His admission had made her feel like an idiot and she immediately apologized for trying to put a Band-Aid on a gunshot wound. He’d laughed and told her that she was sweet and he appreciated the effort. Then he’d pulled her into a hug and kissed her on her forehead.
Beside her Josh let out another muffled shout and his body thrashed as he flipped over on his side. Her first instinct was to wake him up, but she had no idea if that was the right thing to do. After he’d told her what he suffered from, she’d googled it trying to find solutions. But that had been so long ago, she’d forgotten what she’d learned. She vaguely remembered reading that you shouldn’t wake up someone having a nightmare, or night terror.
She needed to google it again.
Moving as gingerly as possible so that she didn’t disturb him and accidentally wake him up, she slid off the bed and began looking for her phone when Josh shouted again. She spun around and saw that he was sitting straight up now. His eyes were open, but she had no idea if he was really awake or if he was still asleep.
Thor was now on the bed lying next to Josh. Thor didn’t seem concerned by what Josh was going through which made her think this wasn’t the first time the dog had seen him have an episode.
Audrey still wasn’t sure what to do. Should she say something? Should she remain quiet? If she didn’t say something and he noticed her, would it scare him? What if she did say something and it made him even more agitated?
So many questions were buzzing around her brain like race cars on a track.
Josh began looking around the room with a panicked, wild look in his eyes. But then, slowly, she could see the awareness of where he was dawn on him. He still hadn’t looked in her direction and she figured she should make herself known and ask him what he needed.
“Josh,” Audrey spoke barely above a whisper and squinted as she stepped toward him.
He turned his head and when he saw her, he closed his eyes and exhaled loudly as his shoulders dropped. She wasn’t exactly sure how to interpret that reaction. Was he upset that she was there? Was he relieved that he wasn’t alone?
There was just no way for her to know, so she just waited and didn’t speak for fear she would make the situation worse.
After a few seconds, Josh shifted bringing his legs over the side of the bed, so he was sitting on the edge. His feet hit the wood floor with a thud. He was still breathing heavily as he hung his head down, leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair.
Audrey felt totally helpless standing in the middle of the room doing nothing. Thankfully, she’d pulled on the singles week T-shirt before they’d gone to sleep so at least she wasn’t naked standing in the middle of the room doing nothing. That would be awkward.
Not that this was about her. It wasn’t. This was about Josh, and she wanted to support him in any way that she could. What did someone need after a night terror? Water? A cold rag? A shot of whiskey? She had no idea.
“Do you need anything?” she asked tentatively.
His only response was to reach out one of his arms.
She stepped forward and placed her hand in his. The second their palms touched he clasped her hand and pulled her toward him. She ended up standing between his legs. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed the side of his face to her belly. This wasn’t a normal hug, he was holding her tighter than he’d ever held her before.
She stood perfectly still for a moment, unsure of what to do. She was standing and he was sitting so she couldn’t exactly hug him back. Instead, she lifted her arms and ran her fingers through his hair. His body was vibrating. Literally she could feel his body shaking with what she assumed was unspent adrenaline.
As she stood there, she tried to remember anything she could about the research she’d done. She recalled that it was mainly something that children were affected by, but there were cases where adults were as well. Normally when it presented in adults it was due to a trauma, heavy or long-term stress, or mood-altering mental health issues.
Audrey didn’t know much about his childhood or his time in the Army but she did know that he’d been blown up by an IED and that is why he was medically discharged. She assumed that would be considered a pretty serious trauma. As soon as he got back home his dad passed away while he was still recovering and he had to take over Pine Auto Shop, which she thought would be classified as long-term stress. And she knew that he’d suffered from depression and anxiety which were both considered mood-related mental health issues.
Knowing the cause of night terrors, it didn’t surprise her at all that he had them. It seemed almost inevitable that he would.
His breathing was beginning to slow down, which she thought was a good sign. She wished that she could do something, anything to make things better for him.
She remembered when her mom was sick, at the end, she and Grace were her main caregivers. Ava would get too emotional, and Viv couldn’t even handle seeing their mom in such a weakened state. Grace, who was the oldest, did most of the heavy lifting. Audrey, who was barely fourteen at the time, tried to help as much as she could with their mom but there wasn’t a lot either of them could do except to be there with her while she endured the pain.
That’s exactly how she felt now. Like all she could do was just be there for Josh. If it was up to her, she’d be there for him forever.
As Josh held Audrey tightly, she raked her fingers through his hair which felt comforting and soothing. With her in his arms his heartrate slowly started to return to normal. He’d never had a night terror around anyone before because he never spent the night with women for fear that this would happen.
He’d always assumed that he would be embarrassed if anyone witnessed what he went through, but he wasn’t. Maybe in the morning, when he was thinking clearer, he would be, but right now he just felt grateful that Audrey was there.
Although he wasn’t embarrassed, he did feel bad that he’d woken her up. He knew how precious sleep was to her since four days out of the week she got up before the ass crack of dawn.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized as he lifted his head and looked up at her.
Her brow furrowed as she stared down at him. “For what?”
“For waking you up.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m sorry that you’re still dealing with this.”
He’d told Audrey about his night terrors a few years ago, but it’s not like they talked about it on a regular basis. She’d always been there for him when he talked about his health issues, both mental and physical, but she didn’t bring the subject up and pepper him with questions, which he’d always appreciated. It was probably why she was the only person he felt totally safe sharing personal things with.
Caleb was a great listener, but he would always follow-up on anything they discussed. His friend would check in for status updates, which academically Josh knew was his friend’s way of showing he cared. But it always made Josh feel pressured and on the spot.
And Nonna was old school. She thought the best way for him to “feel better” was to drink water, go for a walk, and eat. That was her cure for anything that ailed you. It wasn’t bad advice, but water, a walk, and food alone weren’t going to cut it.
She didn’t believe in psychologists, therapy, or taking pills to address mental health. Her generation didn’t really discuss, acknowledge, or address any sort of problems in that area. They just ignored their feelings and pushed down whatever issues they were having.