Callie blinked at me, disbelief writ large on her face. ‘Oh, I don’t know. How about we discuss the decorations? Or the pattern on your socks? Or maybe we could talk about me getting shot and what you did afterwards. You can tell me about your friend Rebecca and how she died, and about you and Dan. I could tell you about the terrible nightmares I’ve been having and how loud noises, even raised voices, make me panic. I might even tell you what it’s been like not having my best friend to talk to. How about something along those lines? Or would you rather just stick to inanities about the weather?’
How was I suddenly the bad guy? Was it so wrong to want to forget all the bad things that had happened in the past year?
‘Why rehash all that? The past is something I’m trying to forget, not relive over and over,’ I replied, exasperated. ‘I just want to go back to the way things were.’
‘But we can’t,’ said Callie. ‘We’re not the same people we were a year ago – and we never will be again. Don’t you get that?’
I stared at her. Everything I’d done since she came out of her coma had been to try and get us back to what we were and what we’d had before. Until this precise moment, I really thought it was achievable. But Callie was right: we weren’t the same people. To try and go on as if nothing had happened in the last year except school and homework would be to live a lie. God knows I’m not into touchy-feely or all that heart-on-my-sleeve stuff, but over the last year I’d learned the hard way that just because I didn’t believe in displaying my emotions didn’t mean I didn’t have any – or that they weren’t capable of kicking my arse.
‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ Callie shook her head.
I was beginning to. ‘You’re right. We do need to talk. A lot has happened—’
‘Tobey, spare me, please.’ She wasn’t buying what I was dishing up. ‘I’m not stupid. Stop pretending. You and I have always had honesty between us, if nothing else. Don’t spoil that too.’
Inside, I went very quiet. Very still. I swear even my heart stopped beating. Just for a moment.
‘Didn’t you know, Callie? That’s what I do – I spoil things. It’s what I’m good at,’ I said quietly.
‘I didn’t mean it like that,’ she said, her voice growing ever quieter. ‘I just meant … you hurt me when you ignored me, Tobey. I’m not going to lie about that. Now I don’t know who we are any more.’
‘Feel free to miss me with this soap-opera bullshit,’ I said, dredging up a bucketful of scorn.
Callie flinched as if struck. ‘Tobey, you’ve gotta stop this. Seriously. You can’t keep pulling me to you with one hand and slapping me away with the other.’
‘Is that what I’m doing?’
‘You know it is,’ she shot back. ‘Or is this you throwing your toys out of the pram because I didn’t immediately drag you upstairs to bed?’
‘Or is this you being a dick tease?’ I threw back at her.
A gasp followed by a stinging slap to my left cheek. A slap so hard I tasted blood in my mouth. My cheek was red-hot and smarting. Callie glared at me. I glared right back at her. Now I’ll put up with a little from most people, and I’ll put up with a lot more from Callie – but not that. Not that from anyone.
‘Callie, don’t you ever, as long as you live, raise your hand to me again,’ I told her, chips of ice in every syllable.
She inhaled sharply. ‘Don’t you ever call me a dick tease again. Apologize for that remark.’
I said nothing.
‘You know what? Something is very wrong when all we do is tear each other to pieces like this,’ said Callie. ‘Is that why you wanted a break?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ Not once.
She sighed. ‘Tobey, I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I do know it’s not healthy.’
The tightening band around my chest was making it tough to speak, difficult to breathe. I swallowed hard. ‘You know, my friend Connor warned me you’d wake up to the fact that you could do better than me. After all, I’m a Nought and—’
‘Don’t go there, Tobey Durbridge. Don’t you dare,’ said Callie ferociously. ‘This has nothing to do with you being a Nought and everything to do with you being an arse.’
‘Wow, Callie, you’re determined to trample every bit of my ego into the dirt, aren’t you?’
And she was making a first-class job of it too.
Callie looked me up and down with careful deliberation. ‘Tobey, I see you ignored Sammi’s advice to pull your head out of your arse. When you finally do that, I’ll be right here waiting to talk. Until then, perhaps you could help me set up for my party?’
‘Or maybe I should just leave?’ I challenged.
‘That’s entirely up to you.’
But I wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet.
‘What would you like done first?’ I asked with venom.
‘Could you fill the buckets on the patio with ice, please, and then put these beers on top of the ice – if it’s not too much trouble.’ Callie was all icy politeness.
We stood in the kitchen, glaring at each other, neither of us saying a word, neither of us moving. I couldn’t understand it. Recently, no matter our starting point, this was always where we seemed to end up.
And I didn’t have a clue what to do about it.
thirty-eight. Callie
* * *
Just when I thought my evening couldn’t get any worse … Who the hell invited her?
‘Why on earth did you invite Misty?’ Sammi asked me, her brown eyes wide with disbelief.
‘I didn’t,’ I objected.
‘She invited herself,’ said Jen with disdain. ‘You know she’s taken to following Tobey around like a lapdog.’
‘D’you want us to get rid of her?’ Sammi asked in all seriousness.
I shook my head. ‘She’s not bothering me. Let her stay.’
Besides, if I chucked her out, that would mean I felt threatened by her and I didn’t. Misty stood in the sitting-room doorway, looking around and striking a pose. And, I have to admit, she looked good. Her brunette hair with dyed blonde highlights was cornrowed above both ears and gathered up in a thick braid at the back. She wore a tight blue strapless dress that would’ve made someone only slightly larger a fine belt. From the seamless way it fitted her like a second skin, Misty obviously hadn’t bothered with a bra or pants. Skank!
‘God, she’s so obvious,’ said Sammi, shaking her head.
Jen nodded. ‘Men like that. They think it means they know where they stand.’
‘Where’s Tobey?’ I couldn’t help asking.
‘Sitting out on the patio, getting steadily sloshed,’ said Sammi. ‘When he’s ready to go home, someone will have to wheel him out of here.’
‘Look at her.’ Jen wrinkled her nose with distaste. ‘Misty’s moving like she owns the place.’
I glanced across the room. Misty was now dancing, her arms waving in the air which – oops! – pulled her dress up even higher. Any further and she’d need an 18-certificate rating.