Wednesday night, I packed a bag and walked out of my French doors. I was going to walk home. See what was what. Where I could fit in.
I smelled burning cigarette smoke and almost crapped myself when in the night Austin’s soft voice whispered, “Hey.”
“Shit, man. What the hell?” I stepped away from him and my movement triggered the motion lights on. All of a sudden, he and I were lit up like escaping prisoners.
He grabbed my upper arm and pulled me into the shadows. Only a red ember lingering by his hand gave us away. It quickly fluttered to the ground and was stomped out.
“I’m smoking,” he stated the obvious. “Why are you all ready to bounce?”
My eyes adjusted to the darkness as the security light snapped off from lack of movement.
“I just... need to see stuff.” I looked over my shoulder toward the driveway.
“All right. You need a lift?” He let go of my arm.
I stared at him for a few beats. I was running away. He shouldn’t be helping me. Then again, a dude that wore nail polish was probably used to doing things differently than expected. “Aren’t you gonna rat me out to your parents?”
I squinted as I tried to ascertain his motives.
“Nah. I’m an insomniac, and sometimes they don’t need to know everything.” He tucked his pack of cigarettes into the pocket of his gray sweatpants. He jingled some keys and pulled them out. “Seriously. Where do you want to go?”
It would be a hell of a long walk from Poughkeepsie to my city apartment. Well, someone’s city apartment. My stamina was way better than it had been, but I’d probably be sleeping on the streets. And it was chilly. “All right. But don’t fucking kidnap me back to here or anything.”
Austin’s wry smile was comforting. “Darling, I’m not into snitching on people.”
He motioned with his head in the direction of the curb where his car was parked. I followed him, both of us walking on the perimeter of the driveway so as to not set off the lights again.
When we opened the car doors, he whispered again, “Don’t close them yet. Dad has like supersonic hearing. I think he was bit by a radioactive hearing aid when he was a kid or something.”