“Um...newsflash, Sparky, not every person with ovaries wants to reproduce.”
That was the same thing that Audrey had said. “I know that.”
“Do you?” Viv’s eyebrows lifted so high they were basically kissing the sky. “Because it seems like you think you know what’s better for her than she does.”
Trying to fight the panic attack that was coming on he took a deep breath. He knew that Viv was just here because she loved Audrey, but he did too. They were on the same team, he just needed to show her that. “She’s never even had a real boyfriend. And I’m…I’m fucked up, Viv. I just…I don’t want her to settle. She needs to know what’s out there.”
“Does she?” Viv’s voice went an octave higher, which was never a good sign. “Does she need to know what’s out there?”
“Yes. That way she’ll know what she wants.”
“Do you know what’s out there?”
“Yeah, I’ve dated peop—”
“No, Sparky, not out there for you. Do you know what’s out there for her?”
Josh stared blankly at Viv, not exactly sure what she was getting at.
She waited and then said, “You don’t? Okay, well, allow me to educate you. Let’s talk about the guys that are out there for Audrey. I’ll give you a few options from the winners I’ve dated over the past six months, and you tell me which one you think is good enough for my sister.
“Do you want her to date a guy for a month, start to really like him and then get a call from the dude’s wife, who is pregnant with twins?
“Or how about a guy who asks her if he can suck her toes before the first drink even arrives at the table.
“Wait, you probably want her to date a dude who asks her out for drinks then sends her the address to a strip club because his ex works there and he wants to make her jealous.”
“Okay, Viv, I get—"
“Oh no!” Viv lifted her hand. “I am not done. Should she date the guy who shows up half an hour late totally wasted and then proceeds to get in a fight with a statue, hit it and break his hand only to send her a text in the morning threatening to sue her for damages because she left his drunk ass crying in a fountain and didn’t take him to the hospital?
“Or do you want her to go out with the guy who sends her a dick pic during dinner because he wants to be honest about how small he is?” She lifted her hands and put them about an inch apart to demonstrate the size. “Yeah, we’re talking micro penis. That’s something you can’t unsee.”
He grinned, even when she was mad at him, she was entertaining.
“Or she could go out with the guy who takes her to a drive-in movie, she thinks everything is going great, she’s eating popcorn, milk duds, and then halfway through the movie she looks over and sees that he has whipped it out and is jerking off beside her.
“Or she could always date the guy who tells her,” Viv lifted her hand, her fingers spread wide, “within five minutes of their date that he’s into bestiality and asks her if she can moo like a cow.”
Josh stared at Viv dumfounded. He’d always thought of Viv as this badass, take charge, woman, and she was all of those things. But he never considered that she had to deal with such losers. “He asked you to moo like a cow?”
“Yeah. And that is seriously just scratching the surface of what’s out there.”
The thought of Audrey being exposed to disgusting men like that made him want to put his fist through the wall. Actually, it made him want to go find her, get on one knee and put Nonna’s ring on her finger. But he wasn’t going to do either one of those things. Because the truth was, she didn’t have experience and he wasn’t going to take advantage of that just because he could.
Josh ran his hands through his hair. “I know that she has a crush on me but...”
“Eeeh,” Viv made a buzzer sound. “Wrong answer. When she was four, she had a crush on you. Now, currently, she is in love with you. I would have thought the past eight years of blind devotion might have tipped you off but it turns out you’re an idiot who has your head so far up your own ass that you missed that.”
Josh was quiet, not sure what to say. “It’s just...it’s complicated.”
“First of all, this is not a Facebook status. Second, no, it’s not. It’s really fucking simple. It comes down to three things. One, do you love my sister?”
“Yes.”
“Two, are you in love with my sister?”
“Yes.”
“And finally, three, if you were with her, would you do everything in your power to make sure she knew that? Would you protect her? Would you care for her? Would you support her in her dreams?”
Viv was right. When she put it like that, he guessed it was really that simple. Not that he would give her the satisfaction and admit defeat. “I think that’s more than three things.”
“Now is not the time to be a smartass,” she replied in a monotone.
Josh just stared at her.
“Okay, fine, there’s no wrong time to be a smartass,” she admitted. “And since you’re being one then I know that you have finally seen the light and you know what you have to do.”
“Do I?”
“Yep, it’s time to go get your girl, Sparky.”
“Sparky?” Josh parroted. Viv considered herself the queen of nicknames but that was definitely not her best work.
“You said spark plugs and it sounded condescending, so I went with it,” she replied defensively. “Don’t change the subject. This isn’t about me. Audrey is headed to the dance at the community center and I think it’s grand gesture time.”
“No. It’s not. Audrey is not a grand gesture girl.”
“Ding, ding, ding. Give the man a prize.” Viv smiled widely as she pointed at Josh. “That was a test. See, you do know my sister. Now take a shower, clean up, and go get her, Sparky.”
If being called Sparky was the price he had to pay to be with Audrey, he’d take it. He’d do anything to be with her. Starting with telling her what an asshat he’d been.
26
“You look smokin’ hot!” Viv whistled as she walked into the community center and looked Audrey up and down.
They were supposed to drive together, but Viv said that she had a quick errand to run so they’d met each other there.
Audrey still couldn’t believe that she’d let her sister talk her into wearing this dress. Audrey never wore tight fitting garments, but Viv had talked her into wearing one of her dresses tonight.
Normally, Viv’s clothes wouldn’t fit Audrey since her sister was built like a real-life Jessica Rabbit, but this dress was a clingy material. It was a sexy take on a little black dress. It had a scoop neck, inch wide straps and was completely backless. The hem hit Audrey just above her knee which was the only reason she’d agreed to wear it, the one thing she’d never do is pull a dress down all night because it was riding up her thighs.
“You look amazing!” Audrey beamed at her sister. And she did.
Viv was wearing a halter neck forest green dress that highlighted her curves and made her red hair pop. She was a showstopper, truly.