The hospital was fairly quiet since it was getting late. There were still doctors and nurses buzzing around, and there was no shortage of worried parents on each floor where the elevator stopped, but the frantic energy of the ER and tension from when Hollyn first transferred over was missing.
I passed Hyde’s aunt and uncle on my way to Hollyn’s room. Campbell was with them, so I awkwardly said hello and tried not to shrink into myself under the scrutiny of Hyde’s Uncle Benny’s stare. The older man had always been pleasant enough when our paths crossed, but this time I felt like I was being evaluated and judged as a potential wife and mother. There was a lot in that intense gaze, but I must’ve passed inspection because a moment later, he gave me a crooked grin and told me, “Make him eat. He’s running on fumes and won’t listen to anyone. Well, that’s not entirely true. Your mom seemed to knock some sense into him earlier, so I’m hoping you have the same luck.” He flashed me a wink as he reached for his wife’s hand. “Small but mighty. I always get a kick out of women like that.”
I mumbled a ‘thank you,’ since I assumed that was a compliment. I was pretty sure he was laughing at me under his breath as he walked away.
I put the weird encounter out of my mind as I pushed into Hollyn’s hospital room. The lights were dim. The baby looked so tiny in the pediatric crib. There were still many tubes and wires attached to her, and a bunch of beeping and whooshing sounds coming from the machines surrounding her. Hyde was sitting next to the bed, one hand stuck through the slats, the other holding his phone as he read to her.
I expected to hear a Dr. Seuss book or The Very Hungry Caterpillar. The closer I got, I realized he was reading from Lord of the Flies. I couldn’t hold back a startled laugh as I stepped next to him and placed the takeout on a small table near the only window in the room.
“Why are you reading her that?” He looked away from the screen on his phone and in the direction of the sleeping baby. “Because she wouldn’t look at me when I read Where the Wild Things Are or when I tried James and the Giant Peach. Of course, she seems fascinated by a book that’s all about survival at all cost and by any means necessary.”
I stepped next to his side and felt his big body relax slightly as I leaned into him. He wrapped an arm around my waist and buried his head in my stomach with a deep sigh. I ran my fingers over his short hair and across the back of his neck. I felt him melt into me as I did my best not to stagger under the sudden weight.
“She’s getting better. Every time a nurse comes in, they tell me she’s making progress, and her doctor seems optimistic. I’m trying to be happy about it, but I won’t feel any better about the situation until they take her off the ventilator.”
I hugged his head and held onto him with all my might. “Don’t discount the small victories. A victory is still a triumph, no matter how big or small it may be.” He nodded, bumping his forehead into my tummy. I could feel how desperately he was working to keep calm and not give in to despair. “Eat some dinner. I know everyone around you has been telling you to take care of yourself, and you’re blowing them off. I did the same thing when they told me to be careful. I’m not entirely sure what I can do for you, or what you need from me, but I figure I’ll just copy what the people who care about me do for me. So, you need to eat. You need to rest.” I lifted an eyebrow and rubbed the back of his neck. “And it might not be a terrible idea for you to find someone professional to talk to now and then. You’ve had a lot of loss in your life, Hyde. That takes its toll on anyone, no matter how strong they may be.”
He reached out and caught the hand that wasn’t busy stroking his head. He laced our fingers together and lifted his head, so he was looking up at me. “What I’ve lost can’t compare to all that I’ve gained. That’s also important to remember.” He gave me the barest hint of a grin and pulled me closer to him. “I’ll eat. I’ll rest. And I’ll talk to someone once everything calms down. I forget that I need to take care of myself so I don’t put you and Hollyn in a tough spot. Your mom sort of smacked me in the face with that reminder earlier.”
I couldn’t hold back my sarcastic, “I bet she did.” My mom was really good with those kinds of in-your-face reminders. “My brother told me everyone has to learn how to take care of others while also taking care of themselves, so I think it’s something we both need to practice.”
Hyde chuckled and rubbed his thumb across my wrist. My pulse thumped happily in response. His green gaze turned serious as he stared up at me. His voice was quiet and intent when he told me, “I want you to know that I love you, Remy. I’ve loved you in a lot of different ways from day one, but right now, I love you in the kind of way that makes me think I can’t imagine our future without you in it. I want to learn to take care of myself and you at the same time. I want to watch Hollyn grow up with you. I want to hear her call you Mom, and I want to come home to both of you every single time I leave the house. I know I’m asking a lot and putting a lot of expectations on you, but I can’t stop thinking about how nothing feels complete without you as a part of it. I know my love might not be enough, but it is all yours without any reservations. You’re the only person I’ve ever known how to love. It comes as easy as breathing to me, even when it terrifies me.”
I used to tell him I loved him once a day when I chased him all over Denver. I said the words carelessly and thoughtlessly, even though I meant them. I never imagined when we reconnected, he would be the one to confess our grown-up feelings first. He was the only man I’d ever wanted to hear the word ‘love’ from, and now that he’d given me the coveted words, I had no plans to ever let him take them back.
“I’ve loved you from day one as well. I don’t know that my love from then is any different from the love I feel now, but I do know I can express it better these days. And I know there has to be more to my life than loving you. It means building a life with you, helping you raise Hollyn, figuring out how to take care of each other, as well as ourselves. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be there each and every single time you come home because sometimes I’ll forget, or get distracted, or get caught up in a project. That doesn’t mean I’m not excited to see you, or that I haven’t missed you while you’re gone. It just means my mind needs a minute to recalibrate and reset. It’s probably always going to be that way.” And I wasn’t going to apologize for it. If he knew how to love me, he understood there were things about me that would test that love to its very limits.
“I can wait while you recalibrate. You waited for me for a long time.”
“We waited for each other.” I said the words softly, but there was strength and certainty in each one of them.
I lowered my head until my forehead rested against his. “We’re going to be a family.”
It was something I didn’t dare picture for myself because I always thought it was out of my reach. Mostly because I thought Hyde Fuller was forever out of my reach.
Who would’ve ever guessed that the one time I was brave enough to try and grab a handful of stars, I was lucky enough to catch the whole damn sky?
It wasn’t like I’d ever done anything particularly special or amazing to deserve such an awesome reward. But I did survive, and I learned how valuable my life and my love were. I refused to throw either away ever again, so now I was fortunate enough to share both with the only person whom I ever felt truly deserved them.