Except for the baby Maggie’s carrying.
My world spins on a tilted axis right now. I don’t know how to stop it or change it. Everything seems to be out of my control, and I don’t get how I messed up so badly. It’s not as if I cheated on Kelsey, but I guess I wasn’t exactly upfront with her, either. Yet, here I am, dressed in a suit to go to a doctor’s appointment for a baby that may or may not be mine.
Talk about another low blow.
There isn’t a doubt in my mind, my question about paternity hurt Maggie’s feelings but seeing her there at my front door hit me hard. Why not tell me? Why keep it? Believe me, this isn’t a good surprise. It’s a hurtful one. Not only to me, but to Kelsey as well, and she doesn’t deserve to be hurt.
Outside, after the appointment that I didn’t need or want to be at, Maggie acts like we’re together. She brushes lint off my jacket—the one I don’t want to wear—and kisses me, despite me making my feelings toward her very clear.
“Stop.” I dodge her hand from touching my face.
“Why?”
“Because you know why,” I tell her as my phone chimes. “We’re not together.”
“We could be. What if the baby’s yours?”
What if?
I don’t have an answer for her. The noble thing is to be with her, but I don’t love her. I’m in love with Kelsey, and in the few days Maggie’s been back, I’ve realized Maggie’s not the one for me. I don’t like who I am when I’m with her.
“Alex, we didn’t even need to break up when I moved.”
“Yet, we did. Proving that nothing good comes from a hook-up because now you’re pregnant, and according to that chart you showed me, your conception date is either the day you left or the day after, which means as soon as you got to London you fucked someone. Where’s he at? Why isn’t he here going to your appointments?”
“Don’t be crass,” she says as she huffs and ignores my questions. Still, I want to know where the other guy is. And I can’t help but wonder if they were a couple when she came back to visit? When did they start dating?
I pull my phone out and my face lights up when I see Kelsey’s name but falls instantly when I see what she sent. I look around, sensing she’s near and quickly type back, asking where she is.
“Fuck.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Well, if I had to take an educated guess, Kelsey saw us together.”
Maggie looks around, as if it’s going to make a difference. “Well . . .” She shrugs and looks at her phone.
“What do you mean, well? I’m in love with her, Maggie, and you put me in this situation.”
“And what do you want me to do about that, Alex?”
“Gee, I don’t know. Not fuck someone within hours of leaving me. Or how about getting a damn DNA test so I’m not stuck in fucking limbo, wondering if I’m losing the best person to ever come into my life.”
“Do you seriously mean that?”
I give her my best pointed look. “Yes, I do.”
“Are you saying you regret our relationship?”
“No, I’m not,” I sigh. “But we ended, and I met the person I’m meant to be with, and now she wants nothing to do with me. Being in a relationship with an athlete is hard enough, but being in one with me, when you’re looming over her all the time is daunting. Shit shouldn’t be this hard.”
I start walking up the street, away from Maggie even though it pains me to leave her there in her condition. I need a moment away from her. My life cannot be about her, not anymore. I tug at the tie around my neck and stick it into my pocket and undo the top two buttons of my shirt. When I turn around, Maggie’s walking toward me, focusing on her phone.
“You’re going to walk into something if you don’t pay attention to where you’re going.”
“I can multitask.”
“Of course, you can.”
This is the last place I want to have this conversation, but she’s forced my hand. “Look, I asked for a test the other day, and I want it done. Your doctor said you can do it, so schedule it. It’s not right to make me wait. I have a right to know.”
“Can’t you just wait until the baby’s here?”
I shake my head. “No. I’m not going to sit in limbo while I’m trying to fix my relationship with Kelsey. She’s far too important for me not to fight for her.”
Maggie huffs. “Do you want me to talk to her?”
I scoff. “Fuck no. You’ve done enough.”
“All I did was show up at your place.”
“And invited yourself in like you own it, without zero consideration for me or for her. You should’ve called first, but no, you wanted the shock factor that came with knocking on my door to announce your return. I’m sorry, but none of this is okay.”
“You’re yelling and people are staring,” she grits out.
“I don’t care, Maggie,” I say, pleading with her. “The woman I’m in love with wants nothing to do with me, because of you. Because of . . .” I can’t bring myself to blame the baby she’s carrying because no child should ever be blamed for how their parents fuck up. “Look, you know that if the baby is mine, I’ll be there. But until then, I need you out of my house. You have a ton of friends who will let you stay with them until you find a place. I’m just not one of them. I can’t be.”
I walk away, leaving her on the street, knowing she won’t follow. I need space from her, from the situation she’s put me in. After walking in circles for over thirty minutes, I end up in front of Kelsey’s office building.
“Fuck it,” I say to myself as I go in. I’m prepared to turn the charm on when I get to the reception counter, but because I’ve been here before, they know me and issue me a pass right away. When I get to her floor, I approach Robin, Willamette Publishing’s front desk receptionist, with a smile.
“Good afternoon, Robin. How are you today?”
“I’m good, Mr. Moore. I don’t see you on Ms. Sloane’s calendar today.”
“No, I was in the neighborhood and wanted to chat about the edits on my book. Is she here?”
Robin looks over her shoulder and then shakes her head. “She didn’t return from lunch.”
Fuck.
“Is she working from home today? I can stop over there.”
Another shake. “She’s at the hospital.”
My heart drops to the floor. “Wh-what?”
“Look, I’m not supposed to say anything—”
“I won’t tell anyone,” I interrupt her.
She nods. “Ms. Norris rushed out, saying Ms. Sloane had an accident and was in the emergency room.”
“Do you know which hospital?” I ask as I shift from foot to foot. I know she’s protecting Kelsey, but I need to get to her. Now. Not later. My fingers tap on the marble top of her desk. “Please,” I beg.
“Legacy.”
“Thank you, Robin.” I forgo the elevator and rush down the stairs. As soon as I’m outside, I run toward Legacy, knowing I can beat a cab ride or arranging a rideshare on foot. Thankfully, when people see me running toward them, they part and give me as wide a birth as possible. The last thing I want to do is collide with someone because of my weight and speed; they’d go flying and that wouldn’t be good for them.