They just didn’t know they weren’t praying for something hopeless.
“Now I know you said that man you were was long gone,” he continues. “Honey, I find it pertinent to inform you … that man never left, and he’s most certainly back in focus.”
I shake my head but don’t reply. There’s no need. He isn’t wrong. Each day since I found his note, I felt like I was coming back to the person I thought was gone forever. A person, if I’m honest with myself, I missed more than I ever thought possible.
“Tell me about the rest of them. I need to hear it before I go back to the person I was. I need to know that even though I left them, they eventually were okay.”
He places his hair tools down on that cart and walks around the chair I’m in. When he stands in front of me, he bends his knees and crouches to look into my eyes. Both his hands reach out to take mine into his warm grip. I briefly wonder if it’s comfortable to sit like that on heels that tall, but all other thoughts go out the window when he starts speaking.
“Are you sure you need that?”
“I need it as surely as I need air to breathe.”
“Things weren’t always as golden as they are now for everyone.”
“What is it you just told me? That life rarely is?”
He makes a sound in his throat.
“Please, Sway,” I ask softly.
“Let me keep doing your hair, darlin’. I’ll talk while I cut.”
He stands and grabs his comb and scissors, starting back at my hair before he speaks.
“Your brother struggled to find his footing, at least he did in the beginning. He was lost and he took your death real hard, sweetness. Those men around him didn’t let him stumble, but it was his woman who didn’t let him fall. The first time I saw him hold your son? I knew a big piece of his heart had been repaired. Zac, your boy, he’s incredible. Next best thing to Zac and Chelcie that your brother could have is you … and you’re about to make two Cooper men feel like they’ve been given the biggest gift someone could get in their whole lifetime.”
I swallow thickly at the mention of Zac, choosing to change the subject instead of focusing on it. I betrayed my brother by leaving like I did. I’m not surprised that he stood up and raised him, but I didn’t see him ending up with Zac’s mom. I couldn’t think of anyone else to raise the son I didn’t know about. Hell, he probably did a better job than I could have at that time in my life. He was my hero growing up, and I would never have been able to raise a boy to be as good as I knew he did. “Chelcie is good?”
“She’s absolutely wonderful. They had a second boy, Jaxon. The way Asher tells it, those two are spitting images of both of y’all growing up. Almost the same age gap as you and your brother, too.”
I picture Ash in my mind, and how we were growing up when times were good, they were some of the best moments of my life. Hell, even when they were bad, they weren’t as bad with him there for me. I love that those boys have the bond we did without the harsh life. Those boys, well … men now, they have no idea how lucky they are that they have that gift of each other. I’m thankful as fuck that my brother loves my son as his own. I have no doubt they have a close relationship, and I need to tread carefully. He may be my biological son, but he’s not my son. Something I hope Asher understands. I don’t want to get ahead of myself when I think about Zac. He’s not a child anymore. I missed him becoming the man he is. He doesn’t need me to be his dad, but I hope he lets me in his life.
“Dee and Beck have a boy.” Sway continues, pulling me back to the conversation. “Liam. Goes by Lee, and he’s the spitting image of his father. Handsome as can be. He’s a cop here in town, and his wife, Megan, she’s a writer. They have two kids, girl and boy. Those two kids weren’t the first to make one of those studs grandfathers, though,” he adds, and I can’t believe my ears.
Grandparents?
“Who was first?” I question, my voice thick with emotion at how much I’ve missed.
“Oh honey child, you’re gonna love this.”
I frown not understanding.
“Axel and Izzy were first.”
“Nate?”
He nods. “And at the same time, Axel and Izzy were becoming grandparents, Greg and Melissa became grands, too.” He snickers a little under his breath.
I frown, not following.
“Dani, short for Danielle, Axel’s little princess and the one and only Cohen Cage. Those two were burning bright and denying it for a long time before they finally got together. I’m pretty certain those two will follow Cohen’s parents lead and keep popping out kids until they can’t anymore. They have three of them now.”
“I bet Ax loved that.” I feel a little more of the dread I felt when I sat down earlier lift away. Beyond happy for my friends and for the lives they’re living.
“It was a sight to be seen, that’s for sure. Though it was even better when Axel’s baby boy fell in love with Maddox’s baby girl. Those two might give Dani-Belle a run for her baby making money.”
He goes on to tell me about Greg and Melissa’s other children, Maddox and Emmy’s daughters and his own daughter, Stella.
My mind whirls as I take it all in. They’ve created one hell of a life and while I’m sad that I wasn’t a part of that journey with them, I know those lives they have may not have ever happened if the day I “died” went differently. I had been so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even realize he had finished my hair until I hear the buzz of his electric shaver. I don’t look up, not sure I’m ready to look at myself yet. He moves in front of me, blocking my view anyway. Then he starts shaving off the last part of the man I had become so the ghost can come out of the shadows.
Ready or not, Zeke Cooper is back.
“Golden Hour” by JVKE
I’m beyond exhausted.
I feel like I’m about to drop—both mentally and physically.
Davey, for a man, can shop. Shop until I drop, that is, because heaven knows he still had enough energy to keep going when I started waving the white flag. How that man can have as much vigor as he does, I don’t think I’ll ever understand. We didn’t even stop to eat until well after dinnertime. Yet he was like the Energizer Bunny, not needing to power back up once.
My arms struggled to carry the bags from the trunk and on to the hotel’s cart. We had picked up snacks, drinks, clothes, even a few new clothes for Zeke and me. Davey stating, at one point early in our shopping, that I should just trust him because he knew just what I needed. I didn’t care. I was enjoying the distraction. Even with the heat my AmEx was letting off from being swiped so much today, it was just what I needed.
I’m pretty sure a big part of why I was so tired had to do with my concern for how Zeke was handling things. When I left earlier I could feel his nervous energy coming off him in waves. It was as if a beast had invaded and started filling up the space around us. Silent and steady in its stalking, but ready to jump at any given moment or sign of weakness. He had assured me he was fine, but I knew he wasn’t. As much as I wanted to rush back to his side, though, I knew my own worry and fretting wouldn’t be what he needed at that moment.