BLYTHE
Sean’s hand in mine. Everything feels right. I’m going to make this good. I’m going to erase Ali’s pain.
ALI
I look for a break in the crowd, but more people just keep meandering toward us because Blythe is the North Star. People just want to get closer to her.
I hear Donnie and Suki cackling behind me.
Blythe rushes back to me. “I have the answer to everything!”
BLYTHE
I let go of Sean to catch Ali, but she slips away, like her skin is too smooth. Oily or something. And so I vise-grip her. I’m not going to let go of her. I’m going to make everything better.
ALI
Sean Nessel’s eyes target me. I look down. Back to the gray floor.
I want to escape. But Blythe clutches me like I’m on a short leash.
I tug on her dress, though there’s not much there to hold on to except for the bottom of her dreess. It’s like thin handkerchiefs. It’s like air.
“Let go of me, Blythe.”
BLYTHE
There’s a yanking on my dress, as if there’s a small child below me, and when I turn I see Ali. She’s taken hold of my dress and is drawing me close to her. Or is she trying to push me away? Her eyes are wild. She’s incensed.
“Blythe, let go of me.” She spits. A monster erupts from her. Her shoulders are crouched. Her cheeks quiver. I look down, and I’m thinking, My dress. She’s going to rip my dress. The words stick to my tongue because everything is happening so fast.
“Let go of my hand now or I’m going to kill you,” Ali says.
I look down at my hand wrapped around her wrist. I didn’t even know it was there.
My fingers repel from her skin.
Her contorted face glares back at me.
ALI
Kill comes out of my mouth flippantly. Racing in my chest.
I’ll wrap my hands around her neck if I have to. I can feel it.
Blythe turns to me, a sharp inhale, and when she exhales it’ll be fire, I know, but I don’t flinch. She edges toward me so that our faces are almost touching, then peels my fingers off her dress.
BLYTHE
“You’re going to kill me?”
“Wait, she’s going to kill you?” Donnie says.
Suki cackles. “Who’s going to kill you, B?”
“Ali. Greenleaf. I just heard her say she’s gonna kill Blythe,” Donnie says, her face lighting up.
“Ambitious, aren’t you, junior?” Suki says.
They’ve been waiting to attack her for months. Ali’s face sinks. My instinct is to protect her. Shield her from all this. But I can’t. I don’t even understand how this happened.
“Why would you threaten to kill me?” I screech. “And grab at my dress like that? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“You were holding on to my hand.”
“Just back off, Blythe,” Raj says.
“No, I think your little friend Ali drank too much tonight, and we all know what happens when baby drinks too much, don’t we?” Donnie says, taunting her.
“I was trying to help you.” Every word, curt. Clear, spitting. “I want to help you—and this? And you treat me like this?”
“How many times have I told you not to waste your time with this one?” Donnie says, but she’s preaching now. She’s not making any sense. “This is how ungrateful they all are. These children.”
They’re all watching me.
Dev, Sean, Suki, Donnie. They expect me to say something. To have a retort.
I look Ali in the eye, and she finally looks me in the eye.
“What were you thinking?”
ALI
But I don’t know how to explain it to her. The closer Sean Nessel came, how close he is now, the more boxed in I felt. That maybe he’d try to kiss me. Or get me drunk again. Or try to apologize. Something false and irrelevant. And I’d do it again. Because I don’t trust myself. Isn’t it why I came here? Some stupid idea to prove him wrong? To show him I’m fine. I’m not fine.
He’s still there. Standing right there, behind them as they crowd around me. As they circle the town freak. He’s just waiting to pounce on me.
“I can’t explain what happened. . . . I . . .”
I don’t want to cry. I don’t want to cry.
BLYTHE
You can’t tell a girl like me that you’re going to kill her without repercussions.
You can’t do that. Not in front of these girls. Suki, Cate, and Donnie would never allow that. I would never allow that. Everything I have is built on saving face.
If I show empathy, they’ll come after me. If I make excuses for her, they’ll come after me.
It would make me look weak.
And I never look weak.
I give her a second more. Anything, Ali. Anything, Greenleaf. Say anything to me.
But she’s in space. Like she doesn’t exist. Almost like that night I saw her run out of Sophie Miller’s party. So I’m going to save her from herself.
“Disappear,” I say in this girly-girl baby voice, like Cinderella’s fairy godmother.
28
ALI
I can’t breathe. I can hardly stand. I spin around and there he is. Backing out of the crowd, floating toward me. So I run the other way down the hall, not looking back.
I tear around the corner to a set of lockers. Raj follows me, calling my name.
“Ali—talk to me.”
I pace back and forth. My body not my own. How did this happen? How did I get here? Put myself here? How have I lost myself and how do I get myself back?
I crouch down on the floor. I’m scared now.
“Tell me you’re okay.”
“But I’m not okay, Raj. There’s no okay to be found here.” My voice cracking. Can’t even get the words out.
“You stood up to her. Do you understand that? You stood up to Blythe in front of all her friends.”
“It wasn’t her I wanted to stand up to.”
“What do you mean?”