He picks up after a couple of rings. Spring break is starting on Friday for most students, and I’m pretty sure Poppy left early to be with him.
“Logan, I thought you’d be getting ready to hit the road soon,” he says instead of hello.
I press the heel of my hand into my eyes. “I need you to take a seat,” I tell him.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” He sounds panicked.
“I’m fine, but you aren’t going to like what I’m about to say.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “I’m sitting, now spill it.”
“I got caught in a compromising position with Lili,” I begin.
“I thought you said you two would just be friends for now,” he asks, confused since he warned me about staying away from her.
“We were just friends, but it was hard to keep it that way. We began sneaking around,” I confess.
Declan huffs and curses into the phone.
“I couldn’t stay away from her, Dec. I tried, believe me I tried,” I say and tears begin to stream my cheeks. “A cop who knows Coach Ramirez caught us in his car and he told him what he saw. The cop recognized me, and shit, Ramirez was furious. He was so angry. He asked me to look out for her and. . .”
“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” Dec asks for clarification.
“You know Lili was working PR for team,” I say.
“Ah huh.”
“All the guys were hitting on her, and Coach asked me to keep an eye out. He figured he could trust me the most out of everyone because he knew I didn’t get around. I kind of told him I would and then he catches me with his daughter. He wanted to suspend me but said it didn’t make sense at this point of the season, so he’s benched me for the first game of Hockey East and he needs to talk to Darren about what to do.”
“Darren knows you two were together in Hawaii,” Declan states.
“Darren warned me to be careful. I feel like such an idiot. I really fell for her, and I couldn’t stay away, and now it could cost me everything,” I say. I stand and pace and then pull on the strands of my hair with my one free hand.
“Someone needs to explain to Coach Ramirez that you met Lili in Hawaii before you even knew she was his daughter,” Declan says.
“Lili and I both tried explaining it to him, but he wasn’t willing to listen. She’s his daughter, and he feels like he needs to protect her. Damn, I understand him but. . .”
“Let me see what I can do,” Declan says. Coach Ramirez was his coach too but there is no reasoning with the man. I saw his unwillingness to even listen. He won’t budge. “I’m calling Darren. He might be able to get through to him. You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t know who she was and by the time you did, you already had feelings for her,” my brother says.
“Yeah,” I agree.
“Sit tight. Let me make some calls,” Declan says.
We end the call, but I’m not an idiot. I know my brother can’t fix this mess. It’s me who needs to get through to Coach. I just don’t know how.
I try to text Lili.
Me: Can we please talk? I’m sure if we show your father how much we mean to each other he’ll back off.
A few seconds pass and I see the balls rolling on her end. The fact she’s replying so quickly gives me hope.
Lili: You need to forget about me, Logan. Move on with your life. Follow your dreams and let me follow mine.
Me: You can’t mean that.
Lili: I’m sorry to hurt you, but I told you from the start I wasn’t equipped to deal with anything serious. It was fun while it lasted.
I stare at her words like they carry venom and I’ve been stung. I don’t want to believe her, yet her words say it all. I was fun to her. A good lay. The best sex she ever had. I just can’t believe I didn’t mean more.
I fall back on my bed, feeling like my world is ending, while thinking of Lili and how she must have felt when she saw her ex balls deep in her friend. I now understand how that broke her because I can’t picture my future without Lili in it.
THIRTY-NINE
Liliana
“Would you say something?” Papa asks as he gives me a ride home from Westfall. I wasn’t going to accept the lift but after Papa found out about Logan and me, my emotions were all over the place and I need Mama’s shoulder to cry on. Papa was heading home for the night before the tournament was starting so I relented and accepted the ride, wanting to save the bus fare home. It didn’t mean I wanted to talk to him or work things out. He is being irrational and Logan is paying for it. My eyes remain glued, staring out the car window, watching the freezing rain fall in silver slits as my chest feels like a noose is squeezing out my breath.
Papa sighs and the rest of the ride is silent. When we reach the driveway, I can’t get out of the car fast enough. I wanted to call Mama and give her a heads-up on what happened with Logan, but she wasn’t picking up the phone earlier. Once Papa puts the car in park, I shoot out of the front seat like a bullet. I open the back door to get the bag I packed for my week at home and hoist it on my shoulder. I walk swiftly across the wet, slippery driveway as the mix of rain and wind whips at my cheeks. Before I even get to the door, Mama is standing there holding it open. The moment I get into the house, I drop the bag and wrap my arms around her neck. Papa is still unloading whatever he needs from the car.
“He knows about me and Logan,” I whisper in her ear.
She pulls back and looks at me with concern. Then Papa comes into the house. I release Mama, take off my boots, and grab my bag, heading straight for my room. I don’t know how long it has been since Papa has been home, but I figure I would give them time alone and while I do, I sit back on my bed and cry. I really screwed things up this time but it isn’t only affecting me, it hurt Logan, which makes me feel sick inside. Putting his future at risk because I couldn’t seem to be able to stay away from him was selfish. Yet, from the start in Hawaii I found his advances hard to resist. When I first saw him on the plane, I hated how handsome he was. How nice he seemed. I hated I felt something inside me I hadn’t felt for a long time. Initially, it was physical attraction. Then Logan somehow melted away the parts of me that had turned bitter and closed off, and I simply couldn’t resist him. He was too nice. Too handsome for his own good. And to top it off, he was a virgin, and he chose me out of every girl who had fallen at his feet. Was I not supposed to feel special? Was I supposed to reject his advances when being with him was a healing balm? He put my broken pieces back together and showed me there was something so much better than what I had with Tristan. I realized how superficial that relationship had been. How wrong Tristan and I were for each other because Logan understood me on a molecular level, like we were two souls destined to be.
“Mija, come down for dinner,” Mama calls.
“I’m okay,” I reply coldly, even though I’m not mad at my mother.
I stare up at my ceiling. What I need to do is go downstairs and reason with my father. As scary as he can come across, I need him to understand.
I hear Mama’s footsteps before she reaches my door. She knocks lightly and then allows herself in.
She walks in slowly and takes a seat on my bed. “Your father told me what happened.”