“Are you asking me to be your plus one?” There is a thread of hope in his voice, and it kills me to have to let him down.
“No,” I say amid my laughter. “I’m sorry. Alex and I have to keep up appearances in public, even if he is ignoring me most of the time. Bring someone with you, maybe a beautiful girl you’re interested in. Oh, why not Sarah? You guys used to be close friends, no? It’s a big black-tie event so there’ll be the media in attendance and most of our stakeholders.” I try to sound lighthearted, but why am I so bothered picturing Matt with another girl on his arm?
Matt laughs ruefully. “Sure. I’ll come and see if Sarah wants to join. She likes that kind of stuff so I’m sure she can make it.” He takes a bite of his food before continuing. “When you say keeping up appearances, do you mean that you two are actually separated? I mean, do you think Alex is seeing someone else?”
The question makes me queasy. Surely Alex wouldn’t go that far. “We are still married, not on a break or anything. I’m sure he’d never do that to me.”
Matt shrugs, unconvinced. “If you say so.”
I frown, knowing exactly what he’s thinking. “Please don’t put things in my head,” I say, now that I’m reminded of how Alex met Amanda in her apartment last year without even telling me and it was Matt who gave me the unedited tape. “We’ll be together at the growth scan in a few days, and I’m going to tell him I expect him to be here for me more often. It’s been a hard time for him too, with the pregnancy and the trial and all,” I find myself saying.
Matt doesn’t respond, and we continue our meal awkwardly, the charm of the night long gone, killed at the memory of Alex’s lies and secrets that filled my daily life even before our wedding. At least the food is tasty. I pack up my leftovers and call my driver to come pick me up. Suddenly, it feels wrong to let Matt take me home. We are getting too close, and knowing he had feelings for me just a few months ago, I don’t want to give him any wrong idea.
When the sleek black car pulls up, I bid Matt farewell, feeling a little upset our fun day had ended on such an unpleasant note. Matt hugs me close, and we embrace for a little longer than necessary. It makes me realize how starved for touch I really am. He pulls back and stares deeply into my eyes, his voice low and serious.
“Keep me updated on everything and call me after the scan. Just because Alex doesn’t see how lucky he is to have you in his life, doesn’t mean I don’t.” He kisses my cheek quickly and I blush, hurrying out of the restaurant and getting into my chauffeur’s car.
As we pull away, I take a last look at Matt’s tall form standing outside with the lights of the restaurant behind him. I cover my cheeks with my hands, hoping to conceal the blush that still lingers there for much too long.
Chapter 23
Manhattan, March 26, 2021
Petra Van Gatt
I do a quick twirl in the mirror, the black and white tweed pleated skirt falling above my knees and covering perfectly well the lace of my black silky thigh highs. Next I throw on a black, cozy knitwear top and grab a pair of ankle boots to finish the ensemble. I’ve already curled my long hair into gentle waves and applied subtle makeup to enhance my big blue eyes and petal pink lips. The top hides the outlines of my growing belly, and I think I look radiant. What a difference from my usual pair of All Stars and white shirts. I want so badly to catch Alex off guard with my appearance, and to see a flash of want in his eyes. Secretly, I’ve been hoping he’d bring me roses and apologize for his long absence.
All of a sudden, Maria taps on the door frame, interrupting my daydreaming. “Alex is here, ma’am.”
I check my appearance one more time before heading out to meet him. As soon as I see my husband, I’m hit with a wave of emotions. I’m so happy to finally see him, but at the same time so angry at him for having ignored me for so many days. His hands are empty of flowers. No matter, if I want his attention now, then I’m going to have to let it all fall by the wayside. He looks up from his phone as I enter, and I flash him my brightest smile, but his expression doesn’t change.
My face falls. Okay, well, I guess that means I shouldn’t have wasted my time putting effort into my appearance today.
“You ready?” Alex asks shortly.
“Yeah,” I mutter, shoulders slouching as I follow him out to the car. And just like last time, it’s him driving. I guess it’s a way for him to have something else to focus on other than me.
We ride in silence for a while without even the radio playing. I can’t take it anymore, so I ask him, “How have you been doing?” I try my best not to sound annoyed.
Alex simply says, “Fine,” not taking his eyes off the road.
He’s really getting on my nerves with his indifference. I scroll through my phone to keep busy until we get to the clinic, knowing that if I think about Alex’s abandonment of me for too long, then I’m going to snap. We walk into the office as usual, and after a brief wait, we are escorted back to a room.
Like clockwork, they ask me to change into a gown and weigh me. I avoid looking at the scale, terrified that I’ve lost weight. A nurse draws my blood and checks all my other vitals before it’s time for the actual ultrasound.
Mariana comes in with my file in hand, nodding curtly at Alex before greeting me warmly.
“We’ve got quite a bit to go over regarding the amniocentesis and MRI you had done at the Fetal Care Center, but I’m going to go ahead and get an updated growth through ultrasound first.”
“Okay,” I say, trying to calm my racing heart. I really don’t want to talk about any of the tests, because as soon as we do, Mariana is going to bring up that dreaded word again: terminate.
I hop onto the table, avoiding looking at Alex as Mariana rubs the wand over the skin of my stomach, holding still to snap images every once in a while. After about ten minutes, it’s finished, and I clean up before changing back into my regular clothes.
“Doing okay?” Alex asks, as I sit next to him. His face still appears aloof, but I see genuine concern in his eyes.
“I’m scared,” I whisper to him. He nods and places a hand on my upper leg, squeezing softly.
“We’re going through it together,” he promises.
Yeah, right…
When Mariana returns, I can feel myself panicking. I take deep breaths, slowly exhaling and counting the seconds to calm down. I can hear my blood rushing in my ears. Mariana types a little at the computer and flips through her paperwork before she looks up at us and clasps her hands together. Time for serious talk.
“First, let’s go over the advanced imaging from the MRI. I had already assumed that this was the case, but it’s now very clear to the doctors at the Fetal Care Center and myself that Baby A, the recipient one, is hogging most of the placenta, leaving Baby B with very little space and nutrients to thrive.”
Keep breathing, Petra, I tell myself before asking, “But there are still two heartbeats, right?”
Mariana looks pained. “Yes, but—”
“Then let’s continue like that,” I interrupt before Mariana could step in.
Mariana heaves a sigh in resignation. “As you wish but be aware that the longer you wait to terminate Baby B, the more you are putting Baby A at risk as well.”