But when it was right, when the stars had aligned, I would be able to connect with Gaze with my mind and body. And feel free. My body was mine. My pleasure was mine. And that’s the way I deserved it to be.
Gaze
My teammates teased me that I was married already. I knew that it was hard to understand the connection Pixie and I had. We’d saved each other over and over in our lives. We were old souls, having been asked to deal with a lot of shit growing up.
And I knew that Bic had broken her. Pixie felt that was the sacrifce she had to make for the trade-off of my life. To assure that I would live, she had to accept what Bic did to her. And the fact that her mother and I left around the same point in her life was a gut punch to a young girl.
Pixie, lying almost completely flat in the passenger side of my red convertible, wasn’t a girl anymore. Her hair was longer now, the year and the lifting of so much stress showed in the shine of her hair and the glow of her soft skin. She was a breathtakingly beautiful woman. She was silly and funny and thoughtful. I knew she was the one. No matter how many guys dogged me, she’d been my wife in my head since I was a kid. I was just lucky she let me be near her. She’d always be my hero. I just wanted to do everything I could to be hers as well.
The moon was full tonight and the air was warm with summer’s ripe promise. She grinned at me and pointed at the sky. “Remember the first time I saw the stars like this?”
“Yeah. You said you were drowning in stars.”
“Do you remember everything I’ve said?”
“Not all of it, but most of it.” I looked at the sky she was admiring. “The best is we can’t even see all the stars out there. That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
Pixie pushed herself up and moved over to me. “Hi.”
I held my breath. I wasn’t a robot. I wanted Pixie. But I was willing to wait for her cues.
“Hi,” she repeated. “Is it cool if I try something out?”
Shyness.
It killed me when she was shy, because I knew her personality was far more bold. I nodded, exhaling as she straddled me.
“Can I just touch you?”
“Yes.” Sweet hell, yes. Now was when I had to have restraint. It was as important as catching her when she was falling from the broken ramp. No matter what she needed, I would give it to her.
I put my hands above my head and gripped the headrest. “Do whatever you enjoy.” I was already stupid hard. Blindingly hard.
Pixie started slow, kissing my lips, taking breaks to touch my face, nibbling my ear. My breath picked up.
She pulled my t-shirt hem up and up until she got to my head. Then I let go of the headrest so she could get it off of me.
She’d seen me without a shirt plenty. Hell, we both woke up with my boner between us all the time. She knew me.
Her hands were tentative and reverent as she ran her fingers over my chest and my stomach. “You’re beautiful.”
I tried to tell her that she was, too. That the moon was picking up the highlights in her hair and the weight of her on my lap was settling me deep inside. I wanted her so much. Instead, I just made a low groan.
She smiled. A hint of my Pixie. The one that was sure of herself.
“I want you.” Pixie whispered it, but it sounded like a shout in my head. I nodded.
“Is this okay? Are you comfortable?”
Consent. She wanted my consent.
“I am enjoying this more than anything ever in my entire life ever. So yes, I’m comfortable. I promise to tell you if that changes.”
She ran her hand along my triceps, causing me to grip the headrest tighter.
Pixie put her hands on her shirt and lifted it over her head, and as badly as I wanted to look at her breasts, I checked her eyes first.
She nodded. She was okay. Still with me. Still doing things she wanted to do. After she skimmed her body and breasts with her hands, I thought I might actually come in my pants. Lightly moon-tinted naked Pixie skin would be the definition of erotic for the rest of my life. I was miserable. I wanted to taste her, but I waited.
She was wearing a skirt, and as she started to mess with the button on my jeans, I offered to help. It was a difficult button. She allowed me to unfasten my pants, my knuckle grazing her heat. My dick kicked all on its own in my pants. Once my jeans were over my hips and resting on my thighs, I put my hands back on the headrest.
Pixie glanced in my lap and was still smiling. She touched me a few times and then leaned over to get something out of her purse. A condom.
“You had this planned?” I was surprised and thrilled and delighted.
“Yeah. I wanted to do this without walls. Just us, just the stars. I mean, if it all worked out.”
Now it made sense as to why she wanted to go stargazing and was planning it out and watching the weather.
For sex. With me. She was ready, and I was able, and here was where it was going to happen, and…
She handed me the condom. “Can you do the honors here?”
I ripped it open so quickly the condom itself almost popped out. And then we would’ve lost it. And I would’ve jumped off a cliff penis first.
I situated the latex on my dick and made sure to pull the tip a little. I wanted this to be the safest it could be for Pixie. And then, instead of grabbing her boobs or feeling her with my fingers, I grabbed the headrest again. This was her party and I was just a guest.
She didn’t take off her skirt, but slowly eased down on top of me. She wasn’t wearing anything else. Slowly, she inched down the length of me. I got to watch her face as she discovered what it felt like to have me inside of her. I couldn’t touch her, but I could pray to her, feel for her.
“I love you. And I’m proud of you.” I sounded all strangled and scratchy to my own ears.
She hesitated on her descent. “Thank you.”
And then she was on her own again, experiencing me. I wanted to tell her that we should have gotten her ready more, but she was slick enough that I knew she wasn’t in pain. It hit me again that she wanted me. When she was completely settled on my lap, I was all the way inside of her.
“I feel you.” She touched my face and leaned forward to hug me, her bare breasts pressing against my skin.
“I’m lucky.” Again, more of a growl than I intended.
She kissed my lips and ran her hands down my chest, using it to push herself to sit up. And then she began rocking her hips.
At first, she was halting, slow, but her confidence picked up, as did her tempo. My heartbeat timed with her movements. I kept my eyes on her, watching her claim her body back for herself. Her smile and ferocity picked up. My hips were rising despite my effort to keep them still.
I could make it better for her, but not until she told me. And then, like she heard my thoughts, we locked eyes. “Let go, Gaze. This is awesome.”
My fingers were starting to get pins and needles from how hard I was gripping the headrest. I touched her gently even though my primal brain was trying to grab the steering wheel. I touched her face, then let my hand drift to her breast. I ran my knuckles down the curve. I was so close to losing myself in her. She was moving so fast, I was concerned she would dislodge the condom. I touched her thigh, and when her eyes widened and she said, “Yes,” I went further still. I found her clit with my thumb and applied pressure. And then she lost it. My beautiful Pixie hit her climax and the horn of my car with her back at the same damn time.