He takes a step forward. “Many people in your situation see organ donation as a way of turning tragedy into something good. When you’re ready, there are some people from the donation center who would like to speak with you.”
Organ donation? What? Isn’t he jumping the gun? It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.
“I’m not giving up on him.”
The doctor regards Phoenix. “I’ll send a grief counselor to the room shortly.” He gives me a sympathetic smile as he heads for the door. “If there’s anything else I can do or anything you need, please let myself or the nurses know.”
I need you to do your job and save my dad.
The weird knot in my stomach becomes a violent wave of pain. It’s so intense my knees buckle and everything around me spins.
He’s dying.
The tears come again…only this time they’re wails that shake my entire body.
“Breathe,” Phoenix whispers and it takes me a second to register that I’m in his arms.
I try to take a breath past the agony, but I can’t. It’s pummeling me into the ground, stealing every ounce of strength I possess.
This pain is unlike any I’ve ever experienced.
The harder I sob, the tighter Phoenix holds me.
I don’t know how long this goes on, but eventually my tears run dry, leaving me completely drained.
I don’t remember Phoenix sitting down in a chair or pulling me onto his lap, but he’s rubbing gentle circles up and down my back and his lips are pressed against my forehead.
“Where’s Mrs. Palma?” I croak.
“She went home to get you a change of clothes, but she’ll be back soon. Do you want me to call her?”
“No, it’s okay.”
Once she’s here, I’ll have to say the words aloud and I’m not ready for that.
I peer up at him. “I really appreciate you coming, but you should go back to Europe.”
He’s in the middle of his own shitstorm right now and the last place he needs to be is here with me.
Emotion slashes the sharp lines of his face, and he palms my cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”
I want to argue, but I don’t have the stamina for it.
Sliding off his lap, I maneuver into the empty seat next to him.
Whatever was left of my heart shatters as I stare at my dad. You’d think it would be easier given I’ve been losing him in pieces these past two years, but it’s not…because I can’t stop thinking of everything I’m going to miss out on.
The things we’ll never get to experience.
“He’s never gonna see me get married,” I choke out as another wave of grief swallows me whole.
He once told me that my wedding day would be the best and worst day of his life. When I asked him why, he said it was because he’d be giving me away to someone who loved me just as much as he did…but it also meant he’d be losing me.
But I’m the one losing him.
I feel another loose thread of my broken heart pull with my next thought.
“He’s never gonna meet his grandkids.”
My dad said I’d never understand just how deep love could be until I had children of my own one day.
But I don’t need to have kids to understand it, because my love for him runs deeper than an ocean.
Which is probably why I’ve already cried enough tears to fill one.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
He wasn’t supposed to abandon me like this.
“I’m all alone now.”
Phoenix’s voice is raw rasp. “No, you’re not.”
I am, though.
My dad used to say I was his whole entire world…but he was my world, too.
Now my world is cold and dark.
Phoenix grasps my chin, tilting my face so I have no choice but to look at him.
Leaning in, he closes the distance between us, kissing me with such tenderness a rush of warmth engulfs me.
And then he whispers two words against my lips…two words that make the universe come to a screeching halt before bursting into flames.
“Marry me.”
CHAPTER 75
PHOENIX
“No,” Lennon exclaims as she leaps out of her chair. “You’re insane.”
Funny because I’ve never felt saner.
Lennon’s it for me.
I knew it when I wrote that first letter and I know it even more now.
And while I can’t undo what’s happening, I can give her this.
Proof that she’s not alone. That she has a family.
That even though she’s losing the first man who loved her…she still has another man who loves her just as much.
“Marry me,” I repeat.
Her shocked gaze flies to mine. “No. Stop ask…” She scowls. “Demanding.”
Fuck that. I’ll keep demanding until she agrees.
She takes several steps backward and I take several forward. “Marry me, Lennon.”
A gasp of surprise rings out behind me and I don’t need to turn around to know it’s Mrs. Palma.
Lennon glares hate fire at me. “You’re crazy. We’re not even together.”
That’s my fault.
Sometimes you want something so bad you’ll give up everything to get it, but I learned my lesson.
I know what it’s like to lose her and nothing is worth that.
I just need her to realize that what we have is worth fighting for.
“Would you have wanted to spend the rest of your life with me if I hadn’t fucked up?”
I don’t give a shit what she thinks would have happened between us. I want to know what the thing inside her chest felt.
What it still feels.
She retreats again, only this time her spine meets the wall.
I close the space between our bodies, trapping her. If she wants to run away, she’ll have to get through me, but she won’t be able to because I’m never letting her go.
“Yes,” she whispers, averting her gaze. “I told you, I loved you—”
“Do you still love me?”
The question is heavier than osmium, but I already know the answer.
I fucking feel it. This girl is burrowed so deep in my soul the best surgeon on the planet couldn’t cut her out.
And I know it’s the same for her when it comes to me. She’s just afraid of getting her heart broken again.
But I’ll spend the rest of my life not only putting the pieces together but making it even stronger.
Appearing defeated, her pretty face crumples. “Yes.”
I plant my hand on the wall next to her head. “Good, because I love you.”
Her gaze searches mine. I know she sees the truth in my eyes because her walls are down and she’s finally looking.
But love alone isn’t enough, it needs something else—something essential—in order to thrive and get you through all the fucked-up tests life throws at a relationship.
“Do you trust me?”
I hold my breath. A minute can feel like an eternity when you’re waiting for the woman you love to decide if you’re worthy enough of her.
And while I could stand here, pound on my chest, and shout that even though I’ll piss her off at least once a day for the remainder of our lives, I’ll never hurt her again…it won’t mean shit unless she truly believes it.