I’m glad he’s glad. I’m not sure if I am, because I have no clue how Dane feels about me. It’s terrifying to love someone—and I mean love him in all ways, not just as a friend—without knowing if he feels it back.
With knowing that Dane has attachment issues.
My eyes drift off to look out the window. It’s gray and drizzly, and it seems like an ominous portent. This may be as good as it gets with him. Dane may never want marriage or children. While we’ve grown so close over the past two months, we’ve never talked about that. He’s certainly never broached the subject, and I’m too terrified to ask.
Too scared to hear him tell me, “I can’t go that far with you, Av. While I care for you a great deal, I just don’t have more in me.”
“It will be okay,” Andrew says, and my eyes snap to his. His voice is so confident sounding, I take immediate heart. “I feel good about this with you and Dane. I think he has what it takes to go the distance with you. You’re the only woman he’d ever take that chance with, Avril.”
God, I hope he’s right, because I’m so invested in him right now. It would destroy me if I can’t have it all with him.
“What’s going on with Jamie?” Andrew asks, and I blink a few times to get online with what he’s asking since the subject change was so abrupt.
I shrug. “He’s texting still, but not every day. I don’t understand why he can’t let it go. And it drives Dane nuts. He wants to go beat him up again.”
Andrew snorts. “That’s just Dane’s way. But honestly…. I feel a little bad for the dude. I think he truly still loves you and made a terrible mistake.”
“It was a terrible mistake.” I’ve thought about this a lot over the last several weeks, and I’ve forgiven Jamie. I loved him so much and he broke my heart, but I also believe this was a one-time only thing. A moment of weakness, and I definitely forgive it.
I also can’t help but be grateful for it, because as much as I loved Jamie, it doesn’t compare to how I feel about Dane. It could never compare to the seventeen years of solid friendship that stands as the base of our relationship. It was almost as if Jamie’s lack of judgment was fated, so that it would lead me to Dane. I think I might truly believe that, and so I have no hard feelings for the man.
In fact, I almost feel bad for him because he’s still hurting and I’m not. I’ve not only moved on, but I’ve found the man who I think is my soul mate.
“He just wants to see me,” I tell Andrew. “He wants one opportunity to talk to me. I think I should do it, so I can tell him about Dane. So he knows there’s no going back.”
“How does Dane feel about that?” Andrew asks. “You know… since he wants to beat him up.”
“I haven’t talked to him about it,” I admit with shame. “I know he won’t like it, and it’s just been easier to deal with Jamie’s texts. Dane’s got a real jealous streak.”
“That he does,” Andrew says with a chuckle. “Dane’s never envied another man for anything in his life, yet he was jealous of me when we were in bed together.”
My face flames again at the mention of our past experiences together, and I really have to learn to get over that. I mean… Dane and I still go to The Wicked Horse to fuck there. Not much embarrasses me anymore, but for some reason, discussing this with Andrew does.
So, I don’t inquire as to why Andrew thinks that. I figure he just knows it, since he’s kind of known a lot of things about me and Dane before we even really knew them.
“Tell you what,” I say as I slap my palms on my thighs and stand up from the chair. “How about you and I cut out a little early and go have a beer? And let’s promise each other no more deep talks tonight. Only fun stuff, okay?”
“Deal,” Andrew says as he closes his laptop on his desk and stands. “Beer and fun stuff. Coming right up.”
CHAPTER 25
Dane
“I’ll take two,” Avril says as she places two of the cards from her hand face down on the green, felt-covered table. She’s got a terrible poker face. The way her eyebrows are drawn inward and she’s chewing on her lip tells me of the three she kept, they’re not all that great either.
Still, I’m enjoying watching her sit at the poker table with me in The Apartment, rocking a sexy as fuck low-cut dress that rides up high on her thighs. I know she doesn’t have any panties on underneath.
Or so she told me.
We decided to hit The Wicked Horse tonight as we haven’t been in a while. The last few weeks have been about getting settled in as a couple. The newness and excitement of it, as well as the fears needing to be worked through.
But I feel good about it. I think Avril and I have something really special, and I know there’s not another woman in the world I’d ever give this a go with.
While the sex has been off the fucking charts, even though it’s been mostly just in the comfort of her home or mine and without Andrew joining us, we both decided to get a little wild tonight and visit the club. We’re agreed this will always be part of our life, but I know it won’t be a dominant part.
That’s okay by me. I don’t miss it at all when I’m with Avril, and its function now serves to ramp up the kinkiness between us if we so choose. Totally still worth the exorbitant membership cost.
The dealer replaces Avril’s cards. She picks them up and studies them, her frown deepening. She better fucking fold.
A quick perusal of my cards, and I decide to drop two as well, keeping a pair of tens and an ace. The other two men in the game make their exchanges, and finally Kynan goes. That fucker has an amazing poker face, and I suspect that comes in handy in his line of work as a security consultant/ mercenary for hire.
Since Avril sits left of the dealer, the next bet is to her. She studies her cards, the frown never lessening, and I can’t help but grin on the inside when she throws a ten-dollar chip in the pile. The bet comes to me, and I add in my ten, as do the next two men.
When it gets to Kynan, he throws in a ten-dollar chip and then picks up a twenty, tossing it on the pile.
Back to Avril, who peers harder at her cards, cuts her eyes to me as if I can tell her what to do, and then back to the cards. Finally, she picks up a twenty chip and throws it on. “Call.”
I still have only a pair of tens, ace high, which isn’t going to beat whatever Kynan’s holding. I fold as do the other two men.
It’s between Avril and Kynan, and I suspect Avril’s getting ready to lose some money. I’d worry for her except I don’t because she’s paid very well for what she does and losing thirty dollars is nothing to her. So, I sit back and relax, watching my girl get her ass kicked when they lay the cards out.
“Interested in a side bet?” Kynan asks Avril with a wicked grin.
Her head tilts and curiosity fills her eyes. “Like what?”
“I win, you come over here and give me a blow job. You win, I’ll make you come with my mouth.”
Avril doesn’t even get her mouth open to respond when I say from across the table, “Not going to happen.”
Kynan’s eyes come to mine, and I can see he’s amused. I wonder if he actually did that just to bait me. He’s tried to join us on the few occasions we’ve come here but we’ve declined, content on Avril and me just being together for now. By the swift reaction I just had, I think it’s safe to assume I’m still not ready to share her and not sure I ever will be.