TWENTY-FOUR
Liliana
“I can’t believe we haven’t spoken all week,” I say, pacing the small confines of my room.
“I know, I feel terrible,” my sister replies. “The semester started out with a bang. You know I have the TA position too. I was marking assignments and meeting with groups and ugh.”
“It’s only a few weeks into the semester, you need to take a deep breath and just relax,” I urge her.
“Who are you? And what have you done with my sister?” she asks pointedly.
“Funny,” I say. I deserve the comment though. Everything about my life has been centered on succeeding and hard work. That’s what Papa taught us to do to survive. Until I failed. “I’ve had a few sessions with my therapist now. She’s getting me to see things a little differently.” I twirl a lock of hair between my fingers.
“Mind elaborating?” Alessa asks.
I fall back on my bed and stare at the ceiling.
“She made me realize how critical I am of myself. And. . .”
“What?” Alessa asks.
“I kind of feel bad to say the next part,” I admit.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Alessa says softly.
“It’s about Papa,” I say carefully.
“There are no secrets between us,” she assures.
“My therapist brought to my attention how tough Papa is on us. When she asked me to think of the critical voice in my head, I realized it was his,” I say and then I wait for Alessa’s response.
“Papa is hard on us,” she suddenly says. “He treats us like he does his players, only difference is he trains his players during games and practices. We’ve lived with his hard-ass attitude all our lives. I know he can put the pressure on, but at some point, I told myself I can only be the best I can be for myself. Papa may not like my choices, but they’re mine at the end of the day. It’s me who has to live with them and that’s fine by me.”
“Um. . . I didn’t realize you felt this way. Talking about our parents in a negative light feels so wrong,” I say to her.
“Maybe it’s wrong, but you can’t suppress how you feel. Papa made you feel bad over Tristan. I didn’t realize how much of an impact he had, or else I would have told you his opinion is hogwash. There was no way you could’ve detected what was going on. I saw Tristan with you, the asshole looked smitten over Christmas, and not a week later you caught him. There was nothing wrong with you, mija. If I knew you felt this way, I would’ve clarified for you a year ago.”
“Thank you for saying it now,” I sigh. “I was closed down, so don’t go blaming yourself. Therapy has been eye-opening. Dr. Robinson, that’s my therapist, also told me the end of an important relationship can feel a lot like grief, and I had to go through the stages. It’s taken me time,” I share.
“But you sound better,” Alessa says cheerfully.
“I feel better,” I agree. “I’ve hung out with those girls I told you about . . . Cait, Olivia, and Luna a few times already and I went with Logan for coffee on campus.”
“Logan, huh?” I knew she would catch on his name.
“Relax, we’re friends now,” I say to her pointedly.
“Friends is good.” Her voice goes high.
I laugh and shake my head. Alessa has been Logan’s number-one fan from day one but there is no way I want anything with him, even if I have a hard time forgetting the way we were in Hawaii.
I look at my watch. “I got to go. I have a class in twenty minutes on the other side of campus.”
“Love you,” Alessa says.
“Love you too,” I reply, and we end the call.
I scramble to get my boots and jacket on, and then I make sure my laptop is in my backpack before running out the door. I walk across campus at a fast pace and make it to my class a couple minutes early. The girl beside me starts chatting, and I figure it’s good to have a friend in the class since we could help each other if questions come up.
During the lecture my phone buzzes. I take a quick look to see a message from Logan. Warmth fills my chest, but I choose to believe it’s because I’m happy we are friends.
Logan: Meet me at Coffee Bean at 4:30?
This is my last class of the day.
Me: Sure
After class, the girl beside me tells me her name and we exchange numbers. I take that as a positive. It hasn’t been easy getting back on my feet, but ever since I went to Hawaii things have been looking up. I no longer feel down. Being with Logan made me realize I wasn’t broken and could still very much enjoy sex. Now at Westfall I’m making new friends and putting myself out there. My weekly therapy sessions are helping me to see things in a different light. I’m willing to open up more with the people around me. That may be a small group, but it’s a win. I’m just not ready for a romantic relationship.
I walk down a well-lit path after class to get to Coffee Bean. When I arrive, Logan is sitting at a table. He gives me a small wave and stands. “Have a seat. I can grab us something to drink. I didn’t want to bother you with too much texting while you were in class.”
He’s so sweet and considerate.
“I can grab something for both of us,” I offer.
“Sit down, Lili, and take a load off. You look frozen,” he chuckles.
“Okay, thanks.” I take off my hat and scarf then my jacket. When I touch my cheeks, they feel practically numb.
“What can I get you?” he asks, watching me.
“A regular coffee would be great. I have studying to do tonight.”
“Coffee it is.” He heads off toward the line and I take out my laptop to check my schedule.
He returns with the coffee.
“Thanks.” I smile and wrap my hands around the warm mug. “How was your game this week?” I ask.
“So-so. We won but only by one point. It was a tough game.” His brows furrow. “I thought you would be there.”
“I wanted to, but I had a paper to work on,” I explain.
“Well, the guys have been talking about your little mock interviews. They said they were chill and getting lots of hits,” he says.
“Thanks, yeah. I’m happy with how the first bunch turned out. I’ve never worked with athletes before, but it’s fun, I’m enjoying it a lot.”
“And you’re super good at it. You’ve upped all our followers and our views.” He smiles, watching me with interest maybe.
“What can I say, I’m a girl with many talents.” The minute those words escape me I blush, because of the hidden meaning, but I hope Logan doesn’t catch on. Then he smiles bashfully, and yup, I guess he can’t get Hawaii out of his head either. We had some hot nights there. I clear my throat. “I still need to film you and Noah. I think we’re scheduled for tomorrow,” I say, hoping to divert the conversation.
“Yeah, I’ve got you down. In the media room, right?” he asks.
“Yup.” I nod.
“It’s nice to see you’re liking Westfall. It really is a great place.”
“Is that why you’re checking out early?” I joke. Turns out, even though he’s a senior, he’s a year younger than me since he fast-tracked his degree.