I think it’s fair to say, after last night’s meltdown and anxiety-driven overthinking, what the future will be like between us has been on my mind a lot. It was supposed to be just sex, but something about him screams to me that this is so much more than just sex could ever be.
I continue to watch, giving them their moment and letting myself get lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I think there are two sides to him. The one that shows the world he’s rough, tough, and everything dangerous you can think of in one human. That’s the one I knew for years. Years of him silently coming in to the shop, waking me up with no real communication. I thought I knew him.
That is … until he showed me this side.
A side that I would bet my life not many people have seen. When it’s just the three of us together, the rough edges of him start to soften. Little by little, those edges soften ever so much to let him peek out and show me there is so much more to this man than anyone realizes.
Even me.
Those moments drive home just how much I’ve been affected by his presence, as well. He’s shown me time and time again that even though I’m capable of doing everything on my own, having some extra support isn’t that bad, either. He gave me a taste of what it would be like to have a partner in my life, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t love it. He gives Riley something she’s been missing, too. He plays with her, and he really lets this boyish part inside him burst free.
At that moment, I know something big hurt him and caused him to hide who he really is under those sharp edges. When I get that part of him, I know it’s a gift worth holding on to.
I have no doubt that I’ll love it because of who that partner is, and that’s all there is to that. There isn’t another man who would awaken this much attraction, respect, and a connection that feels like we’ve had decades to perfect. It’s something I never thought I would allow for myself, either. That dependency on another person to help navigate and handle your life with. I hadn’t ever looked at it in a healthy way … until him. Even with two sides of him, I know neither of them would intentionally hurt us.
I smile and focus on the two of them as they finish their moment alone. Just a little world that belongs to the two of them. Riley adamantly whispers to him, and I know she’ll be a little while longer. I walk over to the little bench just outside the entrance and sit, watching them while my heart fills up with a powerful thump even though it’s already racing speed. My thoughts take me back to last night. To the moment I felt that shift from what had started between Drew and me to what I knew in my gut was building into something completely different.
I had been standing there just staring at Riley while her mood deteriorated. Drew came and took my shoulders in his big strong hands, and when I looked up at him, I saw the exact moment he noticed the tears of frustration hovering at the edge of my eyes, just waiting for me to blink before they fell over the edge. And once they start, it’s hard to pull them back.
He cautiously ordered me to take a deep breath and go upstairs to soak in the bath.
To relax.
To have a moment alone, he said.
I blinked, those dang tears falling, and when he made a sound deep and low in his throat that sounded a whole lot like pain … over my tears? I felt that sound hit my heart like a battering ram. He asked me to wait and I was shocked silly when he came toward me with a full glass of wine. He placed it in my hands, spun me softly by his hands at my shoulders and gave me a gentle push toward the stairs. I moved, ever so slowly, toward the master suite. I didn’t see the stairs, I didn’t even really recognize the path that took me to stand in front of the tub.
He found me not too long after, fast asleep in the tub. When he told me how he had put Riley to bed, the rest of my heart might as well have jumped out of my chest and into his hand.
Riley was tucked in with no trouble. He read her one story, and then she even got an extra one out of him. Right before he left her room, he said she told him that she was scared. Drew being the man he is, her giant, stood in the doorway to “watch out for those monsters” until she was asleep. He didn’t move until her soft snores reached his ears.
Later, long after my bath, he spent a couple of hours making me feel more alive than I had ever felt in my life. Something magical started burning in those moments before I fell asleep in his arms. My whole dang heart might as well be his now.
He’s stayed overnight a few times in the past few weeks, using his stealthy skills to sneak out just before Riley gets up in the morning. Those stolen moments are nothing short of magical. This, what we shared last night, though? That was next level.
Glancing at my watch, I realize how much time I let pass, pushing us even later. Something that should make me even more anxious, but looking at the two of them have their moment, I know I wouldn’t care if we were hours late.
I stand, brush my hands over my black dress pants and start moving toward them, at a much more leisurely pace than Riley did earlier. Drew looks up over her head and smirks at me, causing my face to flush and my steps to get slightly wonky for a split second. I know how much he loves making me blush, so when that smirk ticks up a little more on his handsome face, I feel the heat grow. I take in his fresh clothes. He must have had more time than I thought to run home. He’s freshly showered and changed and still on time. I’m fairly sure it didn’t feel like a walk of shame for him because I imagine he doesn’t care enough about what other people might think to actually be ashamed. Though, he knows my blush is one hundred percent because of him and not because of being embarrassed. No, my blush is all about my desire for him. And he loves it.
We both look away and down at Riley when she climbs up his body. Pretty normal for her morning, wanting to climb to the top of her very own giant. She makes it to the middle of his chest before she needs help to make it the rest of the way up. He hooks her under her arms, and before she can even get one full stream of giggles out, he has her placed on his shoulders with his hands around her ankles to keep her safe.
I hold back a laugh when she bends down over the top of his head, curling her little body around him until she can peek at him from her perch.
A crazy mess of brown curls, a big loopy smile and giggles that rain down on him.
“Morning, my giant,” Riley says, parroting the almost curt tone that Drew uses on others. She’s taken to mimicking his tone a lot lately, only she does it in a few different ways and always mixes them up to catch him off guard.
It never fails to make me laugh when I hear her trying to mimic his tone. She’s been trying to echo the exact way he speaks for a while. It’s probably the most adorable part of our day, hearing her try to be gruff and hard. Drew doesn’t speak often, or say a lot. That is, outside of the walls of one of our homes. He chooses the words he says and delivers them, that’s all there is to it. Those words he does say, well, you can guarantee they’re important.
And those carefully chosen words that he gives us?
Those matter the most, to him and to us.
“Morning, bean,” he replies in a low drawl. As a matter of fact, to the point, nothing else given. That’s just him.
I can see her smile grow before she answers.
“Away we go, giant! Carry us onward! It’s time for the quest for knowledge.”
My head jerks slightly, not noticeable to Riley, but Drew catches it. He quirks his brow to give me a look that says it all. We both are two grown adults who rarely take orders from anyone. I would go as far as to say that he likely never takes orders. However, it isn’t lost on me that both of us unquestioningly follow her marching orders when it comes to Riley. I give him a small shrug, a bigger smile, and we follow.