“You’re my mom. It’s your job to say I’m the handsomest guy in the world,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Son, look at me,” she says, turning in bed to face me. “You may think I’m saying this because I’m your mother. And you’re partially right, of course. I will always think you are the handsomest boy in the world, because I’m your mother. But beauty is not only here,” she says, running her hand down my face.
I don’t know if it’s the nice, warm bed, or if it’s my mom’s tender touch, but a tear escapes from my eye. A happy one, for a change.
“I’m so proud of who you are. Of the decisions you make, of how you face your challenges, of how you make me laugh even when my day sucks. You are my companion, son. And anyone who can enjoy your company is lucky. And I’m very happy that you trust me enough to tell me about your feelings,” she says, wiping my tear with the tip of her finger.
“Thanks, Mom. But I only came to you because I have no other friends,” I tease.
“Unbelievable! Get out of here.” She laughs and pushes me away.
Then we’re laughing and pushing each other, and it feels so good. I wish I knew how old is too old to lie down in your mom’s bed and talk. I hope there’s no such thing, because I want to be able to do this always.
“So, then, what do I have to do to … you know … get him?” I ask, a little embarrassed that I’m asking my mom for romantic advice.
“Why would I know, Felipe? If I were good at flirting, you wouldn’t be here right now, because this half of the bed would be taken,” my mom answers, raising her eyebrows.
“Mom!” I yell, embarrassed, because it’s so weird to imagine a dude lying here in her bed.
“It’s true, son. I gave up on dating long ago. Doesn’t mean I don’t get around every once in a while. I’m not dead, you know?”
“Mooom! You’re not helping!” I say, louder, because it’s even weirder to imagine that another dude has probably been here.
“Okay, I don’t know how to help. I haven’t had a lot of romances that have worked out, obviously, but I can help with the ones that didn’t. So you can learn from my mistakes. How noble of me!” She leans on her elbows and looks at me.
“Right, share your wisdom, Mom.” I adopt a meditation pose that makes no sense, but I think it is funny because my mom muffles a laugh.
“Okay, tip number one: Don’t fall for guys who are ashamed of telling their friends about you. They’re either assholes or married.”
Apparently, Caio has been telling Becky all about me, so one point for Caio.
“Number two.” My mom raises two fingers. “The guy might be the hunkiest in the whole world, but if you can’t talk to him for more than half an hour without wondering if you can die of boredom, that beauty isn’t worth much.”
Yes, Caio is handsome, but I’m never bored when I talk to him. Good sign, right? Best of both worlds. Another point for Caio!
“And finally, number three. This one is really important, so pay attention. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you feel beautiful. I don’t mean it has to be someone who always tells you that you’re perfect and wonderful. Not at all. But when you feel good-looking just by being close to them, then, my son, it’s much easier. You wake up with bedhead, your face all crumpled, and yet you still feel handsome. Because you’re with someone who isn’t pointing out your flaws. Who doesn’t make you feel worse. Doesn’t point out that stretch mark on your butt that you hadn’t even noticed until that moment. Because the person who sees past the surface sees the best in you,” she says, proud of her wisdom.
I think of how I feel when I’m with Caio. Definitely not handsome. But pleasant, funny, and a little anxious. Anxious in a kind-of-good, kind-of-bad way. But handsome handsome … I can’t say I’ve felt that way yet.
“Is this advice based on fact?” I pry.
“Of course! Each relationship that goes wrong always teaches us a lesson. So far, I’ve learned three. Ricardo, Luiz Antonio, and your father. In that order.”
I’m shocked. “Luiz Antonio … my gym teacher?”
“Shut up, and let’s go have some breakfast,” she says, jumping out of bed.
I’m washing the dishes after lunch, Caio is drying them, and my mom is on a chair filing her nails like a baroness.
“It’s Wednesday! What’ll be our movie for Musical Wednesdays?” Caio asks, genuinely excited as he puts away a plate in the cabinet.
“Caio, please, don’t let my mom believe that these themed weeknights are cool,” I say. “You’re creating a monster, and after you leave, I’ll be the one left behind to deal with her!”
“Don’t mind him, Caio,” my mom says, standing up and putting her nail file away. “Even after your parents are back from their trip, you can always come here every Wednesday to honor our commitment to musicals. If you want to, of course!”
That leaves me trying to come up with themes for the whole week, just so I can get Caio to come over every day.
“Of course I do. I can’t live without Musical Wednesdays anymore!” he says.
“But today I’m going to disappoint the two of you,” my mom says with a pout. “Too much work, tight deadline. I can’t watch a movie. But you know what? I’ve just had an idea.”
“Mom, please don’t try to make Catwalk Fridays happen again,” I say.
Caio laughs out loud.
“That wouldn’t be a bad idea. But today I want the two of you to have fun. Have Musical Wednesday without me. Far from here. At the movies, just the two of you. All on me,” she says, getting money from her bra (not kidding) and putting some bills in my back pocket.
“Whoa, thanks, Rita!” Caio says excitedly.
“Thanks, Mom,” I say, shaking with anxiety.
“No need to thank me, boys,” she says with a wink directed at me. Not at all in a discreet way, which makes me even more nervous.
“Well, I’m okay with Zombie Robots: The Attack 2,” Caio says, looking up at the billboard with all the showtimes.
We could have predicted that this Musical Wednesday would turn out not to be all that musical. Our town’s movie theaters don’t show any musicals. I don’t think the locals are quite the right audience for that. Or for subtitles, apparently. Zombie Robots: The Attack 2 is the only subtitled movie available today, and the other options aren’t exactly exciting:
Screwball Mother-in-Law is a Brazilian comedy with a decidedly unfunny cast.
Passion of Fire and Light is a film adaptation of a bestselling novel about a psychic teenager who falls in love with a ghost who then tries to be reincarnated in someone else’s body so they can be together forever, but he ends up being reincarnated as fire. Really. He becomes fire itself. And the girl is still in love with him. In love with the element of fire.
Forest Gone Wild! is a low-budget animated film with talking animals.
See what I mean?
“I’ve never watched Zombie Robots: The Attack 1, but fine by me.” My hands are sweaty. Because, in theory, this is a date. Our first date. It might all go wrong, but for some reason I believe this night might be—