I blinked at my brother and felt a chill at his keen insight. It was almost as if he knew my greatest fear since getting together with Hyde was that I might become a burden to him. I hoped we could figure out a way to have an equal partnership in our relationship since our strengths and weaknesses complemented one another, but there was always the underlying worry that I would take a turn for the worse and Hyde would be saddled with the task of taking care of me, just like he had when we were kids. I was holding it all together by the skin of my teeth, but my brother was right; I was very close to my breaking point.
“At some point, I need to learn to save myself. You aren’t always going to be around to do it, Zowen.” And I didn’t want that to be Hyde’s responsibility, either. I thought I was getting better at being my own hero, but Hollyn getting sick was the first big test, and I felt like I was pretty close to failing it. I was really close to my mental danger zone and hadn’t even realized how much I was pushing my luck.
My brother shook his head and squeezed my hand. “You’re wrong. I will always be there when you need me. And even when you don’t, I’ll be your backup plan.”
My throat was clogged with emotion, and I couldn’t stop the tears that flooded my eyes. They were hot as they rolled down my cheeks, but the pressure that felt like it was crushing my chest loosened its grip slightly.
“I’ll be your backup plan, too. I know you’ve always been the more mature one out of the two of us, and that I’ve always needed you more than you need me, but I promise, I’ll always be there for you, too, Zowen.” I was crying in earnest now, my shoulders shook with silent sobs as we stared at each other with tacit understanding.
His big hand tightened even more on mine, almost as if he was proving it would take a monumental effort to get him to let go of me.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Remy. I’ve always needed you just as much as you need me. You keep life interesting and fun. You make me smile, and you’ve always protected me. Every single time I thought I was going to get lost in Ry’s shadow, you showed up with all your light and love and made sure I didn’t disappear. You’re the only person I’ve ever told my secrets to, and you’re the only one who can make me laugh when I feel like crying. I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I would’ve had the most boring childhood ever if you hadn’t been a part of it. All I wanted to do was play video games and soccer. You forced me out of the house and made sure every day was an adventure. You’ve always been my best friend.” He lifted a hand and put it on top of my head as I dropped my face to rest on my arm. I was crying so hard it was difficult to catch my breath. There was something about all the big, silent men in my life suddenly having a lot to say that undid my insides and made my heart flutter from the sweetness.
“You’re my best friend, too.” I barely whispered the words as my emotions continued to run wild and leak out with each teardrop and sniffle. It was cathartic to let everything out, and the chaos inside my head slowly started to die down.
I must’ve cried myself to sleep. When I opened my eyes, I was startled to find that the sun was setting behind the mountains, and I was laying on top of my bed. My eyes were gritty from crying, and I had a bit of a low-grade headache, but before I did a full inventory of my condition, I searched frantically for my phone. It wasn’t on the charger, and it hadn’t rung since Zowen dragged me home. I promised Hyde he would be able to get a hold of me when I left the hospital, and I was damn near having a panic attack thinking I may have gone back on my word.
Just as I was about to scream in frustration and pull my hair out over my own incompetence, I noticed my brother was still in my house. It was apparent he’d spent the hours I was sleeping tidying up the space; he even went to the store to make sure I had the basics in the pantry. I could see fresh fruit on the counter and a couple bags of take-out on the table. Zowen was sitting on my couch with a laptop open on his lap. My phone was on the glass coffee table next to his. I guess he’d been acting as a watchdog, as well as my babysitter, for the afternoon.
He turned his head to look at me when I crawled off the bed. I pushed my tangled hair out of my face and pointed at the phone. “Did Hyde call?”
My voice was raspy and rough, but I could hear how anxious I sounded.
Zowen nodded without looking away from the computer screen. “He did. Hollyn is improving slowly but surely. She’s maintaining her oxygen levels on her own. I asked him if he wanted me to wake you up so he could tell you what was going on himself, but he told me to let you sleep. He ordered me to feed you and said he would call you later. It sounds like all the grandparents were there at the hospital with him.”
I frowned as I walked over to pick up my phone to let Hyde know I was awake and ask him if he needed me to bring him anything.
“All the grandparents? You mean Zeb and Sayer?” Didn’t Hyde say his ex’s parents weren’t interested in Hollyn?
Zowen snorted and finally closed his computer. “Mom and Dad were there, too. If you’re with Hyde, it’s like Hollyn is their first grandchild. You know Mom. She’s going to be all over that.”
I froze and felt my jaw drop open. It took me a minute to find words, and when I did, they were slightly strangled. “That’s too fast. Hyde and I barely started dating.” I was only just starting to think I could consider father and daughter mine. I couldn’t believe my mom was one step ahead of me. “She’s too much.”
Zowen shrugged. “If you ask me, she’s been planning on you being with Hyde since you were both kids. She’s been ready to be a grandmother since he came back. It’s probably her way of making sure Hyde knows she regrets how she treated him in the past, and that she’s going to go out of her way to welcome both him and Hollyn into the Archer family. When Mom screws up, she does it big time. But when she makes amends and tries to right her wrongs, she makes sure she gives it her all. Kind of like someone else I know.” He gave me a pointed look and climbed to his feet. He gestured toward the takeout and told me, “I got you enough to take something to Hyde. I know you won’t be able to stay home all night. Take a shower. Take your meds. Make sure you check in with your shrink sooner rather than later. If you need me for anything at all, call.”
He walked toward me and hooked my neck with his arm. He gave me a hug that was nearly suffocating and kissed the top of my head. His tone was stark and serious when he ordered, “Take care of yourself, Remy. That needs to be your top priority, always.”
If anyone overheard him just now, they might think he was cold and callous. However, I knew how hard it had been for him to be the one to find me the last time I was unable to make my health and myself the top priority. Zowen never wanted a repeat of that day, and neither did I.
I hugged his waist and swore, “I will. I need to learn how to take care of others and take care of myself simultaneously. It’s going to take some practice.”
Zowen snorted again and let go of his hold on me. “Everyone has to learn how to do that. Not just you. I’ll check in later.”
After my brother left, I forced myself to follow his terse instructions rather than run right back to the hospital. I took a shower. I took my meds. I left a message for my therapist, letting her know I needed an appointment to talk about all the sudden changes in my life. I ate some of the takeout. I checked in with my mom and dad to make sure they were no longer at the hospital. I didn’t want to overwhelm Hyde with the Archers if they were still visiting. Since my folks were already home and eating dinner, I left the loft, toting the extra food my brother bought.