“No, Pix. They’re from Poughkeepsie. Great school system and everything.” He cleared his throat.
I didn’t think the relation between where Gaze’s grandfather lived and Gaze’s new foster parents was a coincidence. And it made me miserable and happy.
I set my bookmark in my book and closed it next to me. “I need a favor.” I was going to have to close this chapter of my life just like I did my book.
“I’m kind of in the middle of the last favor I’m doing you.” He held out his hands.
I pointed out the window. “I want to close that window and clean up that apartment.”
Office Sam stood and squinted. “That’s Gaze’s place?”
He worded it as a question, but we both knew he knew the details of how I had walked across the ramp. The landlord was apparently involved in trying to get the ramp removed, but the hot water in our shower was backwards and turned cold instead for the last ten years, so I wasn’t worried he would really get rid of it.
Officer Sam watched my face for a while and then nodded. “You’re trouble, Pixie Rae.” He moved his lips to the side and it popped his dimple out.
“Not usually.” I slid off the bed.
“Okay, I’ll see if the maintenance guy can let me in over there. You watch the window and come over when you see me.” He started to walk out of my room before he stopped in his tracks. “Come over using stairs and doors, not the window.”
I gave him a nod. He didn’t know that the ramp walk was in almost all of my nightmares. I overheard Officer Sam tell my mom that he was going to borrow me in a few moments and she sounded flustered.
I watched the window for Sam. While I waited, I pulled over the coffee can Gaze and I used to send messages. It was empty. I grabbed my notebook and wrote the date and the words I miss you on a piece of paper before folding it neatly and putting it inside the can. I sent it back across the way. My true feelings. I missed Gaze so much.
Gaze was my comfort in the dark. The other side of my body felt so weird without him to lean into.
Officer Sam opened Gaze’s door and glanced at the floor. I heard, “Oh shit,” before he looked for me in my window. “You can’t come in here, Pixie.”
I ignored him and took off running. I wanted to be in Gaze’s room. I wanted to make sure his place was ready for when he came back.
Officer Sam anticipated what I was doing and met me in the lobby of Gaze’s building. He put his hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving around him. “I closed the window. There’s too much blood. I’ll talk to maintenance and see if they can get someone to clean it up. But no, you can’t go over there. I’m sorry.”
There would be no going back for me. I was as cut off from Gaze as I could possibly be. I left Officer Sam with a mumble of thanks.
_______________
I didn’t have to testify against Gaze’s dad. He took a plea deal, and Officer Sam would pop in from time to time to give me information. Turned out, he lived the next neighborhood up, so I was on his way home. He didn’t like Bic. I could tell from his body language and how his jaw would tense up as Bic would bellow around.
My mom and I tried to have a few in-depth conversations, but her stare would always skitter to wherever Bic was. And he was loud and sneaky at the same time. Our finances were getting dicey, even though he still claimed to be a genius. The power was cut off twice and my mom’s credit card bills had turned into collection notices.
The cleaners came and left Gaze’s place, and the only visitors were the occasional maintenance men. Gaze’s window was left open a crack, and that made me both happy and sad.
I wondered where he was. All Sam could tell me was that he was with a foster family and it was going well. I hoped it was true, and I also felt jealous that I wasn’t a part of his new life. I had to remind myself that there were no other choices. In my nightmares I no longer saw Mr. Jones’ whole face, just his eyes. The murderous eyes throwing caution and care to the wind as his altered state made decisions for him. I sent notes to the coffee can every day—my thoughts, my apologies, my fears. The can would tuck out of the way on Gaze’s side of the pulley, so I felt safe. The top on it kept it waterproof.
School got bigger without Gaze. I found myself reading more than hanging out with my friends. They’d ask about Gaze, and I wouldn’t tell them anything. It was crazy how quickly middle schoolers forgot who you were. They were like flies landing on whatever was exciting next.
Six months into my life without Gaze, everything changed again. Mom was on her way home from the airport, a quick travel that Bic had no interest in going to, when the taxi cab had an accident. The cab driver survived. My mom did not.
Chapter 30
GAZE
The inbetween . . .
ROLLING INTO MIKE and Ronna’s driveway was like watching a sitcom. The neighborhood was nice, lots of basketball hoops in driveways, but not in theirs when I got there.
The kids came out onto the front lawn with a fistful of balloons and the cocker spaniel who was randomly barking at all of them.
The kids from the couch were in living color now. I felt out of place, but there was nowhere to go but out of the vehicle.
Mike and Ronna disregarded the suitcase and walked with me over to the kids. Rocket, the dog, was jumping all over the place until the girl picked her up. Then she wiggled and stuck out her tongue.
The moppy headed boy stuck out his hand first. “Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Milt.” I shook his hand. He was a formal sounding kid despite his sloppy demeanor.
“I’m Austin.” He gave me a little wave and a wink. He seemed like the kind of guy you already had an inside joke with. Teddi, the girl, was still wrangling the dog. She was younger than me, I could tell now. Instead of shaking my hand, she held out Rocket for a pet.
She was a blond spaniel and sniffed my hand before submitting for a pet. “Ugh. She’s such a pork chop. Can you carry her?” Teddi swung the dog around and handed her to me like a baby.
The spaniel licked my chin and I had to laugh at her complete submission to the pose. Her legs were noodles and she seemed content. “I’m Gaze and I’ve never seen a dog do this before in my life.”
Austin poked his sister. “That’s because this one trained her to be carried like that since she was a puppy. It’s ridiculous.”
Mike and Ronna seemed both nervous and excited. Mike carried the suitcase for me. “You okay to carry Rocket? I don’t want you to pull a muscle or anything.”
I got as far as the front steps, following behind the kids before Milt swung around and offered to take Rocket. He poured the spaniel over his shoulders so her face was even with mine as we went up the stairs. Rocket licked my nose again.
Inside the house, Teddi and Austin showed me down a flight of stairs to an airy apartment-like setting. There was a living room space, a small kitchenette, and a nice sized bathroom. Mike brought my suitcase past us and we followed.
Teddi flung her arms open. “And this is your room!”
I looked around. It had a huge bed with a headboard and footboard and a French set of double doors that opened to a pool that was closed for the winter. There was an older playset just beyond that.
A mirror above the dresser had writing all over it. Welcome Gaze!