“Don’t be ridiculous, Isiah,” I said.
He said, “Because of my past, I had never wanted any kind of committed relationship. I guess I had this notion that if it wasn’t official, he couldn’t hurt me the same way my exes had. Stupid, I know, but I was trying to protect myself.”
Laz nudged Izzy’s knee with his until they stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment, and Iz smiled softly at him. It was amazing that Laz could pull Iz out of a tailspin like that with only a look. He was amazing, and I was so glad they had a connection together.
Isiah said, “Anyway, the last time Raph and I were together, it was a long stint, over a year, and—”
“The last time we were in a sort of romantic relationship together, he means. Although, we’ve never said we were dating or anything like that, not even the time he’s talking about. We’ve… we’ve still fallen into a physical relationship over the years on the rare occasion,” I quietly admitted to Laz. He should know everything.
Laz nodded in acknowledgment.
“That’s true,” Izzy said before clearing his throat. “Anyway, the last time we were… dating, I guess is the word, he started seeing this other warlock as well—which was fine because that’s how it’d always been with us, and he was still seeing me, too. But like I said before, I have a messed-up view of relationships. I got jealous, didn’t tell Raph how I was feeling, and instead, went out and started, uh, sleeping with other people.” Iz wrinkled his nose and winced. “I was kind of an asshole.”
I sent him a soft smile. “Only kind of?”
He snorted and pushed my knee. “So… Dallan.”
Laz sucked in a breath.
I said, “He’s a part of this, but we don’t have to say his name again, just know that he’s been after me for a long time.”
Iz asked Laz, “Can I keep going, treasure?”
Laz closed his eyes, took a beat, then opened them with a nod. “Yeah.”
Iz nodded. “He must’ve been following us, or something, because he grabbed… Benji. This guy I went on two dates with and brought back home for, uh, an overnight stay.”
“You can just say you slept with him once, honey.”
Iz waved me off. “So that man took him, and we… we didn’t get to him in time.”
Laz’s eyes widened. “He killed Benji?”
“Yeah,” I answered.
Izzy nodded and blinked his eyes a few times, clearly holding back some tears. “That man thought he’d grabbed Raph’s boyfriend at the time, and I was so filled with guilt that I ended up blaming Raph for Benji’s death. Again, I was an asshole, and for some reason, Raph was patient with me and didn’t kick me to the curb.”
“You were hurting, and you needed a punching bag,” I said, grabbing his hand.
“Should’ve used an actual punching bag, then.” Iz squeezed my hand. “So I pushed Raph away, and after a couple of months, I found out Raph was seeing someone, and I was hurt.”
Another weight rested on my chest because Izzy had been hurting so badly. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize what Izzy needed. I thought he’d needed space, but he really needed the opposite. When Iz started questioning me about the guy I was seeing, I got pissed and started seeing a second person—this woman from the Conclave.”
Izzy said, “What had started as a beautiful thing turned nasty, and Raph and I started doing things on purpose to hurt the other because we were both hurting and feeling guilty over Benji. Instead of turning to each other, we pushed each other away, but since we’re soul-pledged, we kept coming back to each other. One day, we’d be all over each other, the next we’d be fighting and a total disaster.”
I nodded. “We were a mess. A huge flaming pile.”
“During one of our many fights, I told him we shouldn’t do this anymore, that we should officially break off our romantic and physical relationship, and when Raph jumped at the opportunity, I was hurt again.”
“We were both hurting,” I said. “We were both assholes for a while, but when we took the romantic relationship out of it, we found our way again.”
Izzy sent me a half-smile. “Yeah, until Raph kissed me a couple years later.”
“You’re irresistible.” I shrugged.
“We slept together, and the next day, Raph went on a date with some girl that he’d had planned for a week.”
“We had always had an open relationship, so I assumed Iz would be fine. He knew I had a date, and he even told me to go out with her. I asked if I should cancel, and he said no. It literally wasn’t anything important, it was just a date, but he told me to go.”
“After his date with her, I broke it off with Raph and made him promise me not to kiss me again.”
I said, “I didn’t promise not to kiss him. I only promised I would try to stop since that was what he wanted.”
Izzy rolled his eyes, then sighed. “I should’ve told you how I felt. That was on me, Raphael. I didn’t speak up about what I wanted, and I told you it was okay to go. I gave you my blessing, then threw it in your face afterwards.”
“Iz…”
He shook his head. “I know I often blame you for what happened, but you asked me if it was okay, and I gave you permission. I told you to go have fun. I should’ve told you I was hurting, I should’ve talked to you, but I kept my mouth shut.”
I swallowed thickly. “If I would’ve known you didn’t want to bring other people in, like we usually did, I never would’ve—”
“I know, Raph, I do. I know you never meant to hurt me.”
“But I did.”
He nodded. “I was hurt that you even wanted someone else so soon, and I didn’t know how to handle those feelings, I still don’t.”
He and I stared at each other for a long moment, so many emotions passing through us. Grief, guilt, sorrow, anger, and… hope. He had hope that this time was different; the same hope I was feeling as well.
“If you don’t want him with other people, what am I doing here?” Laz whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.
Izzy’s eyes went wide, and he immediately turned to Laz, cupping his cheeks so Laz was staring into Izzy’s eyes as he spoke. “No, treasure, you’re different. Raph and I have never shared another partner like this. We’ve never been in a closed relationship with three people. The three of us, we’re connected, and I… I want you, too. What Raph said yesterday, about the three of us being together, I want that. I want you in my life as much as I want my next breath.”
Laz gasped. “Izzy—”
Iz shut him up by pressing a soft kiss to Laz’s lips. Laz relaxed a little, then grabbed hold of Izzy’s elbows while they held their lips together in a sweet and intimate way. When they parted, Izzy rested his forehead against Laz’s and whispered, “You’re a part of us, Laz. I didn’t want to believe it before, but I can no longer deny it. I feel you”—he patted his chest over his heart—“in here. I feel my soul reaching for yours. You are meant to be a part of us, Lazarus. And not only that, I want you to be a part of us.”