I cross my arms and grumble under my breath. I really don’t want Ada to do this, and I’m still holding out hope that Rose will get back to me.
“The second thing,” Dr. Leivo goes on, “is that Samantha wants to possess you in order to free herself. She’s got you at the lowest point possible. You’re already inviting her in. Your hatred for yourself is palpable, and she knows it. When she comes for you again, she won’t be alone, she’ll have that demon with her, and together they will take hold of you and I don’t know what to do after that, I don’t think I’m that powerful.”
My chin jerks back. “Powerful? What are you talking about?”
Since when is my psychologist powerful?
She lets out a soft laugh. “I have so much to tell you and so little time. Let me go on, while I still can. As I said earlier, Samantha wasn’t lying to you. She’s a witch and she can recognize power in others, whether they are witches or not. Like attracts like. She wanted to save you in a way. She kept that curse from getting you for as long as she could. But it owns her, it controls her in the end. So that’s what’s happening.”
“You make it sound like this happens every day,” I say, my chest feeling tighter by the minute.
“Thankfully it doesn’t. And you should know that too. Just because you went into that house, because you went seeking ghosts, doesn’t mean that this was bound to happen. It’s only because it was coupled with your need. I feel your need for a child, Perry, I know how big and strong it is. Had you not been feeling that, I don’t think anything would have happened at all. And you probably wouldn’t have ever been called on by Harry to begin with.”
“So, you’re saying having a baby and seeing ghosts can co-exist?”
“I believe so. But you have got to get a hold of your emotions, for your own sake and everyone else’s sake. I’m afraid that if you don’t, you could, I don’t know…cause planes to fall out of sky because of how angry and or sad you are. And the easiest way is just to talk about them. Let them out before they get too big. Not just with me. With Dex. With Ada. With your father. With everyone you try and keep at arm’s length.”
“So what do I do about Samantha? You said that we can fix it all.”
“I’m almost done,” she says. Her smile is less than patient. “Three, is that you are suffering from clinical depression. It’s normal. It’s especially normal for someone like you, who has been down this road before, and your family history. You have a lot of anger inside you that you haven’t faced, a lot of grief, and you have unresolved trauma from your past that you have not faced.”
I know all of this is true, but it still hurts to hear. “But I’ve been seeing you.”
“I’m a psychologist, Perry. We’ve been working through things together, but until recently I could only go off what you were telling me. And I can’t prescribe medication for you, and I really think you should be on something. With everything going on, especially the loss of the future when it comes to starting a family, all that unknown, it’s really important that we get you medicated and that you start seeing me more often. I’m going to refer you to a psychiatrist, just to get something prescribed for you.”
I nod. “Okay. I can do that.”
“Good.”
“That was the third thing,” I point out. “What can I do about Samantha?”
“It involves your husband,” she says with a wary tone to her voice, as if I’m not going to like what she’s going to say.
“How?”
Oh god, please don’t tell me he has to sleep with the witch!
She smiles faintly. “No, Perry. Don’t worry about that.” She pauses, leaning forward on her elbows again, her gaze searching my face. “You’re very weak right now. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You keep thinking that you’re hanging by a thread, and you are. You can’t keep her out, no matter what you do.”
Well fucking great. So much for being so powerful. It feels like any hope inside me just died.
“But Dex is not weak,” she adds. “He’s under a lot of strain and pressure right now, but he’s not weak. He’s very strong in every single way. Strong enough for the both of you.”
“He can’t protect me from her, though.”
“Yes, he can. But not from where he is. He has to get inside of you.”
My eyes go wide. “Like…sexually?”
Her lips twist to the side. “Not quite.”
Are things about to get really weird here?
“That depends on what you think weird is at this point,” she says. I guess my thoughts are just a free-for-all buffet now. “And how much of an open mind you’re willing to have.”
“I’ll consider anything as long as it has a chance of stopping this,” I tell her. Plus, my mind was literally open enough for her to walk around inside of it.
“Good,” she says simply. “Have you ever heard of sex magic?”
My mind goes back to the sex witch/sex magic conversation I had with Dex about our strange connection.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she says quickly. “I know what you discussed. I know that you have this intense connection between you that is heightened during sex. See Perry, sex isn’t just a physical thing. It has a spiritual and emotional component as well. At least all the good sex should have those three things as a part of it. But you two, well, you know you have something special there, enough so that you got you thinking about what it all means.”
“So, what does it all mean?”
“It means that you have a bond that’s stronger than anything else and the two of you always make sure to keep that connection fused, whether you’re conscious of it or not. This connection has saved you in the past, it will save you now, and it will save you again in the future.”
“The future? What do you mean the future? You can see the future?”
She gives me a tepid smile. “Perry, please. We have to focus on the present or there will be no future.”
She’s got me there.
“Sex magic is something different,” she says. “But your thinking was on the right track. It involves witchcraft.”
My eyes go even wider. “Witchcraft?!” I squeak, as if I want to dabble in that shit now of all times.
“You need to be a witch to fight a witch.”
“I’m not a witch!”
“I know. But with your energy, it really doesn’t matter.”
I blink, not sure what to say.
“Don’t even think of dismissing it yet. I haven’t even gotten to the good part,” she says.
Oh hell.
“Sex magic is using sex to manifest something for yourself,” she explains. “Witches believe that there is divine power in sex, and that’s all very true. What it comes down to though, is the belief and the sharing of energy and using that to make things happen. Traditionally, sex magic can be used as an offering for deity worship, to attain knowledge, to be initiated into a tradition, to raise energy for workings, to empower sexual fluids for magical uses,” I wrinkle my nose at that, “to conceive, to empower a sigil, for healing, for protection, for a lot of things. That last part is the part that interests us.”