“Yes, of course.” I have a hard time not breaking down in tears. Josie can be mine!
I get up to leave. Halfway to the door, she stops me. “You’ll have to tell her one day. You can’t keep this from her.”
I think of Amber. “I know.”
“Just make sure that when you do, she knows she’s been loved as much as any child could be.”
I nod. “You can bet on it.”
I may be a grown-ass man, six-foot-one and two hundred pounds, but I’m crying like a fucking girl before I even make it back to my truck.
“Come on, Josie,” I say. “Let’s go home.” I secure the car seat in the back, then I take a minute to look at my surroundings in downtown Fort Worth. It’s like I’m seeing the world with new eyes. I pop my head into the back. “No, JoJo, we’re going someplace better than home.”
Chapter Thirty-six
Amber
Three days of driving. Two sleepless nights. One pitiful woman.
Quinn tried to call me fifteen times on Tuesday. Then… nothing. Not a voicemail, email, or text. Part of me didn’t think he’d give up so soon, but we really weren’t together all that long. A few months. I suppose that should make it easier to get over.
Should.
Doesn’t.
Not for me, anyway. I had to go and ruin another relationship that could have turned into something. Not that I’ve ever had one with a man before now. But I could have had one with Piper.
I see a sign for New York City. Calloway Creek is to the north. I’m almost home. My bed is calling after such a long, painful journey. I want to crawl into it and stay there until the hurt goes away. But I make a split-second decision when I see the third exit for the city. I get off the interstate and change my destination.
An hour later, I’m exhausted and knocking on a red door. I’ve never knocked on this particular door before. Piper answers. She sighs when she sees me. “I’ve been so worried. Aaron called a few days ago and told me what happened. I tried to call you. I’m sorry, Amber. Nobody should have to go through that.”
“You did,” I say. “You went through it.”
“Sadly, I guess it’s one thing we have in common now.” She opens the door wide and lets me in. “Come on, I’ll make us some coffee.”
“Do you have anything stronger?”
“I do. What’ll you have?”
I shrug. “Wine?”
“I’ll open a bottle. Are you hungry?”
“No.” I glance around at the quiet house. “Where are Griff and Charlie?”
“Spending the night at Hailey’s. They love her loft apartment over by Central Park.”
“And Mason?”
“Out with friends. Were you hoping to see them?”
I shake my head. “No. It’s for the best. I’m a wreck.”
“You’re beautiful,” she says. “Your eyes are a little puffy. Nothing a good night’s sleep can’t fix. We’ll drink this, then I’ll make up the guest bed. You must be tired.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“Are you kidding? You’re never an imposition.” She pours the wine. “And while I hate the reason that brought you here, I’m not ashamed to tell you how long I’ve waited for the day when you’d seek me out for, you know…”
“Motherly advice?”
She nods.
“I could use a little of that right now.”
“Shoot.”
I thought I was all cried out, but just thinking about Josie again has the waterworks starting. I laugh pathetically. “This is crazy. I only knew her for a short time. Why am I like this?”
“Because you fell in love with her.”
“I didn’t mean to. It just happened. But somehow, I think I’ll love her my whole life.”
“You will.”
“How do you know?”
Her eyes get misty. “Because I’ve loved you all of mine.”
“You have?”
“Of course I have. Amber, you were her mother for almost six weeks. It doesn’t matter if you’re a mom for six decades or sixty minutes; once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother.”
“I’ll never know what happened to her. There will be no adoption registry I can use in eighteen years. I’ll have no way of knowing anything.”
“Sometimes it helps to make things up. I did. Not right away, because I was a teenager and had to figure myself out first. But later, after Mason and I found each other, I’d lie awake at night and talk to him about you. I’d make up stories about your life. I knew your parents were in the medical field, so I’d dream of you going to Harvard and becoming a world-renowned doctor. Or I’d pretend you took after me and got the acting bug and was the star in your community theater. Sometimes I’d dream you went on to become an actress on TV who I could watch every week. Or a mother who had ten kids she loved fiercely. Or the CEO of your own company who was breaking glass ceilings.”
“How long did you do that?”
“Until the day we met.”
“You never had dreams for me after?”
“Only one.” She takes a long drink. “That you and I would be close someday.”
Guilt eats at me. I’m the one who’s kept us apart. “I’m sorry that hasn’t happened.”
“Hey now, I don’t know when you think someday is, but who’s to say it’s not today? Then again… I don’t want to push.”
“Maybe I could use a little pushing.”
She smiles. “Well then, I hope you don’t mind if I hug you. Because I really want to hug you right now.”
“I don’t mind.”
She puts down her wine and wraps me in her arms. It’s the first time we’ve ever hugged. It feels nice. Comfortable. It feels like coming home.
“Josie’s mother was raped.”
She hugs a little tighter. “I know.”
“And her mom is dead.”
“There are a lot of parallels. I can see why you connected with her so deeply.” Piper wipes a tear and pours us another glass.
“She’s going to have a hard time. She’ll question who she is and why she’s here.”
Piper moves aside my hair and looks at my tattoo. “She’ll feel lost, like you.”
“I didn’t know you knew.”
“You were twenty-two. You had finally agreed to come to Sunday brunch and meet the family. Charlie was four. She spilled her juice, and when you leaned down to wipe it up, your hair fell to the side. I couldn’t believe you had a tattoo behind your ear like I did. I snapped a picture without you knowing.”
“How come you’ve never brought it up before?”
“Because I never felt like you were ready to talk about it.”
“I saw yours the day we met. Maybe that’s why I got mine where I did.”
“It’s interesting, don’t you think? You were the reason for mine, and in many ways, I’m the reason for yours.”
“I never wanted you to feel guilty about what you did. You did the right thing. It’s the men who hurt you that are at fault.”