I roll my eyes, more at the fact that he can’t ever seem to do his tie correctly. I get off the bed and come over to him. “Let me.”
His hands drop to his sides, while I take the silky ends of the tie and bring them together at his collar, the hollow of his throat moving as he swallows, his skin still nicely tanned against the white shirt. I can feel his eyes burning on me, the muscles in his jaw tense.
I glance up at him through my lashes and give him a soft smile. “I’m okay. I want to go. I mean, I really want to go. I need to be around people. I need to feel…normal.”
He presses his lips together, nodding softly. “I worry about you,” he says, voice rough, and I know that’s an understatement. He’s got hollows under his eyes now too because of all I’ve been going through.
“I worry too,” I say quietly, looping the end through and making it tie. “But I also know that if I stay in this apartment any longer, I’m going to go insane. More so than I already am.”
It’s been two weeks since the incident with Samantha in the bathroom. We’re well into December now, the holiday season around us in full swing.
It’s been hard to enjoy it.
To enjoy anything, actually.
My life now is nothing but fear.
Since the incident, I’ve seen Samantha many more times.
I’ve seen her while on a walk with Dex and the dog, her figure hovering in the background, walking behind us, trailing us, like a hunter stalking its prey.
I’ve seen her in the mirror behind me in the bathroom, so much so that we had to cover it up with a towel. That was after I smashed the mirror with my fist. I could still see her reflection fragmented in the cracks.
I’ve seen her standing in the corner of the bedroom.
And I’ve seen her crawl out of the fucking kitchen sink.
She hasn’t hurt me yet.
I can’t tell if she wants to or not.
The beautiful Samantha I saw in the apartment is gone, and I don’t know if she’s ever coming back.
Part of me knows she’s trying to reach me, trying to convince me of something. She wants to promise me things and I’m starting to fear that I might not be strong enough to ignore her promises. The other part of me knows she’s manipulative at the very least, and that the demon, the curse, is what’s really in control.
Dex doesn’t always see her, but sometimes he does.
Sometimes that makes things worse.
Like the time I woke up in the middle of the night, lying on my side, facing away from him.
I could tell there was something at the foot of the bed.
I could feel the presence.
And Dex was talking to it.
“Please stay away from her,” he’d said. “I’ll do anything.”
He was pleading with it, the agony and anguish breaking in his voice, which in turn broke me inside. I couldn’t move, couldn’t let him know I was awake.
So I just laid there, listening to him trying to reason with a malevolent shadow that wouldn’t leave until the break of dawn.
We’re both suffering.
And, as a result, the both of us need to get out of here tonight. We need to have a little fun, if that’s even possible.
To be honest, I don’t think it is. I’m too fragile, like I’m not even me anymore, like all that remains is a shell, and even that is cracking. I’m so afraid that I’m just going to give up and let her have whatever the fuck it is that she wants from me.
“There,” I tell him, my voice catching. I tug on the end of the tie and glance up at him. Even though he looks as exhausted as I do, he’s still so goddamn handsome that a few butterflies in my stomach have the strength to flutter.
“I love you,” I tell him.
He frowns, his dark eyes sparking with worry as they search mine.
I put my hand on his face, feeling the warmth of his skin mix with the cool of my palm. “Kiss me,” I tell him.
His eyes drop to my lips and he leans in without hesitation, mouth covering mine, hands going behind my head. I need the reassurance of his kiss, the way it connects us, the way his tongue claims my mouth, tells me that I’m his. Our lips move in an easy rhythm, slow and hungry and sensual, taking our time with each other. Loving each other.
I could kiss him all night.
I could do this forever with him and lose myself and it would be okay, because we would be together and nothing could hurt us. There would only be us.
I’m so scared that I’m going to lose something before it even started.
I don’t want to be scared anymore.
He pulls back, his breath raspy, rubbing the tip of his nose over mine, hands in my hair now, messing up the curls I just put in it. “Stay,” he whispers to me hoarsely. “Let’s just stay.”
I want to. I really want to.
But that’s what we’ve been doing so far.
“We promised Rebecca,” I tell him, running my thumb over his full bottom lip. “We need to go. I need to go.”
He closes his eyes and presses himself against me. “I’m hard as a fucking rock,” he practically begs, the huskiness in his voice sending shivers down my back.
“When aren’t you?” I tease, kissing him quickly. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”
He groans in frustration, running his hands down his face. I almost feel sorry for him. It’s tempting to just fall into bed with each other, but I need to get out of here.
We throw some Milk Bones on the couch for Fat Rabbit and I grab my purse and my leather jacket, slipping on my red velvet heels. Thank god it’s not snowing or raining or they would be totally ruined, and they go with my black velvet strapless cocktail dress perfectly. It’s nice to worry about superficial things.
The party is held in a bar downtown, which is walkable, but we decide to get an Uber, even though the weather is fair. We climb into the back of the car and the minute we pull away from the building, I feel a sense of relief flood through. Maybe it really is the apartment.
“I think we should put it up for sale soon,” I say.
Dex twists in his seat to look behind us as it disappears from view. “We can do that.”
I bite my lip for a moment, glad I hadn’t put on lipstick yet. “You still want everything we talked about?”
Dex slowly brings his eyes to me. “Of course.”
But there something guarded about his gaze.
I’m afraid he’s changing his mind about the baby, but I’m too afraid to press him. Not now, on the way to the party. Not anytime, really.
I think it would destroy the rest of me.
He grabs my hand, holding it. “Tomorrow, let’s find a realtor. Let’s start looking.”
I’m still feeling like glass about to shatter, but he manages to hold me together.
It’s not long until we’re pulling up outside the bar. I’d just texted Rebecca to tell her that we were close and she’s already waiting outside, waving at us happily while smoking a cigarette.
“I would kill for that cigarette,” Dex grumbles as we slide out of the car.
Normally I’d tell him no way, but considering all we’ve gone through, I think he probably deserves a pack.
“You’re here,” Rebecca says excitedly, coming over to hug me. She envelopes me in her perfume, then holds me by the shoulders, looking me up and down. “You look gorgeous. I knew that dress was going to work with you. And those heels.” She inspects my face. “You just need that red lipstick to match. You have the one you bought at Sephora?” Her eyes narrow slightly as she takes me in more closely. “Are you okay?”