Saint’s left eye ticks repeatedly, and I rub my hands all over him, trying to get warmth into his cold bones.
“Why didn’t you tell me this?” Bry demands with his chest heaving.
“Because I thought it was too late to save Saint, and I knew if you realized who he was that you’d try. I assumed Saint was his father’s son. The stories I’d heard about him seemed to confirm it. I believed that the part of him that shared DNA with us was too deeply buried.” Howie wipes his tears away, standing.
“How could you leave him with Sinner knowing that?” I cry out.
“I couldn’t do anything for him from overseas, and my mother was too fragile. Then she killed herself. She was heartbroken when Jess died. I couldn’t tell her she’d been murdered, and she never knew she had a grandson, because I lied. I told her Jess and the baby died in a car accident. I also knew if Sinner murdered my sister because she tried to take his son away from him that there was nothing I could do to rescue him.”
He hangs his head, and I want to pummel his cowardly body until he’s not breathing.
I cup Saint’s face, forcing his eyes to mine, but he stares vacantly at me, shielding his emotions, because it’s his usual go-to coping mechanism. My eyes seek Galen’s, and he wears the same concerned mask as me. This might tip Saint over the edge, and I don’t know if any of us can stop him from wreaking havoc.
“How do you know about the birth?” Bry asks. “What else aren’t you saying?”
Howie worries his lower lip between his teeth. “I didn’t know exactly what had happened for a long time. It was only after I’d retired from the military and came back to the area that I sought vengeance. I used my contacts and the tools at my disposal as a DEA agent to dig into Sinner’s background. That’s how I found Alisha Lennox.”
Oh hell to the no.
Galen freezes, and Saint digs his fingers into my hips, but it’s the only outward sign of emotion.
“Alisha was there?” Caz asks what we’re afraid to.
Howie nods. “She told me Sinner forced her to be there. She was pregnant, and he threatened her baby if she didn’t help with the delivery. He blackmailed her into keeping silent about it after, but it tore at her conscience. She wouldn’t talk to me at first, because she was scared, but I followed her one night to a party, and I got her to admit it when she was high.”
Galen buries his face in his hands, and my heart is rupturing behind my rib cage. My guys are in a world of pain, and we need to get out of here. We need to be alone to process all this. How many times will the sins of our parents continue to hurt us?
“This is a lot to take in,” I say. “And I know we have other stuff to discuss,” I tell Howie, “but it has to wait. We need to go.” It’s an effort to keep my tone civil when I want to rip that sniveling bastard limb from limb, but I do it for Saint and for Galen, because they need me to be strong right now.
I climb off Saint, taking his hand and pulling him upright. He hasn’t said one word. Hasn’t made eye contact with anyone, and I’m scared for him. I get that he never knew his mother and he came to terms with her loss long ago, but this has still got to hurt. Sinner lied to him, and now he’s discovered his father is the reason he grew up without his mom. Without love in his life. Saint already despises Sinner, and this will only compound it. He’s a boiling pot of rage waiting to explode, and I’m fearful for what he might do.
“I’m sorry,” Howie says, but it’s a little too late for apologies. “By the time I found Bryant and I got my act together, I had heard enough about you to know it was too late. I thought you were just like him. I was wrong. I should’ve reached out, tried—”
“Shut your fucking face,” Saint spits, whipping his hand from mine. He prods Howie in the chest, pushing him back. “I don’t want your apologies or your pity or your help.” His furious eyes swing in Bry’s direction. “That goes for you too. Stay away from me. Both of you!”
I’m not surprised he’s lashing out or that his natural reaction is to push them away. Bry isn’t at fault. He was in the dark too. But Howie left Saint with a monster. He didn’t fight for his nephew, choosing to believe the worst of him instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. And Saint has survived without them this long, I’m guessing he figures he doesn’t need them in his life.
If I was Saint, I’d be furious, hurt, and disappointed too.
Saint pushes past me, heading for the door.
“Cousin.” Galen reaches for Saint, but he slaps his hand away.
“Don’t!” Saint hisses. “I want to be alone.” He yanks the door open and storms outside.
I race after him. “Saint, wait!”
“Leave him, Lo.” Galen pulls me back as Saint climbs behind the wheel of his Land Rover. “He needs to process this his way.”
Pain stabs me in the chest. “I don’t want him to be alone.”
“He isn’t.” Galen bundles me into his arms. “He has us. He knows that, and he knows we’ll be waiting for him when he’s ready to talk.”
CHAPTER 35
“LO. STOP PACING and come sit down,” Galen says, patting the empty space on the couch beside him.
“He should be home by now.” I ignore Galen, continuing to wear a line in the floor. “It’s almost eleven. I don’t like him being there by himself.”
“We know where he is, and he’ll come back when he’s ready.” Theo attempts to reassure me, and the more they attempt to calm me down, the more irritable I become.
“You’re sure he’s still at the bar?” I inquire, walking to the table where Theo is seated.
“Yes. Look.” He points at the little red dot on the screen. “That’s where his cell phone has been for the past few hours. He hasn’t moved from Molly’s Bar.”
“This is how Saint processes,” Galen explains.
“And it’s better than him going after Sinner because who the fuck knows what he’ll do to him now he knows the truth,” Caz adds.
“Stop it!” I roar, losing the tenuous hold on my emotions. “Stop making excuses. Stop acting like this is okay, because it’s fucking not okay! Ugh!” I pound my fist on the table repeatedly until Theo bravely intervenes.
“We know you’re worried, and it’s not that we’re unconcerned,” he says, uncurling my clenched fist.
“It’s just what Saint does,” Galen adds.
Drawing a deep breath, I try to calm down. “I understand it. I do, because that’s what I usually do too, but things are different now. He has me, and he doesn’t need to be alone with his destructive thoughts.” I never should’ve let him leave by himself. I should’ve listened to my gut. I knew it was a bad idea.
“I can’t believe your mom has known all this time and she said nothing,” Caz says, deliberately sidestepping the topic. He tosses a couple more logs on the fire, fanning fresh flames.
“It’s clear Alisha knows a lot more than we realized,” Theo adds, kissing my knuckles before sitting back down in front of his tablet.