TWENTY-THREE
KELSEY
The flight to Buffalo took forever, or at least it seemed to. I’m sure the fly time was normal, but when you don’t want to go home, and yet it’s the only way to get away from your life choices, everything drags on.
My dad, Mel, meets me at baggage claim and hugs me for a long time while I cry into his chest. I didn’t fail even though that’s what it feels like. I went out to Portland with the intention of advancing my career and being successful. I’m home because I need a break. I need to not see Alex everywhere I go or be at his disposal. I need time to heal and not see him on television or walking down the street. Everything about my time with him hurts. Even though I never said those three words that can easily change a relationship, he knew. And I told Basha. For me, it was love at first sight. The lust part came by the end of the night. Hook-ups aren’t my thing, but I would’ve hooked up with him if we had met under different circumstances.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” my dad says as he rubs my back. “Mom has soup on the stove for you.”
“I don’t need soup,” I tell him. My parents think soup fixes everything.
Dad steps back and keeps both his hands on my shoulders. “But you’re hurt.” He eyes my cast because he can see the physical pain, not the emotional stuff. Sometimes I wish people could see a broken heart because then maybe they’d think twice about their actions.
“My arm will be fine, Daddy. Come on, I gotta get my luggage.”
When we walk over to the carousel and my brother, Dalton, is there, waiting for my suitcases. He pulls me into a side hug and kisses the top of my head. “Whose ass do I need to kick?”
I laugh. The image of Dalton and Alex going at it is funny. Dalton wouldn’t stand a chance against my footballer.
No, I can’t call him my anything. Not anymore.
“I appreciate it, but I’ll be okay.” Eventually.
Dalton and my dad take care of my bags, with me following behind. Thankfully, Dalton drove, which means we’ll get to my parents in a reasonable amount of time. We’re about an hour south, but my dad insists on driving under the speed limit, where Dalton will go at least ten over.
My brother holds the door open for me while I crawl into the back of his SUV. He tries to buckle me up, but I bat his hands away. “I’m not an invalid,” I tell him.
“Does mom know this?”
I stick my tongue out at him.
When I told my mom about Alex, she suggested I come home for a visit, telling me I can recharge here and then face things with a fresh outlook. I didn’t agree until I fell and fractured my arm and ended up with a minor concussion. Granted, the break is tiny, and I only have to wear my cast for three weeks. It was this or figure things out on my own. I could’ve managed, but there’s something about having your mom take care of you. It wasn’t until Dalton told me he booked a flight out that night that I packed my stuff and took a cab to the airport.
I close my eyes for the fifty-minute car ride. When the crunch of gravel sounds under the tires, I open them and find my mom, Tilly, standing on our front porch, wearing an apron. If she’s anything, she’s the poster for small-town living. If I had to guess, I bet she’s made a half dozen pies for church on Sunday and there isn’t a single hair out of place from the everyday bun she wears. People would be shocked if they ever saw her with her hair down, which goes well past her waist. I can’t remember a single time she ever got her hair cut while I was growing up.
Dalton opens the door for me and tells me he’ll get my bags. I make my way up the stairs and fall into my mom’s embrace. The tears return this time, but with more force.
“Come on, baby girl, let’s get you inside.”
She holds me until we’re in my bedroom, sitting on my bed. Not much has changed in here, except it’s clean and dust free. My awards still sit on the floating shelves, and there’s a framed copy of the New York Times bestsellers list from when the book I acquired made the list. It doesn’t matter that my name isn’t anywhere on there, my parents are proud.
Dalton and my dad bring my luggage in and then we hear the back door shut. They’re heading to the barn to do “man’s work” at least that’s what my dad calls it. I know he likes to take advantage of Dalton being in town to get some of the heavier stuff done around here.
“I feel like such a failure.”
“No, no,” she says. “None of this is your fault.”
“I know but I can't help but feel like I’m not enough to fit into his world. I really like him, Mom.”
“Nonsense, he needs to fit into yours. Just because he’s some fancy football player doesn’t mean he walks on water.”
“That’s just it. He’s so much more than the guy you see on TV. It’s this life he led with his ex. It’s fancy with its parties and gatherings. Mom, the dress he paid for was over a thousand dollars, and it was one of the cheapest ones the personal shopper showed me. Like, that’s not me. I live off a budget and clip coupons. And now that his ex is back . . .” I trail off.
My mom shakes her head. “I will never understand why people don’t use condoms.”
I roll my eyes. “People do. They break.” Thank God she will never know about what I said to Alex during our last time together. She’d find a way to ground me and make me repent to her pastor.
She leaves me to unpack. It’s slow and frustrating because I can only use one hand, but I appreciate the quiet. After a while, Dalton comes in and finds me lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling.
“Wanna ride into town with me?” he asks.
I don’t but sit up anyway and tell him I’ll go. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve been back to town for any extended period of time. Once I started college, I stayed on campus during the summer to work, and then I got my job in the City. Anytime I came back to visit my parents, it was for a weekend, and I rarely left the house.
“So, how long are you going to hide out at Mom and Dad’s?” Dalton asks when we’re a mile away from the house.
“I’m not hiding.”
He laughs and shakes his head. “You’re hiding.”
“I needed help with work.” I shrug. “Mom can help.”
“Until February then?”
“No.” But his suggestion doesn’t sound half bad. “I don’t know, D. I just needed to get away.”
“Okay, tell me why. Mom didn’t say much other than he broke your heart.”
“His ex came back and she’s pregnant. They were together for a long time, and once you see her, you realize I don’t belong in the glitz and glam world that he’s used to. It’s easier for me to remove myself from the narrative.”
“Are you planning to go back, Kelsey?” he asks as he turns the corner and pulls into a parking spot in front of the general store. I look out the window and sigh.
“Some things never change,” I mutter.
“Small towns never want to change.” Dalton helps me out of the car, and we make our way to the hardware store.
“Well as I live in breath if it isn’t little Kelsey Sloane,” Mr. Hanley says as we walk into the store. He comes around the corner and gives me a hug.