“Yeah, I know but…I don’t know… I just figured that you two had…you know that he was experimenting or something.”
“We didn’t.”
Audrey could see that this news was mind-blowing to Viv. Like seeing the aurora borealis or the Matrix for the first time mind-blowing.
“Anyway, that’s what’s wrong. I’m going to be fine. I’m just hurt. I don’t know why he would tell me to date other people this week.” Audrey shook her head. That was the part that confused her the most. It had seemed like such a one-eighty. “I’m not going to do that, though. But I am going to the dance because, well, you know how much I love to dance—”
“Hold the fucking phone,” Viv cut her sister off and Audrey saw fire starting to light in Viv’s eyes. “So let me get this straight. You are telling me that Joshie boy knew you were a virgin, popped your cherry and then told you to go bang other people?”
“Viv, no,” Audrey warned.
She knew that look. Whenever Viv got that look, bad things happened.
“No what?” her sister asked.
“Whatever you’re planning on doing. No.” Audrey knew that her sister was fiercely protective of her, but she was a big girl. She could take care of herself. She did not want Vivien making a scene or saying something to Josh that embarrassed her.
“I’m not planning on doing anything.”
Audrey narrowed her eyes at her sister.
“I’m not!” Viv raised her voice for the first time.
“Shh,” Audrey shushed her just as the door opened.
“Hey, is everything okay?” Tessa asked carrying what looked like a towel that had cleaned up wine, clearly surprised to see the two of them huddled in the corner.
“Yep. Everything is peachy-fucking-keen.” Viv gave Tessa a thumbs up.
Audrey just wanted to sneak out the back door, go to her car, drive home, curl up on the couch and cry, but she knew if she did that people would talk. This was Hope Falls, by morning everyone would know that Audrey and Viv had been hiding in the laundry room and then Audrey left book club without even a glass of wine.
So instead of doing what she wanted to do, she put on a brave face and allowed Viv to thread her arm through hers and walk her into a room filled with women who had their happily-ever-afters. Instead of being jealous, Audrey decided to look around the room and take hope. If the Hope Falls effect had worked on all of them, maybe, just maybe it would work on her too.
25
“Don’t look at me like that.” Josh reached beside Thor to grab the spark plug gapper.
The dog whined as he looked up at him with the biggest puppy dog eyes known to mankind.
“I miss her, too,” he sighed rubbing Thor’s head.
It had been four days since he’d left Audrey’s house in the early hours of the morning. He’d done the right thing. At least that’s what he kept telling himself.
When they’d woken up the morning after spending the night together, he’d started kissing her neck and she told him she had to run to the bathroom real quick. When she did, he sat up and that’s when he saw them.
His sunglasses. The ones he’d given her when he was eight years old down by the river. They were on her dresser next to some jewelry. He stood and walked over and when he picked them up, he saw pictures she had of Audrey and him. One was from three years ago when their bowling team won the championship. Another was from the time Tessa Maguire, who was a photographer, had asked them to pose for some promo thing she was doing. And the third was from Nonna’s ninetieth birthday.
As he looked at the pictures and held the glasses in his hand, he realized something. Audrey hadn’t had any other relationships. Not real ones. He’d always known that she had a crush on him. But seeing the evidence of her feelings was a totally different reality. That’s when it hit him. She’d never been with anyone else. Never even dated anyone.
She’d obviously built Josh up in her mind for years, but she had nothing to compare him to. He knew that would never be sustainable. Even if, by some miracle, they actually did get together, how long would it last? Once the excitement and newness of their relationship wore off, once the reality of his physical limitations presented itself, then what?
It wasn’t fair of him to expect her to accept him, flaws and all, if she didn’t even know what else was out there. She needed to date. She needed to see if he was actually who she wanted.
An urgency washed over him that what was happening between them wasn’t right. He couldn’t trap her in a relationship. The thought of her getting bored and leaving him or worse staying with him because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings triggered his fight or flight instinct.
He chose flight.
When she walked out of the bathroom and saw that he was getting dressed her face dropped and it took his heart and stomach with it. He hated disappointing her, but it was inevitable that he would. It was better to rip the Band-Aid off now than wait until they were in a committed relationship only to have it implode.
He’d told her that she needed to date other people and she’d agreed, which supported the fact that he’d done the right thing. If not, she would have said that she didn’t want to date other people.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he heard Viv’s voice and he lifted his head.
Viv was standing at the edge of the garage in a green dress that matched her eyes, which were staring at him like Frank had stared at Thor when they showed up at Audrey’s house.
He was pretty sure Viv’s question had been a rhetorical one, but he answered anyway. “Replacing spark plugs.”
She ignored his response and asked, “So, what was the plan exactly?”
“The plan?” he repeated.
“You know, the plan where you pop Audrey’s cherry and then tell her to go have sex with randos.”
“What?” He shook his head. “No. That’s not what—”
“That’s exactly what you did,” Viv took a step forward, pointing her finger toward his chest.
Josh continued shaking his head, knowing that nothing he could say would make it better, but still wanting her to understand. “I didn’t tell her to go have sex with randos. I told her she should date. I just want what’s best for her. She deserves better than me.”
“Yeah.” Her arms flew in the air. “No shit, Sherlock! That’s fucking obvious. No one is good enough for her. But that’s not the point. She wants you, so sack up, Sparky. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go get the girl.”
Josh could see that Viv wasn’t getting his point. He tried to explain it in a way that she would understand. “Viv, she deserves someone who isn’t broken. Someone who can give her everything she wants.”
Viv crossed her arms. “Oh, okay. Well, then enlighten me. What does my sister want?”
Josh felt his anxiety building up and his mind blanked, so he said the first thing that came to mind. “A family. I know she says she doesn’t want kids but—”
“But what? You think she doesn’t know who she is and what she wants?”
“No. I’m just saying that she would make such an amazing mom and—"