“You guys just left.”
“What was I supposed to do? Stick around?” I say.
“In the meantime, while your little mascot was acting out, Sean went off with three sophomore girls and said he’s going to do an Initiation on his own.”
“What?” I say. “He’s wasted. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
Donnie cackles, throws her head back. Her arms stretch out all pale and witchy. “Imagine if Sean was on a TV show—Boys Most Wanted. Everyone wants him, but no one knows whyyyy . . . because inside he’s rotting alive.”
I step behind her. Push her forward, in the direction of the bathroom. She’s talking crazy talk and I want to get away from Donnie, those black sunken eyes. The eyes of someone I don’t even know.
* * *
* * *
Bathroom. A whole bunch of girls in there already. A few waiting in line, but we’re the Core Four. Well, Core Three right now since Cate is off somewhere with Chase Goldberg. We walk ahead because that’s what we do. Donnie first. Me second. Suki last. Cram in the handicap stall. Everyone else has to wait.
“What did he say exactly, Suki? I need word for word.”
“I heard him say something about how he’s got three girls who are eager to get started. That he doesn’t need this drama with Ali. That it’s all gotten too much. He can get three girls”—she does air quotes—“‘working on him’ on his own.”
“I’m not feeling good,” Donnie says, but I ignore her because I’m trying to dissect what Suki’s saying.
“Direct quote,” Suki says.
“Tell her whatever you want,” Donnie says. “She doesn’t see him the way we see him. She sees the soft side. Isn’t that right, Jensen? Sweet soft Sean, who shops with his artist-collector grandma in the city. Say that ten times fast.”
Suki’s face, confused. “When did you see him shopping with his grandmother?”
“Forget all that. Donnie doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
She wags her finger. “Oh, yes I dooooo.”
Suki ignores Donnie and keeps going. “Sean was talking to everyone. To Chase and Cate. To Harrison. To Dev. Ask Dev. He was standing right there.”
This is what Sean does. He rounds up the girls. And I sweep it up.
“Seriously. I’m gonna puke,” Donnie says, and tries to kneel down on the floor.
Heels click in and out of the bathroom. Anyone can see what’s going on with her if she falls to the ground.
“We need to sit. Get you some water, that’s all.”
I look at Suki and mouth to her: “Up.” We prop her on to the toilet. She nods.
My body tightens up. This dress. I look down at it. If Donnie pukes, it’s going to be covered in vomit.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” She flings her arms out to the sides like a bird. “Can I tell you a secret first?”
Her neck shifts back and forth. Lips quiver and then she collapses in our arms. No grunt. No sign of distress. She’s just up one second—and the next second, whoosh. She’s deadweight.
Teachers will see. Adults will see that her face is gone from her face. She’s collapsed all over herself.
“What did you take tonight? Talk to me. What did you take?” I slap at her cheeks, and she peers up from all her hair, her bones sharp and eerie. I lift her the best I can, but her body droops over my dress.
“You’re fine,” Suki says really loud. “You’re fine. Just dehydrated. We just need to get you some water.”
I nod. She’s staving off the girls outside who’ve stopped in their clicking heels to see Donnie fall from her perch.
I don’t know how we’re going to get out of here. All the girls who wished they were us, wished they had our friendship, Donnie Alperstein and Blythe Jensen.
Suki and I struggle to get Donnie to sit straight. My body wants to just collapse over her. This night. I’m so tired from this night.
Then someone, some sweet little bird, hands me a cup of water under the stall. I pass it to Donnie.
Donnie opens her eyes a little. She pulls at my hair. “Jensen, I don’t know if I can make it through this. I did too much vikes. Too much vikes and that champagne.”
“I’m gonna let go of you. Don’t fall on your head, bitch,” Suki says, and Donnie nods. She’s following instructions, so I take a breath. Suki opens her clutch and pulls out a vile of her crushed up Ritalin. Suki shakes some out on her hand. Donnie opens her mouth. Drooling on Suki’s hand, trying to lick Suki’s palm. “No, you’re going to snort it,” Suki says, her voice firm. “Now inhale. Snort it up your nose.”
I look over at Suki. Her eyes get crazy when she’s on task. Reminds me of when we used to play soccer together. Kick that ball, Sukes. STRIKE IT.
“Snort it up your nose.” Donnie laughs.
“She needs to get out of here,” Suki says.
“She needs rehab,” I say.
“I hear you, bitches,” she says. “I say they try to make me go to rehab and I said, no, no, no.” She’s singing Amy Winehouse now.
We sit and wait. Donnie nodding off. I give her sips of the water. Me and Suki pushing her back against the wall to straighten her up. And then it happens. Donnie’s face fills back up with pink. She’s alive again. Awake. A spirit. A person. The music vibrates into the bathroom. BUM BUM BUM BUM. BUM BUM BUM BUM.
“You’re both my best friends,” Donnie says. “You know that, right? Not Cate. Cate is a slut.”
Suki bursts out laughing. I start laughing. Relief. It’s working.
Donnie stops and stands up by herself. We walk out of the bathroom quickly, not even looking in the mirror or at the idiots who are going to talk about this like wildfire tomorrow.
My mind off this emergency. One down, another one to go. Now Sean.
It’s always Sean.
30
ALI
Raj drops me off at my house. Just the two of us in that old station wagon. I text Sammi to apologize for the millionth time. She forgives me because she always forgives me. How many apologies would Sammi accept? Apparently, quite a few.
I know Raj is going to tell me that I need to talk to someone. Or an even worse feeling, that he’ll tell me I need to report it.
He doesn’t say any of that. He just sits there. Patient. Patient Raj. How can he be so patient?
“You know sometimes I go to this jujitsu class.”