She whispered, “I might be fucked up. Like what if I’m…” She stopped. I had read her notes from the coffee can. I didn’t need her to delve into it for me—unless she wanted to.
I went to my knees and held out my hand for hers. She put hers in mine. “What if I can never be a dad because I might be like mine?”
She grabbed my hand with her other one, making a cage for my worries. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
“Nah. That’s you.” I kissed her knuckles and then moved to the bed next to her. The mattress sagged under us. She cuddled up next to me, head on my shoulder like she liked to do. “How’d prom prep go?”
“Fun. I don’t want to go to the actual dance, but that’s part of the routine, right?” She smiled at me.
I hummed by way of an answer. I had a tournament to get through. When that was done, I’d focus on prom with Pixie and try to make it something she wanted to remember forever.
Chapter 60
Pixie
THAT NIGHT WAS a snuggle fest. We had some kisses, but Gaze was safe with me. It was like he was in my head with me, knowing that touch was also a mindfield. In the morning, he had to be up early for a morning practice before school.
He was up and showered and all I had gotten around to was brushing my teeth. On his way out the front door, he stopped in front of me, towering. “Are we goodbye and hello kissers?”
I went on my tiptoes and he bent down. We gave each other a sweet kiss. And then he was out the door with a huge grin.
I leaned against the door after it was closed. Austin mimicked my voice from his doorway. “My boyfriend is so fantastic.”
After pushing away from the door, I started to laugh. “We never said the boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Just kisses.”
He stepped to meet me in the middle of the living room. “Kitten, he’s already married to you in his head.”
“We’re seventeen.” I walked into the kitchen and started the process of eating a Pop Tart.
“Love is love is love, sweetheart. He’s going to just die when he sees you prom night.”
“I am excited about that. Only a few more days. I wish we didn’t have to go to the actual dance, though. I bet Ashlin will be excited to bust my balls.” I shuffled into the living room and sat down to eat.
Austin started a kettle of water. He loved tea in the morning. “I’ve dealt with every version of the Ashlin type person there is. The angry version, the snarky version, the terrifyingly smart version, and, of course, the giant hulking with balls option. They’re always out there. But I’ll tell you what, it one hundred percent comes from insecurity in themselves and jealousy. I always found it to be a little less intimidating when I remembered that I was burning up space in their head.”
He bopped a tea bag in the hot water.
“I guess. High school has been a freaking marathon of stupidity. I never imagined I’d have Gaze back to help me deal with this. And you.” I polished off the last of my Pop Tart and tossed it into the trash. “Speaking of which, I gotta get my butt in motion. What are you planning on doing today?”
Austin added honey to his tea. “Well, I’m going to FaceTime my parents soon to say good morning and then I’m going to work on your dress. Just making sure everything is on nice and tight and is on there good even when you’re dancing.”
“Aww, I feel bad about that. You shouldn’t have to spend a whole day on my stuff.” I bit my bottom lip. I could try to help him after classes.
“No, I’m going to be creating Instagram content and stuff for my channel. It’s part of my job to be inspired.” He blew on the hot tea and then took a sip, groaning lightly as it passed his lips.
“Okay. Thank you. I feel guilty, but I’m not going to say anything because that dress is magic.” I walked over to his bedroom and noticed he had the dress hanging on the closet. I sighed out loud.
Soon Austin was next to me. “I know, right?” And then he sighed with me.
Chapter 61
Gaze
THE FAMILIAR SQUEAK of basketball sneakers and the smell of sweat set me in the zone. We’d walked past the tournament trophies set up on a folding table on our way in. The scouts were here, off to the right and almost to the top of the bleachers. Coach said he would introduce us after the game—if they stayed. We were at another local high school for the tournament games.
I needed to influence these scouts that I was a safe bet, despite the fact that I was in an altercation right after I changed schools. The Burathons told me they had started a college fund for me. I’d overheard Mike say he was going to get a second job on the weekends to try to help build it up if I didn’t get a full ride. So, I was doing this not only for me but for them, too.
I thought about Pixie and the fact that she had to come with me wherever I went. We’d cross that bridge when we got to it. I had my lucky socks on. I just had to find my center and hope my team would not be assholes.
Mark was in my ear like he could hear my concerns. “How was Pixie last night? She hit you with some of the hillbilly lovin’?”
“Oh, I’m gonna hand you your absolute whole ass.”
I knew it was going down. I was going to get in a fight and then everything would be over.
The only person who could ever stop me was…
“Hey, Mark, maybe shut up and mind your own goddamn business. Laying pipe to Ashlin is begging for your dick to be covered in STDs. Her junk has the entire alphabet stuffed up in it.” Pixie threaded her arm through mine before going to her toes to give me a kiss on the cheek. And then she smiled at Mark. “You know what I was just thinking about? When you were trying to hurt the dog at the grocers when we were in the ninth grade and I came after you with a bat. And then you peed your pants. So my suggestion is play ball like your life depends on it and leave the lady drama in your purse.”
Mark looked around the crowded gymnasium, hands in the air like he’d just suffered a horrible injustice.
Coach came up behind us and Pixie slid away. “Let’s get ready.”
Most guys were dependable. And if I just planned on Mark fucking up, I could arrange the next play in my head. Hopefully, Coach would pull him from the game if he was being a dick. He was playing guard, but the ball seemed to avoid him. Maybe my other teammates were on to him.
I hit two three-pointers, four baskets, and had three assists for a very physical game. I was able to play clean, and by the end of the first half, I was feeling pretty damn good despite the score being really close. The tourney games were shorter but more fast-paced.
I was able to see Pixie rooting for me, and Austin was there, too. I could see he had his phone held up and I was guessing Mike, Ronna, Milt, and Teddi were on the other end of a video call. I gave him and them a wave.
Out of the corner of my eye, just before tip-off, I saw Bic walk in wearing a low ball cap. I missed the jump entirely, and the ball went to my defense.
I hadn’t counted on needing to physically defend Pixie during the game. I thought verbal sparring would be where it stayed.
Chapter 62
Pixie
I WATCHED AS Gaze tensed up and missed the tip-off completely. I followed his line of sight and found out what had affected his reaction. Bic.