“Rationally, I know that. But practically…” She traces the rim of her glass with a finger. “As mothers, we tend to hold on to a lot of guilt. Goes with the territory. Do you still feel lost, even now?”
“Especially now,” I say.
“Maybe I can help.”
“How?”
She goes over to a cabinet and pulls out photo albums. She places one in front of me. “It’s selfish of me to want you to think of me as your mother, but there’s nothing that says these guys can’t be your brother and sisters.”
Selfish of her? She wants me to think of her as my mother?
“Look here,” she says, opening one. “Charlie looked like you as a baby. Then again, sometimes I think I was imagining things. I never had a picture of you to compare it to. All I had was my memory of holding you. It could be that having another little girl just brought back all those feelings.”
I touch the picture. “You didn’t imagine it. She does look like me. I’ll have to show you my photo albums. You can see for yourself.”
“I would love that more than anything.”
I turn the page and see Piper holding baby Charlie. The look on Piper’s face in the picture says it all.
“It must be hard for you to see this,” she says. She puts a hand on mine. “I looked at you the same way, you know. And I promise you I love you just as fiercely as I love the three of them.” She sees my eyes well with tears and closes the album. “I apologize. You probably don’t want to hear about all this.”
“No, I do. I want to hear all of it.”
“Well then” —she tops off our wine— “settle in, because I have a lifetime of things to tell you.”
I wake up in a strange bed. I roll over and peruse the room. Would this have been my room had I grown up here? I sit up, my heart still heavy, but at least I feel like I can get out of bed today. The only thing that got me out of bed the past few days was knowing I had to get home. To my friends. Tag. My house and the memories of Dad.
The smell of food draws me downstairs. On the dining room table are stacks of pancakes, a large platter of eggs, and enough bacon and sausage to feed an army. I turn the corner into the kitchen. “How much do you think I’m going to eat?” I stop when I see Hailey, Griff, and Charlie.
Piper takes a pitcher of juice to the table. “They like to sleep at Hailey’s, but she can’t cook worth anything.”
Griff sees the photo albums we left out last night. “Jeez, Mom. You didn’t subject her to all those, did you?”
“She did,” I say. “And I’ve never seen a more adorable pee-wee quarterback.”
He rolls his eyes and fills his plate with eggs.
Mason comes in from the garage. “Hey, Amber. Nice to see you.”
“You too.”
We all sit and eat breakfast as if it’s something we’ve done a thousand times before. Nobody tiptoes around me or goes out of their way to do things. In fact, Charlie complains that I took the last pancake. I try to give it back, but she laughs and pulls out two she was hiding in her lap.
Mason and Piper talk about an upcoming social gathering. Griff says he wants to get a job mowing lawns to make extra money.
It’s all so perfectly normal.
And for the first time, I realize how much I like it.
Piper sees me smiling and smiles back. We broke a lot of ground last night. Got into new territory. Connected in a way we never have before. And now, sitting here, I feel a part of something. Part of a family. A family I didn’t even know I wanted to be a part of.
Then the smile fades when I remember the other family I wanted to be a part of. The family that can never be. Because at this very moment, Josie could be waking up in a strange crib, at a strange house, with strangers watching her.
“You okay?” Piper asks.
I nod.
“You can stay as long as you like.”
“I have to go home today. I’ve been away long enough.”
She wipes her mouth, gets up from the table, and hands me a big box that was sitting on the hutch.
“What’s this?” I ask.
“Something I made for you. Open it.”
I take off the lid and see one of my father’s shirts. Confused, I pull it out of the box and realize the shirt is part of a quilt.
“I hope you don’t mind,” Piper says. “I took the liberty of taking some of your dad’s shirts out of the boxes we packed a few months ago. I thought you should have something to remember him by.”
Memories bombard me as my hand runs over the various shirts. His favorite scrub tops. The Hawaiian shirt he got on vacation. Some golf shirts. An old T-shirt that reads ‘When in doubt, cut it out.’ He did love stupid surgeon memes. I can almost smell him even though they’ve clearly been laundered. “I don’t know what to say. This is amazing. I’ll treasure it always. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She puts a motherly hand on my shoulder before stacking some dirty plates.
I help clear the dishes, as does everyone. It’s a family effort to clean up. It’s not even a chore. They make it seem fun. And I know I won’t be waiting another ten years to knock on their door.
Piper follows me out. “How are Fridays for you?”
“Fridays?”
“To get together and have lunch. A standing reservation. We can alternate weeks. One week I’ll go to Calloway Creek, and the next you can come to the city. Unless you think I’m being too pushy. But I have to say, last night was one of the best nights of my life. I don’t want to lose that.”
“Like I said, I think I need a little pushy. And Fridays sound great.”
“I’ll come to you next week. Does noon work? We can eat in, and you’ll show me those photo albums.”
“Perfect.”
“Amber?” she says as I go through the door. “Thank you for coming here and trusting me with your feelings. It’s a gift I’ll always cherish.”
“No, thank you,” I say, walking down the front steps. I turn back and watch her retreat into the house. “Mom,” I whisper under my breath.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Quinn
Josie’s cries wake me but I don’t care. I couldn’t give a shit if she wakes me at five in the morning, because she’s here. And she’s mine. I roll to the edge of the bed and gaze proudly at her in the portable crib I set up on the floor. “Morning, JoJo. It’s hard to sleep well in a strange place, isn’t it?” I pick her up and pull her onto my chest. I put a hand on her diaper and gently bounce her against me. She almost always goes back to sleep when I do it. After she drifts off, I carefully put her on the bed next to me and watch her sleep.
Then I eye the empty space beyond her, wishing Amber was filling it.
There’s a soft knock on the door, and Sophie pops her head in. “Want me to take her?” she whispers.
“She fell back to sleep. But can you stay with her for a while?”
She crosses the room and sits on the bed. “Yeah, sure. I know you have a lot to do.”
“I can’t thank you enough for your help. Seriously, Sophie, you’ve gone way above and beyond. The raise I gave you doesn’t seem like enough.”