“My sister, Alessa. She always has my back. She’s my voice of reason,” I reply, missing my sister.
“Okay, so next time you’re in a situation and you hear that harsh voice in your head, I want you to take a breath. Ask yourself either, what Alessa would say in such a situation or what advice you would give a friend. I’d like to hear all about what happens in our next session. And I’d also like you to try to get to know some people. It can be one person to start. I don’t want you holed up in that dorm room doing schoolwork all the time. Heartbreak can have a very serious impact on the body. I want you to give yourself grace. Most people fall apart when someone they deeply care about hurts them. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong. It doesn’t mean you should’ve known. Your heart was in the right place. The deception was on Tristan, not on you. I want you to consider these words and let me know what you think next time,” she says.
“Thank you, Dr. Robinson.”
“See you next week, Lili.”
With that I leave her office. I feel better, lighter than when I walked in.
TWENTY-TWO
Liliana
I’m sitting in the dining hall in my dorm, digging into some crumby plate of pasta, when I see Cait. I totally ignored her the night I held a meeting for our floor, and she didn’t call me out on knowing me. She even went along with my ruse of never meeting her before and totally acted like we didn’t know each other. Her roommates are friendly and nice. They keep trying to invite me out with them to bars around campus and I’ve given them every excuse in the book.
Dr. Robinson’s words resonate. I came here for a fresh start, but I’m not giving myself a chance at making a life here with how shut down I’m being. I take my backpack and place it on my shoulder and then I walk over my plate of pasta to where Cait is sitting on her own.
“Mind if I join you?” I ask her. She’s wearing AirPods and she removes them.
“Sorry, did you say something?” she asks with a smile.
“You want some company?” I ask awkwardly holding my plate while waiting.
“Sure. Take a seat.” She waves to the chair across from her. She smiles and seems easygoing, at least I got that vibe from her in Hawaii.
I place my backpack on the empty chair beside me and take a seat across from her. “The food sucks,” she complains.
“It really does. I’m forcing myself to eat this because I don’t want to go to bed hungry,” I agree, rolling my eyes and taking a bite of pasta. I don’t know how this place screwed up a basic dish like pasta, but it has no taste at all.
Cait bobs her head and digs into a salad.
Then I just go for it. “Sorry about the other night. I was kind of caught off guard when I saw you here. I didn’t mean to act like I didn’t know you but. . .”
“You had no clue Logan went here, did you?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No, and when I saw you, I realized there was a good chance he was here too,” I explain.
“And now you’re working with him. What a small world.” She smiles and takes a bite of her salad.
“You probably know my dad is his coach.” I wince.
She nods.
“It’s better for everyone if we act like Hawaii never happened,” I say carefully. “My dad made it clear to the guys I’m employed by the Dragons, and in my contract, it states I’m not allowed to have any type of relationship.” I clear my throat. “With any of them.”
“I know the contract,” she replies, surprising me. “I was a tutor last year for some of the team members. Actually, I tutored Noah. He’s my boyfriend. The one. . .”
“I know Noah. I’m working on his social media,” I reply.
“He totally sucks about posting things. He doesn’t like the public aspect of being a Division One player,” she explains.
“Yeah, I got that vibe from him. Logan seems to be the same way,” I say dryly.
“Anyway, don’t worry about the contract. I mean Logan is out of here in the spring anyway.” She shrugs.
“It’s not just the contract. I let my family down, and my tuition is costing an arm and a leg. I need to focus on school. I don’t have time for any distractions,” I explain carefully since she is Logan’s friend.
“That’s too bad. I got the feeling Logan really liked you, and he’s picky as hell,” she states. I’m getting the impression Logan wasn’t lying in Hawaii. He isn’t a player like the rest of the guys. I watched the bunnies descend on them this past weekend in Buffalo and Logan wasn’t having it, even though he could’ve easily taken any one of those girls to bed. I watched him shoot down a girl who was probably the prettiest one there.
“I kind of lost a full year of school and gave up a scholarship back in Boston. I really need to focus on my academics right now, and with me working for the team, it’s better if Logan and I maintain a professional relationship.”
“Cool. I don’t mean to put my nose where it doesn’t belong. Whatever makes you happy, Lili,” she says. I don’t know what makes me happy anymore. That’s the problem. Although, I was happy in Hawaii with Logan.
“Would you mind continuing our little ruse and acting like we just met? I don’t want anyone on campus finding out about Hawaii. It could get back to my father,” I say quietly.
“I won’t tell a soul,” Cait replies, making a hand motion of turning her hand by her mouth like her lips are sealed.
“Thanks.” I exhale.
Olivia and Luna walk up to our table holding food.
“I’m starving,” Olivia says, putting a plate of chicken and rice on the table.
“I think anything would be better than this pasta,” I gripe.
“Oh, girl. Never get the pasta. It’s never done right. It’s always mushy and tasteless,” Luna says.
“You’re totally right.” I scrunch my nose. “I’ll remember that for next time.
Olivia and Luna dig into their food. Both of them talk fast, taking turns telling us about their day.
“You girls going to join us tonight? We’re headed to The Firken,” Olivia asks looking between Cait and me.
“They always invite me out with them because they’re sweet, but I rarely go to bars,” Cait explains. “It’s not my thing, but you should totally go with them,” she urges me.
“I don’t know if it’s my thing either,” I admit, looking at all the girls. I bite my lip. Back in Boston I enjoyed hanging with friends at a bar occasionally. It was nice to get out and relax after working so hard. Dr. Robinson’s words resonate. I need to make myself a life here. Alessa would tell me to go out and make friends. I have to stop thinking everyone is going to eventually hurt me. That can’t be true.
“So…” Luna watches me with raised brows. Then she points to her chicken. “It’s really not bad.”
My goal is to try and make a friend this week. That’s what Dr. Robinson prescribed. I feel like a preschooler scared to get her feet wet in the wading pool. Still, I need to take the plunge. I can’t live within the four walls of my dorm room, and I barely ever see my suite mates since we are on different schedules. I’m starting to feel lonely, and I don’t like it one bit.