‘Don’t you dare, Callie,’ she said fiercely.
‘Samantha, I’m not in the mood to smile and dance and pretend nothing’s wrong.’
‘Which is precisely why that’s exactly what you’re gonna do,’ she argued. ‘Don’t give either of them the satisfaction of ruining your party.’
It took a moment or two, but I realized she was right. So that’s what I did. I danced and laughed and flirted like it was the best day of my life instead of the worst. And inside? Inside I wished the bullet that had put me in a coma all those months ago had hit me just one centimetre lower.
forty-one. Tobey
* * *
I’m not stupid. It was just … a moment of madness. The sex meant nothing. It was nothing. Instantly forgettable. An itch that was scratched and that was all. So different to when Callie and I were together … Well, that had meant everything, and more now that I had something to compare it to.
I sat in the classroom with my eyes firmly planted on Mr Pike and the whiteboard, knowing that I was the subject of all the whispers around me. The afternoon sun was blazing through the classroom window, each ray battering at my head. It was already splitting and the light wasn’t making it any better.
This was all Misty’s fault.
The flare of white-hot anger aimed towards Misty vanished almost as soon as it had appeared. I hung my head. My predicament was just as much my responsibility as Misty’s. I’m not stupid. I knew how she felt about me and that she’d have no objections if I made a move on her. I had no intention of doing any such thing, I really didn’t. Turns out I didn’t have to: she’d got in first. She followed me into the summer house when I’d just wanted to be alone for a few minutes, and started kissing and touching me. The huge mistake I made was to close my eyes and pretend it was Callie flinging herself at me, Callie kissing me, Callie wanting me.
I take that back – I am stupid. I knew what I was doing and did it anyway.
I can still feel Callie’s eyes laser-burning holes straight through me. Come the break, I’ll find her and try to explain. If I have to grovel, so be it. She’s the best thing in my life.
I can’t lose her.
I won’t.
forty-two. Callie
* * *
I sat down on the lid of the toilet in the closed cubicle and seriously considered bunking off school for the rest of the day and heading home. The mid-morning break had barely even begun and I’d already had enough. Five weeks after my party and I was still getting stares and pitying looks and snide smirks. Five weeks since Tobey and Misty had got together. Why does it still hurt like it was yesterday, like it was five minutes ago?
Let it go, Callie.
Easier said than done. Sammi in particular was such a true friend, squaring up to anyone who tried to get into my business, but I couldn’t expect her to act as a buffer for me for the rest of the term. Sooner or later, people would find something else to talk about, that’s what Sammi and Jen kept telling me. Even Maxine, my classmate, who I must’ve shared two sentences with all year, had taken to giving me a hug every time she saw me, which had grown old real fast. I had important exams coming up, the most important of my life if I was to get into law school, and every day I struggled to concentrate on my work and my revision.
But I wasn’t going to let Tobey or any guy make me a failure. Never again.
As for Tobey and me, well, whatever it was we’d had together, it was now officially dead in the water. The fact that he could get with Misty, of all people, had made what he and I had together tawdry. And it had taken Tobey too long to get that message. He’d tried to tell me he was sorry, that being with Misty was all a huge mistake. How do you mistakenly screw someone?
He’d initially inundated me with texts, asking me to forgive him. What difference would that make? Forgive him, don’t forgive him – it wouldn’t change what he did. I was glass and he’d dropped me. Now I’m shattered into a million pieces. I’ll truly forgive him when he can put me back together again as good as new, with no visible joins or seams. I’ll truly forget when he reaches into my head and erases the images I have of him and Misty together.
I took out my phone to read his last text message to me. Why didn’t I delete it? I had no idea. Reading it was like pressing my tongue on an exposed nerve in a tooth cavity. But, in spite of all my self-reproach, I read it anyway.
Callie, please talk to me. I made a mistake. I’m only human. I’ll keep saying sorry till you believe me, till you forgive me. Please don’t hate me. Just let me tell you face to face how truly sorry I am. Tell me what I can do to make things right between us. I love you. Tobey
How could he? If I believed each letter of every word he texted me, that just made it worse. He loves me? How could he love me and sleep with someone else? That made no sense. I texted him back.
Tobey, I don’t know what you feel for me, but it isn’t love or you wouldn’t have had sex with Misty. I don’t hate you. I wish you only good things, but you and I are over. Now please stop messaging me. Don’t force me to block you. Callie
That was three days ago. He hadn’t texted me or tried to talk to me after that. Had he finally got the message? It looked like it. So why did I feel more miserable than ever? I never thought I’d be one of those girls who sighed over guys. What the hell was I doing in this toilet cubicle, feeling sorry for myself?
I stood up and went to take my bag off the hook on the door when someone rushed into the cubicle next to mine and retched, throwing up violently. I wrinkled my nose. God, I hated the sound of vomiting and the smell was already hitting me. Well, nice to know I wasn’t the only one having a lousy day. I left the cubicle and went to one of the sinks to wash my hands. The sound of vomiting had died down. The lock on the toilet cubicle clicked open and Misty stepped out, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, her eyes watering. She froze when she saw me, her eyes widening like she was caught in headlights.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
Misty’s hand flew to her abdomen, only to immediately drop to her side. Too late.
Ohmigod! ‘You’re pregnant?’
Her mouth opened, but the only sound that came out was a strangled gasp. ‘I … I …’
My jaw dropped. Maybe, if Mum hadn’t been pregnant too, I wouldn’t have recognized the signs and symptoms, but I did. Misty was pregnant. And there was no doubt about who the father was.
‘Please don’t tell anyone. Please,’ she begged.
She wasn’t even going to try to deny it.
‘How far gone are you?’ Stupid question. I knew exactly how far gone she was. Five weeks, two days and several hours. ‘Never mind.’
But Misty did mind. She burst into tears. I stepped forward and, before I knew it, I was hugging her. Within moments, my shirt was soggy. It was like a dam bursting.
‘I’m so s-stupid. What am I going to do?’ she sobbed.
‘Are you going to keep it?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Have you told Tobey yet?’ I asked.
The door to the girls’ toilets opened.