I swallowed hard, met Laz’s eyes, and after a moment, he gave Raph a smile and said, “Stay.”
That made me and my soul-pledged smile.
Laz returned his attention to me and tucked my hair behind my ear, then gave me another of his sweet kisses, only this time he didn’t pull away. He kept kissing me, softly, gently, tenderly, but he never let up. He kissed me like I was the air he needed to breathe, and then he kissed me some more.
And slowly, our hips rubbed and moved together until I was so hard it was painful.
Laz reached for my pants to pull them down, and whispered against my lips, “This okay?”
I nodded. Anything was okay at this point. I just needed to find release before I exploded.
Laz only pushed my pants low enough to pull my aching member out, and a moment later, he did the same to himself. As he took us both into his hand, I saw stars and could hardly participate in our kiss.
I hadn’t been touched like this by another person in years. It was amazing, and I didn’t think it had ever been this good with anyone besides Raph.
Laz stroked us, kissing me almost frantically, and in only a few seconds, I was pouring my seed all over his hand as stars filled my vision, and I yelled out as euphoria filled my veins.
Only a moment later, Laz cried out against my bruised lips, and his seed joined mine between us. Hearing that sound come out of his mouth made another round of pleasure shoot through me until I was a boneless mess only being kept upright because of Laz’s strong frame and the counter behind me.
Even after being brought to such an amazing pleasure, Laz didn’t stop kissing me. A lazy smile curled up my lips as he continued making me feel wanted and precious.
Laz’s mouth slowed, and I tried to catch my breath. When I couldn’t keep up with him, I broke our kiss to lean my forehead against his.
When Laz pulled back, I opened my eyes to find Raph pulling Laz into a kiss. Raph kissed him so tenderly, an affection I hadn’t seen him display on anyone before. Raph, he was meant to be with Laz, they were meant to be together, it was so clearly written in the way they touched in front of me. My eyes bugged as I felt how much Raph truly loved Laz through our connection.
My gods, what am I doing?
Laz was Raph’s destined, and I had just… Oh gods.
My chest tightened as panic began clawing at my insides. What if all that was, was a way for them both to get off? What if that had been a one-time thing? Raph had never shared a partner with me in any way except in bed. What if they didn’t want me outside of the bedroom? Oh gods, I couldn’t handle that. No way. What if Raph hated me now? What if he’d only said those things because he knew it was what I wanted? What if he didn’t want it at all, but he knew I did, so he’d let me?
What if Laz only wanted sex? What if they wanted me as… as a… as some kind of sex toy?
My chest tightened further at the thought.
There was no way I could do this without emotions involved, and gods, Laz was Raph’s destined one. And I just… I just used him for sex. How had Raph simply stood there while I touched what was his?
Oh gods, he was going to hate me now.
Now that it was all said and done, they were both going to hate me.
What have I done?
This was… Laz was… Laz was Raph’s. How could I… why did I… what had I done?
Why had I let myself get pulled into Raph’s orbit again? Why the hell did I think this was a good idea? I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t be the third wheel, the one on the outside, I couldn’t… I couldn’t do this.
What if I messed this up for Raph? What if I came between them? I couldn’t bear his pain.
I could hardly bear my own. I couldn’t take on his as well.
If this had just been a one-time thing, if this had only been about being attracted to one another, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. They were going to go about their beautiful relationship, and I was going to be forced to sit back and watch. Again.
And now that I’d had a small taste of Laz, it was going to make it a thousand times harder to stay on the sidelines.
Why had I let it go this far?
Raph broke his kiss with Laz and turned a furrowed brow to me, probably picking up on my anxiety, even though I was trying to shield it from him.
His head tilted to the side, and his voice came out hoarse. “Izzy?”
Laz turned to me as well, his face flushed and thoroughly debauched.
I shook my head, trying to step back, but there was nowhere for me to go.
Raph reached out and cupped my cheek, whispering, “Isiah? Honey? What’s going on?”
I shook my head, and even though everything in me wanted to press against his hand, everything in me wanted to throw myself into their arms, I knew that was a terrible idea. So I shook him off and side-stepped them, moving along the counter.
Laz’s eyes were concerned as he watched me, and all I could do was whisper, “Sorry,” before I tucked tail and ran.
Raph called my name, but I ignored him and made a run for the front door as I tucked myself back into my pants. I got to the door and saw the mess I had on my shirt, so I whipped it off and grabbed the hoodie hanging on a hook there. As I slid it on, my chest further tightened. It smelled like Raph.
Oh gods.
I couldn’t let him see me break apart.
Nadia flew to me, landing on my shoulder, and with everything I had, I blocked Raph out. I pinched our bond’s chord as tight as I possibly could so he’d be spared my pain.
Never in the century and a half we’d been soul-pledged had I put a tighter hold on our link. It was the first time I’d felt truly alone in all that time.
But Raph didn’t need my pain.
I felt myself breaking further from the blockade I put up, but it didn’t matter. I was already broken, so what was one more piece of my heart being ripped up and shredded?
I felt his tug on our bond, but I pushed him away.
And I ran.
I found a park that overlooked a lake, so I sat on a bench and stared at the mostly frozen water. It was freezing out, but I didn’t care. I needed to clear my head.
But my head was a total mess. There was no fixing the thing.
There was no fixing the situation, either.
What could I possibly say or do to help in this moment?
“How do I fix this, Nadia?” I asked, glad she was here.
She rubbed her little head against my cheek and gently nipped at my lips in her version of kisses, and I pet her neck, rubbed my cheek against her, and gave her some kisses back. Even though it wasn’t fixing anything, her affections were helping me feel better.
“Isiah?”
I jumped off the bench, took a defensive position, and had my magic out, ready to attack anyone that came at me.
I blinked in surprise at the sight of Raph standing there.
“Izzy?” he said quietly again.
I sucked in a breath, letting my magic drop back down. After a moment’s hesitation, I asked, “Where’s Laz? You weren’t supposed to follow me. You’re not supposed to leave him alone, Raph. He can’t be alone, Raphael!” My words slowly got louder, and I rushed past him to get in my car and make sure Lazarus was okay.
“He’s not alone, Izzy,” Raph said calmly.
Freezing in place, I blinked at him.
“I’m here.” Laz’s voice reached my ears, and I sucked in a breath as I turned to find him standing in the parking lot that was fifty feet away with Jezebel wrapped around his shoulders, tucked into his collar. He was wrapped up tight in a huge winter coat with a hat on that had a fuzzy ball on the top. His cheeks were rosy from the cold and the puffy jacket made him look even more broad than he already was. The sight brought a brief smile to my face before I remembered the reason I was out here in the first place.