I run down the hallway past my father and into my room, slamming the door so hard I swear the entire house rattles.
I don’t even care.
I throw myself on the bed and cry into my pillow so no one can hear me. This has been the wildest day ever. My emotions are all over the place. I shouldn’t have snuck out to see Beck.
But if I hadn’t, then we would’ve never had that magical moment by the lake when he confessed his love for me.
Sniffing, I lift my head and wipe at the tears still streaming down my cheeks, pulling my phone out of my pocket so I can check my messages.
I have a bunch.
All from Beck.
Everything okay? Did she catch you?
Are you all right?
Adds, I need you to text me. Or call me.
I’m worried.
Are you in trouble?
I’m sorry I kept you out so late.
But I’m not sorry for what happened.
I love you.
Please let me know you’re okay.
I smile through my tears, loving that he cares so much. That he’s checking on me and worried that I’m going to get in trouble.
Composing myself, I type out a response to him.
Me: I’m okay. My mom was waiting up for me. We got into a huge argument.
He replies immediately.
Beck: Oh shit. I’m sorry Adds. Is everything okay?
Me: I don’t know. I yelled at her. She never listens to me. She’s always afraid I’m going to end up pregnant like my sister.
Beck: Considering we haven’t done it yet, that’s impossible.
His string of laughing/crying emojis make me smile. I know he’s trying to cheer me up.
Beck: Not for lack of trying though.
I bite my lower lip, wondering if I should ask him the question that’s been lingering in my mind since we started spending time together.
I decide to go for it.
Me: Can I ask you a question?
Beck: Sure.
Me: Did you have sex with Sasha?
Beck: No.
I lean back against my pillow, in shock. I thought for sure…
Me: Really?
Beck: Really. Did you have sex with Jonah?
Me: No.
Beck: Huh.
I’m smiling.
Me: Yeah, huh.
There’s a knock on my door and then it opens, Mom peeking her head around it. Her expression is contrite, and her eyes are full of sadness. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
I give her a tight nod, not speaking.
A sigh leaves her. “I didn’t mean to put all of my worry on you. I guess I can’t help it after what happened with your sister.”
“I’m not Jocelyn, Mom,” I whisper. “Though I don’t think she turned out so bad. Do you?”
Mom actually laughs. “She’s married to a good man who just so happens to be an NFL superstar and is living the dream with their sweet family in Seattle. No, I don’t think she turned out so bad at all.”
I watch as she walks into my room and settles on the edge of my bed, contemplating me. “I just want the best for you, Addison, and I’ve always been a little overprotective of you. You’re my dreamer. The one who believes everyone is good, even when they’re not.”
I think of how I let Emma take advantage of me. How Liam tried to push me around. How frustrated Jonah would get with me when we were together, always trying to tell me what to do.
“I need to stand up for myself more,” I admit.
“And I need to back off more, because you’re right. You are almost eighteen and you can make your own choices. For the most part. I just—I look at you, and still see my baby. My little girl with the big blue eyes and sticky face because you were always sneaking candy when I told you no.” Mom’s eyes fill with tears and mine do too. “I love you, Addie. And I’m sorry if I’ve been comparing you to Jocelyn too much. I worry about you, that’s all. It’s hard to see your babies grow up.”
“I’m sorry I snuck out,” I admit. “I just—I knew you’d tell me no, and I really wanted to see him.”
She wipes at the tears on her face. “You really care about Beck?”
“I’m in love with Beck.” My heart soars at the thought of him. “And he’s in love with me.”
Her expression is thoughtful. “You two always shared a connection, even when you were little. I wondered if it would turn into this. Then he started dating Sasha and I figured you weren’t interested in him either.”
“I’ve always cared about him. And he’s always cared about me. I guess we just weren’t ready to be together yet,” I confess.
“But now you are.”
I smile faintly. “Now we are.”
I think…
I think she gets it.
“You’ve never given me or your father a reason to distrust you. I’ve just been so worried about you having a serious relationship with a boy and having him break your heart, that I kept the shackles on you. When all that does is force you to sneak around and be secretive,” Mom explains. “So it’s time for some new rules, I think.”
“Okay,” I say warily.
“You will always be honest with us in regards to who you’re with and where you’re at.”
I nod. “I can do that.”
“Curfew stands at midnight on the weekends and eleven o’clock during the weekdays,” she continues.
“That’s fine.”
“If you want to have Beck over for dinner sometime, we would like that. We want to get to know him better.”
My heart expands. “I would like that too.”
We sit in silence for a moment, watching each other.
“I’m not in trouble?” I whisper.
Mom slowly shakes her head. “Not this time. I needed the wakeup call, I think. You’re right. I need to let you make your own mistakes, and trust you to do right.”
I throw myself at her, giving her the biggest hug. She holds me tight, squeezing me to her, and I bury my face in her shoulder, breathing in her familiar mom smell. “I’m sorry, Mama. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you mad.”
She runs her hand over my hair. “It’s okay. I love you, Addie. So much. Sometimes maybe too much.”
I let her hold me for a long time, knowing she needs it.
Knowing I need it too.
THIRTY-ONE
ADDIE
I show up at school the next day apprehensive, staying in my car once I park in my regular spot. Tori is knocking on the passenger side window almost immediately and I unlock the door so she can climb in.
“Why do you look so scared?” she asks after she shuts the door, her eyes wide.
“I haven’t talked to Emma since our big blow-up yesterday,” I admit. “I have no idea how she’s going to act toward me.”
Tori rolls her eyes. “She texted me last night, complaining nonstop about Marcus, and I told her if she had nothing positive to say, then I didn’t want to hear it.”
My mouth hangs open. I can’t believe Tori did that. “And what did she say to that?”
“She told me that I was a shit friend and so were you.” Tori shrugs. “And I told her we’re the best friends she has because at least we keep it real with her.”